2036

"So, what exactly did happen to you, Kenny?" asks Erik, young vulnerable ingenue that he is, even at the relatively ripe age of thirty-two. "My last memory was being followed by Sven Lindstrom onto the Lion's Gate Bridge late at night, and a heated argument about his presumed sovereignty over me, then he must have hit me in the face. I woke up in a hospital bed a couple of months later, but I had no id, I had already been declared dead, and that was when Kim came to my rescue. She said that she had, with her son, Tim, found me unconscious on the beach of the island of the refuge, and transported me to Victoria where I was hospitalized. All the doctors to this day are completely baffled that I could have survived, given that I had fallen into the water from the Lion's Gate Bridge forty-five miles away in December. After my head cleared enough to remember some details of my identity, she was able to reunite me with my mother, who was a close friend of hers. But I had to assume a new identity and a new name, and I know I still haven't revealed that to you, but there was a lot of work securing all the documentation necessary to get me started again. I still remember dreams of being in the Refuge with the young Jesus and the dreams just continued for years afterward, so I think it could be safely said that I was in both places at once."

2035

"How very catholic of you", quips Carl. "I think that is why we have ghosts", say I.  "They are souls in purgatory." "But I have always thought of Purgatory as being a whole tier of prison cells that no one can escape from till after they've done their time", says Carl rather snidely. "It isn't a place", Ethan paitiently enunciates, "It is a state of being.  and Christopher is right when he says this." "And how would you know, Chris", says Carl in that patronizing tone of his that just makes me sometimes want to punch his handsome Nordic face. "Quite simply because that's exactly where I was for a while", says Kenny, "when I was in a coma, straddling both worlds, and I appeared to him in a series of dreams." "Like when you revealed to me the location of your journal." "In spades, baby...in spades..."

2034

"You would be thinking of the Desert Fathers", says Carl. "I am indeed thinking of the  Desert Fathers", says Ethan. "Who were they?" asks Erik. "When Constantine the so-called Great made the Christian Faith the official religion of the Roman Empire", replies Ethan, "he also committed treason against Christ for which he is still in Purgatory.  "Christianity was no longer costly, it was both politically and socially correct and convenient.  The representatives and guardians of the Faith soon became arrogant, lazy and corrupt.  Declaring Jesus Christ as Lord was no longer a death sentence.  so that many saints fled from the corruption that was already festering in the church out into the wilderness where they lived alone or in small collectives seeking daily the face of the living God." "You believe in Purgatory", says Carl. "as do I ", says Kenny. "And I", echoes Francois.

2033

"Did they mention the refuge?" "Nothing at all.  It is as if nothing happened to them.  Once returned they simply returned to their old familiar selves, hyper witty, campy,bitchy  and borderline queeny." "We need to talk to them", say I. "We are going to have to let them both go", says Ethan, "But it would be better to let them both stay in the condo, for the time being anyway." "You say that, because..." says Carl. "They are not prepared to let go of each other, which, if they are to move forward in discipleship, they are both going to have to consider and face." "But they are married", says Carl, "what God has joined..." "Same sex marriage, while not in itself sinful, is not the same as between a man and a woman", says Ethan. "How can you say that?", I reply, hearing faint rebuke in my tone, but I am also afraid that he might be hitting on an uncomfortable truth. "Gay marriage works well as harm reduction.  In fact, it would be suicidal for them to even think of separating before committing themselves to sobriety, and even then, they would still need each other in order to stay faithful to the program.  But for real, true, and costly discipleship, it is better for two men or two women to embrace celibacy.  I cannot explain why this is, and as much as I believe it, even our lord himself has cautioned me against being strict and judgmental, so I am also willing to shelve the matter.  But they should stay part of us because they are part of us, even if they are auxiliaries.  For Thaddai and I it was rather different, as Jesus has been prone to remind me at times.  He was my slave, and also my sex slave so I had to set him free, and that completely ended all carnality between us.  But there is also a quality of commitment that has to come before marriage or the spouse if our commitment to Christ is going to mean anything at all..."

The Peacock 1932

"How much time do you actually spend there?" says Carl.  "At the refuge." "That is the hardest part to explain to you guys", says Kenny.  "That place, and our lord, are completely out of time...or out of time as we know time.  I don't think I'm making myself very clear, but, apart from a period after I was thrown from the Lion's Gate Bridge, I have always been in Duncan.  My first memory was with some woman named Kim who apparently already knew me.  We were seated in a coffee shop in Duncan and drawing up plans for going into business together selling flowers and plants.  I already had my mother's condo I was living in, and did not have a clue how I got there.  Just after we bought the business together, I asked Kim what she knew, and she confirmed that she was  third party cosigning with me for the condo with my mom, but beyond that wasn't saying anything.  Nothing at all.  She simply said she couldn't tell me anything and ordered me to never ask her again.  But that's when the dreams all started, the first dreams I had since the dreams I was having while in a coma, trying to instruct you, Chris, about my journal." "Those were dreams about being in the refuge?"  I ask. "That is correct, only Carl and Erik were also in the dream along with Amaris and a whole whack of other people,  Then at five this morning Amaris is on the phone with me to say she was at the front door of my building and that we had to get started..."

2031

"Just listen to you two", says Francois deadpan, rolling his eyes. "Our imperturbable straight man",quips Carl. "And don't you forget it ". he replies. "With everyone kind of scattered", say I, "I'm wondering how we are going to organize meetings and get togethers and suchlike, especially with the future of the mansion being up for grabs." "There is that", says Carl. "Any word on the body search?" says Francois. "They said they'll call me at the end of the day." "where are George and Jeffrey going to fit in with the changes", say I. "I'm not altogether comfortable about their being in your condo downtown", says Carl.  "They are both alcoholics and all the candy in the world lies there at their fingertips." "They're leaving", says Francois. "Oh really?" "We talked about it yesterday.  They, or George, said they do not feel ready for the kind of sustained commitment that is required.  Plus, they are both dragging their butts about AA and recovery." "That is so sad", says Carl, "Sad, and so very frustrating..."

2031

"Butterfly Effect", I reply, stupefied. "So where does this leave us now", says the ever pragmatic, almost always unflappable Francois. "It's gonna be one day at a time", says Carl. "What exactly are going to be your plans here with us, Kenny?" say I. "for me, I have come home.  I do plan to keep my mother's condo in Duncan, as a place to retreat to when things get a little intense, and yes, things will always be getting a little intense here, and so Christopher, you will always be welcome to join me for the retreat. I am afraid I cannot extend the generosity to the rest of you since, for the simple reason, I hardly know any of you.  Chris and I are family." "Here, we are all family", says Carl, "but of course we are going to respect and uphold your boundary.  In the meantime, nobody has to worry about going hungry or homeless." "Dutch sugar daddy to the rescue", quips Kenny. "In spades, baby, in spades", is my reply. "Oh you do know how to set a girl's heart aflutter..."