I have a lot of pet peeves, so many that if they were cats I would have been promptly evicted from my apartment and charged with animal cruelty. Here is my peeve de jour. It involves cafes, but not simply cafes but cafes that have absolutely no idea how to arrange tables and seats to maximize their patrons' comfort and enjoyment. A current trend that absolutely sticks in my craw is the creation of long, apparently communal tables in coffee shops. One would expect that if such tables are not being occupied by large groups then perhaps they would be perfect for making new friends. Every time I have been in one of these places I have observed the long tables. One couple might be occupying two chairs at one end, and three other individuals, each absorbed completely in his laptop would be scattered across the same table, rather like the arrangements of stars in a constellation. None of these people have anything to do with each other, except maybe the couple. Seated at close proximity does nothing to reduce social distance. The existence of this kind of table seems a bit of a no brainer. It is for patrons who are alone, so they can sit alone together, like strangers on a bus. It is to pack more bums in more seats. Mine isn't one of them and if this is all an establishment has to offer I am likely to move on.
I noticed a similar dynamic today in a local Starbucks with very closely arranged tables. They were all in a row, separated from one another by less than an inch of space. Today we were basically sharing space with a stranger in the middle of paper work even though we were at separate tables. Unless he was hearing impaired or completely oblivious to his surroundings (some people can do this) he was likely listening to every word of our conversation which due to the professional nature of our visit was meant to be very private. We didn't stay long. I returned my scarcely touched cup of coffee to the counter. My client poured his tea into a paper cup. By the door at a solitary table with four chairs a young man tapped at his laptop, alone. This was just more than four hours ago, and my guess is the young geek might still be there in front of his laptop, holding hostage the only decent table in the joint, not having budged except perhaps to use the washroom, the only thing he's ordered today being a half empty latte going rancid in front of him.
As our population density increases and more people compete for less space it is getting like this everywhere. However it also seems that our many new Canadians from Asian and Latin American countries, for generations accustomed to living at close quarters with strangers, often tend to wonder why Canadians are so obsessed with personal space. It is not at all unusual for people from much of the world to sit, walk or stand mere millimetres from one another, hardly aware of one another's presence. They might hear the breathing and perhaps even the heartbeat of a perfect stranger and it will not phase them that they might somehow reach out and make contact, and why? Because they feel no need to. They are used to crowding and being crowded and people like me who were born and raised in this country are generally completely oblivious to how spoilt we are for personal space, among many other things. And yet, I have often noticed while riding on public transit that passengers least likely to willingly share their seat with strangers appear to be members of a visible minority. These are the ones who will sit on the aisle side of the seat, the space between them and the window being taken up by bags, parcels, purses or back packs. But it only appears this way and every Chinese or Filipino or Korean I have sat next to has been quite generous or at least benign about letting me climb over them to the vacant seat. They even take their stuff off it for me. My guess is that they are probably afraid of missing their stop, especially if they are fairly new here, so they are on the alert, taking care not to get comfortable and perhaps drift off into a nap, remaining vigilant that nothing go wrong, that they don't miss their stop and end up finding themselves lost in an unfamiliar neighbourhood full of drug dealers and criminals or white people with dreadlocks or artists or musicians or same sex couples or beggars on the sidewalk.
This happens everywhere. I don't think it's because people don't like each other. Some, many I think, are afraid of strangers, but not because they fear for their safety. We don't know what to say to others, or we are so caught up with our own lives, families, careers and social circles that no one else exists for us. It is very normal to sit right next to or directly across from each other without even thinking of batting an eye, of looking up from their laptop or i-phone just to say hi. Likely most would never dare, especially younger people because in our highly sexualized society everyone seems to be afraid of being hit on. Women, especially young women, have often legitimate cause to be afraid, particularly if there is a young man seated next or across from, especially when his eye keeps wandering from his screen or smart phone to look at her if but for a millisecond. There have been many accounts in the news and I am sorry to say that this is no exaggeration and that it occurs too often, reported or not, of men giving women unwanted attention, and worse and yes women do very well to keep their guard up.
For me it is not an issue. I am older, getting on for sixty, and not really considered a threat, which works well because I like to err on the side of friendship. If someone ends up sharing a table with me in a café I will say hi and smile leaving it up to the stranger to carry the ball from there. Sometimes they do. On occasion I have been blessed with new and long friendships for doing this. If I really want to be alone I will stay home or go for a walk in the forest or in a very quiet neighbourhood of mansions owned by foreign billionaires. Otherwise everyone is fair game and be warned my good stranger, one of these days if we happen to be at the same table, or sharing a seat on the bus I just might say hi to you. And you just might like it. Be very afraid!
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