Life as Performance Art 32

i just heard on the news this morning of the death last night of Jean Vanier. He was already very old, 90, even though I feel sadness for our loss, and for many this will be a huge loss. Jean Vanier was the son of Canadian privilege. His father was a governor-general. This did not prevent Jean from going to France where he lived with mentally challenged adults, advocated for them, accepted and celebrated their gifts. Thus was born the L'Arche community, which now has homes all over the world. I have never visited, lived or participated in L'Arche. I have been greatly influenced and mentored by Jean Vanier. I first heard of him, I think, while I was still just twenty. I was living in rather an odd situation, sharing a tiny house with two rather eccentric Jesus Freaks. It was heated by a wood stove, and we all slept in the small bedroom. We had many visitors, among them a young woman of just eighteen, with a strong desire to serve God. She gave me one of Jean's books, titled "Be Not Afraid." It was a collection of his poetry and photo images of the people he had chosen as his adopted family. He focussed on how we need to face our fears with courage, especially our fears of being vulnerable and helpless, and over and over again he brought forth the theme of weakness in strength. This had a major impact on me, as I was seeking to hone and refine the spiritual direction of my life. This helped mentor and encourage me towards spending time with people with disabilities, with socially marginalized people, with people who were rejected and unwanted. People like me. It wasn't rocket science. These were my people, and I was one of them. This in a way helped brand me, and move me forward in a life of ministry and service. i worked at whatever I could. I spent a year in community college, but this wasn't possible to continue. I was too poor, I couldn't live with my parents, and I had to work to pay the bills. Night classes were out of the question. I was simply too tired after work to retain information. But I stayed open to others. I was often working part time, earning just enough to keep the wolf away from the door, but not off the street. I lived in very uncertain and short term situations. From the tiny shared house, after four months, I found a one bedroom apartment in a very old east side building. for a while, three young guys were staying with me, but two of them wanted to simply sponge and the other had an agenda with me, and even though he was attractive, I simply was not ready for this kind of involvement. I threw them all out and lived alone (I was 21), spending my time between jobs meeting and talking to as many different people as I could. I became friends in a new place I moved to, a housekeeping room in an old house, with a young lesbian coping with extreme poverty, mental health issues and a recent sexual assault. Then I live three months in a communal house with two young families and single young adults, all seeking a spiritual path. From there, I was in Dilaram, a particularly brutal intentional Christian community, but I was able to dedicate myself fully to ministering to the poor, or to other poor, despite the destructive idiots running the show. Traumatized, I left and ended up again with my lesbian friend, and for almost two years, continued to stay open to her and many others as I stumbled my way through life, seeking to connect meaningfully with others. At that time, I became a home support worker, which I continued at for well over a decade, caring for the sick and dying, and then again eight years in intentional Christian ministry to people dying from AIDS and survival sex workers and street punks. Then followed some difficult years of extreme trauma and homelessness. I have since ended up in social housing, and have worked for fifteen years as a mental health peer support worker, again, continuing the legacy of Jean Vanier, as, for a scandalously low wage, I walk with people coping with mental health issues and social stigma towards recovery and an improved quality of life, still moving forward with this work in my life. I owe much to Jean. Even though I am poor, and likely to stay poor for the rest of my life, I cannot think of another path I might have taken, that in so many ways, would make me so rich. I remain critical of the wealthy, it is simply because I see how impoverished they really are, otherwise they would not have to take refuge in material things. Thank you, Jean. And thank you, God, for giving us Jean Vanier, and may he find in you the eternal home that you promise to all who love you.