The Walking Dead 14

Ableism is an interesting concept. I haven't in the past given it a lot of thought, but after fourteen years working in mental health services, I am reviewing this idea. Lately I have heard various testimonials about success in the face of insurmountable odds. Recently a Syrian refugee was crowing about his success in getting established here in Canada, with a university education and a good paying job and a house and you name it. He might not be from Syria, but from one of those countries whose number one export is its own citizens. He concluded his testimonial with the words "If I can do it, so can anyone else." Likewise this morning, a woman was testifying about how the kindness and support from the Union Gospel Mission helped get her off the street, off of drugs, away from sex work and into a healthy and productive life. She finished with those immortal words: If I can do it, anyone can. That is a noble and kind sentiment. I used to believe it myself. Now I'm not so sure. I recall at a meeting a couple of months ago in one of my work sites, a bit of an argument came up between a couple of colleagues about whether one of our clients wasn't fulfilling a obligation because of lack of motivation or lack of capacity. Later, in a smaller meeting we kind of concluded that it was likely from a lack of capacity that this client didn't do what he was expected to do. I have also had this conversation with a friend who, in the material and professional sense, has been way more successful than I. It has been very difficult to persuade him that even in Canada the playing field is uneven, and not everyone is going to have the same opportunities nor is going to be able to rise to the same opportunities and for many good reasons. This is why I was not able to finish university, for example, nor find decent paying work: not for lack of trying but because of some difficult and bitter circumstances in my life that slammed a lot of doors in my face. This has had nothing to do, by the way, with not working hard enough, and everything to do with a lack of resources and necessary support. I am still not persuaded that my friend really gets it, and I don't expect him to, because, if you haven't really been there yourself, then you are going to be less than likely to understand, but I think he sort of gets that part. It's also kind of a walking dead response to the many nuanced and complex layers that make up our human lives. I think it's good to have hope for others, and for ourselves, but when that hope turns into an expectation, then we are chaining others and putting them in bondage. We all have different stuff to work with and I think we all try to do our best within our limits and obstacles, and this I think is the preferred model for recovery and growth. Anything that happens beyond that of course, is going to be also a blessing. As for the successful refugee and the woman who found success in recovery, I say kudos to you both, continue what you're doing, and go on inspiring others to do well, but please accept this little caveat. Lower the expectations for others and get over your judgment, how ever kindly, of those who are not going to do as well as you. It isn't because they aren't trying hard enough, and not because they don't want to, but because they cannot, but be prepared to be surprised when you see some of those same individuals excel and kick your but in other ways that you might never have dreamed or imagined!