1999

I see not one, but two peacocks in the southern magnolia, which now is approaching full bloom of its huge cream coloured dinner plate flowers  A blue one on the left, a green one, such as the one I saw in the book and the vision with Tron at the Refuge, on the right.  They both appear quiet, stately and unaware of each other, though they appear to be regarding us intently.  On one of the three stone benches sits the young Jesus, his green eyes fixed lovingly upon us both.  We flank him on the opposing benches, for he is seated in the middle. "I see you have been in the loving care of my servant", he says, turning to me.  "Tron now must return to the Refuge.  He overstepped with you this morning, not with malice or selfish intent, but precipitously and now must return for a period of rest.  Even in eternity my servants must never be overtried, and for this reason, my friend, and my great love", and now his eyes are on Tron again, "I am returning you home.  You have served well and faithfully my servants here, but this morning you  began to speak of things to Christopher that he is still forbidden to know, and must wait some years before you can both return to the conversation." Jesus and Tron both rise up from their benches, he takes hold of both Tron's hands and kisses them on the palms and backs.  And now they are both gone.  They and the two peacocks...

1997

Tron is dressed as Ethan.  I am tempted, but dare not ask about his robes.  "Come in and sit down while I get my ducks together"  He comes in, closing the door behind him, which  I find a little bit uncomfortable.  As he sits down in an armchair, I ask, "How did you sleep last night?"  I wonder about commenting, if jokingly about us two being naked together in the bathroom, but think better of it." "Sleep for me", he says calmly, "is always a vigil.  I have been commissioned to watch over various places and situations simultaneously, and that becomes the focus at night, but in the form of restorative sleep.  It is what you people call dreams, but are really recollections of visits and visitations of which your memory is always going to remain at best sketchy.  Now that I am free from the bonds and limitations of mortality, I have a true and sweeping panoramic view and experience of those realms." My shoes are on, and everything is in order.  "Ready when you are."

1995

"And Thaddai kept his mouth shut."  I am feeling suddenly cheeky and empowered. "He knew the consequences", replies Tron as he steps into the shower.  somehow it doesn't feel inappropriate to linger here while he is in the shower.  Slowly I finish towelling myself dry, then reach for the toothbrush and toothpaste that Carl was thoughtful enough to provide me with.  Indeed, they always make sure the bathrooms stay well stocked.  Tron is also fast in the shower.  The water has been turned off and while I am starting to shave he is standing next to me, towelling himself dry.  This is all beginning to feel a little bit absurd.   "There are toiletries in the drawer here, Ethan", say I, holding it open, "with everything you need, including..."   and I whip it out of the drawer..."Deodorant." "Thanks.  Don't leave your room yet after you get dressed, I want us to take another walk together before breakfast..." A text from Francois: "How's it going so far. have they found any bodies?" "I write, "just got up and showered and now Tron wants to take a walk with me before breakfast." "Tron?" "Remember from the refuge, tall, very handsome, wearing gold and green robes." "What is he doing there?" "Long story. We should be home this afternoon sometime and then we can tell you everything. what's going on where you are?" "We all spent the evening huddled together debriefing. We seem to be recalling things sporadically, like we were all having the same collective dream. You guys?" "Same. Hey, you know the house in New West is ready for occupancy." "Are you trying to get rid of me?" "On the contrary, I was hoping you would stay with me." "Your wish is my command..." Then he adds a bright yellow smiley face. I respond with a thumb up, and now Tron or Ethan or Adrian is knocking on my door. I know it is him, it is the same quiet measured and authoritative three knocks I heard twenty minutes ago on the bathroom door... "

1994

"And Thaddai kept his mouth shut."  I am feeling suddenly cheeky and empowered. "He knew the consequences", replies Tron as he steps into the shower.  Somehow it doesn't feel inappropriate to linger here while he is in the shower.  Slowly I finish towelling myself dry, then reach for the toothbrush and toothpaste that Carl was thoughtful enough to provide me with.  Indeed, they always make sure the bathrooms stay well stocked.  Tron is also fast in the shower.  The water has been turned off and while I am starting to shave he is standing next to me, towelling himself dry.  This is all beginning to feel a little bit absurd.   "There are toiletries in the drawer here, Ethan", say I, holding it open, "with everything you need, including..."   and I whip it out of the drawer..."Deodorant." "Thanks.  Don't leave your room yet after you get dressed, I want us to take another walk together before breakfast..."

1994

First one up, first to the bathroom.  I am tempted to linger in the shower but the warm wet solitude must wait for another day... Someone else will be needing to come in, and likely right now even.  I am just towelling my head dry when there are three knocks on the door. Before I can say anything, the door opens.  It is Ethan, tall, naked and dazzlingly gorgeous.  instead of covering myself, because I simply refuse to do knee jerk modesty, I am smiling, he smiles back, comes in without so much as closing the door, and begins to pee, in the toilet, of course.  He sounds like a mighty waterfall, and his dimensions are very generous and curiously he is also circumcised.  Above the roar of his torrent he says, "Did you sleep well?" "Without dreams", say I, feeling suddenly very casual and very comfortable, naked in a small bathroom with a naked demigod. "You are wondering if I am Jewish?" says he, noticing that my eyes are on his dick, which he shakes dry while flushing the toilet.  Then he selects three squares of toilet paper with which he wipes clean the rim of the toilet.  "In a word, yes, my parents were descendents of refugees from Jerusalem when the city was destroyed in the year Seventy.  because I never lived in the barracks, though I visited frequently, no one ever saw me undressed, so I was safe from trouble..."

1993

I am back in my old room, which is Carl's old room.  Alone at last.  How I have been needing and craving solitude and soon everyone or almost everyone will be moving into that Victorian era house in New Westminster leaving me still not quite alone but with Carl, Erik, and, yes, Kenny.  those three most important people in my life.  And I want to run away from all of them because I have just gone totally Garbo on the world and I really want them all to leave me alone. I want to be alone, but now I have to sleep and solitude, to be properly enjoyed, is wasted on sleep, especially because for me, having synesthesia, sleep means dreams and more dreams, and still more dreams, all of them involving other people... I check my phone.  It is 6:36 am, and that peacock is crying again, likely from the southern magnolia tree.  I just slept seven hours uninterrupted, no dreams, this is a first, and right now I have to piss like a racehorse.

1992

Carl slumps, a dead weight, back into his chair.  And now we are feeling a collective exhaustion.  Words have failed us.  And we all know, even though no one has said as much, that we are never going to be the same again, not after this, but the words somehow are finding their way out of my mouth: "we are never going to be the same again, not after this." "Do you think he's for real?" wonders Carl. "How could he not be real", says Kenny, and now he is remembering again.  "Yes, it is clear again.  I saw a lot of Tron during my twenty-five years in and out of the Refuge.  Next to our Lord himself, one of the most beautiful and authentic beings I have ever encountered." "Did he ever refer to those experiences he just recounted?" asks Erik. "Often...Yes... Often." "So now what do we do?" asks Carl. "we return what is left of the milk to the fridge and wash the glasses, and then go to bed", say I. "Oh Chris", he says fondly, "Do you know who you really are?  You are our Common Sense Guru." "Thanks.  I think...I'm sure I've been called worse things by nicer people:" "Oh, you're such a flatterer." Says Kenny, "You never were one to mince words Chris.  That is what I've always admired about you...