The Peacock 81

 "Everything changed for me with the death of my father.  Both my uncles and their young adult children were present for the funeral.  But something noticeable had changed between us.  You see, Carl, when Dad became Anglican, and then a priest, that impacted the rest of his family, because for them the Anglicans were the church of compromise with the world, even if their individual lives could hardly be held up as paragons of Christian discipleship.  Plus, to them I was already a purported homosexual, and for them that simply was not forgivable.  My only real connection to them was through my father.  I was not invited to any of their homes for Christmas.  They made excuses, saying they would be away, or wrapped up with in-laws or what have you.  And that is when things really began to slide for me.  You see, I already had a mental health diagnosis. This actually happened while I was mourning Kenny's death."

"Tell me what happened", Carl says, clearly intrigued,

"When Kenny went and killed himself, I became inconsolable.  I was crying nonstop, and hiding in my bedroom sometimes for days, if I could get away with it.  Dad arranged with the family physician for me to see one of the psychiatrists in the local mental health team.  That was also when the hallucinations began."

"Hallucinations?"

 "About Kenny.  They began as dreams.  He would appear to me in the early dawn, shortly before awaking.  He looked really frightened.  I think he was in a bad place, and he would simply look like he was trying to tell me something while waving his arms frantically.  One morning, during this dream, I actually entered into wherever he was.  It seemed a dark place, and the vibe was cold and menacing, but I took him by both his hands, then tried to direct him towards the light.  I was raising my voice because he didn't seem to hear me.  Dad came into my bedroom. He had just showered and dressed.  He looked very worried.  I saw him, but now Kenny was seated on the edge of my bed and we were talking to each other.

"Needless to say, Dad saw and heard only me in the room. After this went on for another three weeks, I was booked an appointment with the psychiatrist..."