Yesterday, I had to walk away from someone. Now, let me explain, please, before you jump to conclusions and decide prematurely as did one ex-reader and ex-friend that I am a hopeless hypocrite. Neither am I necessarily proud of how I handled the situation. I don't like it when someone walks away from me. Even if, as did this person, I might happen to deserve it. I should add that this individual and I have always had a troubled friendship, if it could be called a friendship.
We became friends some 17 years ago or so, when I began attending his father's church. Yes, he is a preacher's kid. We seemed to hit it off okay, but this person and his church, were particularly homophobic. I of course was becoming particularly wary of everyone there, and for that reason didn't last very long. Then, one day, junior and I were having coffee together, when he began asking me some very inappropriate questions about my sexuality. I curtly told him it was none of his business and he became petulant. This happened a second time. Because I was well-liked there, he was concerned about the possible influence I might have on some of the young males in the church, none of whom were at any kind of risk, imagined or otherwise, from me. I began to distance myself.
Then he moved into my building, almost across the hall from me and tried to suck up, so I, being rather lonely, consented to renew the friendship. But we never addressed again the subject of my alleged sexual orientation, though I was now watching his every move. As he was proving to be an incurable fundamentalist, I basically let the friendship die a natural death. He was becoming very judgmental and intolerant of anyone who didn't square with his rigid interpretation of scripture. He moved out, then moved back into the building. He could do that because his dad's church had an ongoing interest in our apartment building. He had privilege.
For a couple of years I basically ignored him. Then he invited my out for coffee. We had what seemed a decent visit. A month later I asked him out for coffee again. He declined, saying that he didn't consider me a close enough friend for regular coffee visits. So, that was when I tried to get as far away from him as possible. He made a couple of lame attempts at rapprochement Then I didn't see him again for a while.
I do not know any of this person's issues, as he has always been vague and evasive with me. He could be a closeted homosexual. I have never known him to have any girlfriends and now he is pushing forty. I have never noticed anything of a presence or expression of joy in his life. Very serious, and especially serious about his fundamentalist version of Christianity. I think he might suffer from depression. I feel sorry for him.
But yesterday was the last straw. We ran into each other in Safeway, and he seemed to want to chat. Then he told me that he is an anti-masker, and that he was on his way to a meeting for encouraging people not to wear protective masks during this pandemic. Now had he stopped at telling me he was an anti-masker, I would have let it go, questioned and challenged him about it, and suggest that he was being very selfish and wrong-headed. But he is out to convert others to his cause, thus endangering them.
Rather than treat him to one of my towering rages, I simply said, from here, I do not want to talk to you, then walked away from him. I was shocked and furious, and he also seemed hurt and befuddled that I would treat him like that. But I didn't want to take a strip off him since that kind of anger is never constructive. I had to get away. When I got home I wrote an email to my building manager, asking that he be monitored. She promptly replied, informing me that he had moved out of our building several months ago. So, I am no longer worried.
I am sad about how things ended between us. He is a decent person despite his quirks, and actually cares a lot about people. But it is very hard to sustain a healthy friendship with someone who is so neurotic and suspicious. And I don't think, for now, I can talk to him until he gets some sense into his head. I have walked away, but I have not closed the door. I am leaving it open. Love demands this.
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