The Peacock 207

One of the brothers took us aside, and started to confide in us.  It turned out that one of the brothers was being badly mistreated at the monastery, and in the privacy of the guest kitchen, once everyone had gone to bed, showed us the lash marks from the whip on his back.  We were naturally appalled.  Without thinking of the consequences, we both offered him refuge here at the mansion.  We took him back with us that same night, since he had already the foresight of packing himself a bag that he had brought with him.

"The outrage from the abbey was swift and sudden.  Robert went into negotiations with them, and the agreement being that they would leave everything alone, since otherwise we were going to go public about this brother's mistreatment.  We all made nice, they left Brother Laurence alone and in our safekeeping, and we were still welcome to visit, anytime we wanted, which turned into rather a regular occurrence, given how many brothers ended up returning home with us."

"and that was the beginning of the community here?" Carol asks.

"Yes it was, indeed", concurs Carl.  "But carol, I'm so sorry, I appear to be stealing all your oxygen."

"You are not off the hook, brother dearest," parses Melissa.

"Yes, she who must be obeyed", says Carl with a helpless little smile adorning his face.

The peacock 206

 "I suppose that it's time to let you all in on my secret.  But first of all, everyone, isn't it amazing, the parallels between these two women, my sister and Carol I mean.  Quite incredible, if you ask me." He clears his throat, then takes a deep draft of his coffee as though to sooth an owie.  

"I was staying here alone at first.  It was from here I was launching my new magazine, and I thought the peace and quiet, the lack of distractions would be the perfect setting for me.  Well, I got more than I bargained for.  I really had a lot, way too much time to think, here alone.  Father Griffin would come up for a day, and a night, every week or two, and his company was wonderful, but it was never really enough.  and I could distract myself only so much watching TV, listening to music, watching stuff on YouTube, and talking to Mom and Mel on Skype.  But I was really needing human contact.  Plus I was really dwelling a lot on my past, which I mean to say would refer to when I was selling sex and taking drugs as a teenager."

Carl pauses and appears to be staring at one of the windows.  The sun is beginning to set and the splashes of golden coppery light in the room have taken on something otherworldly and magical.  

"Robert and I talked about it, and he invited me on a retreat with him at the Abbey.  So, we went for a weekend.  That was when somethi8ng really extraordinary happened..."  

The Peacock 205

 At first, the two ladies have appeared as two cats trying to square each other off over a piece of floor in the living room.  Now they appear to be working together more, rather as though they are reciting together a liturgy.

"I was really pushed to the edge by Josef.  By court order, I went to see a psychiatrist.  That was when I was diagnosed."

"I was also, under similar auspices", says Carol, "diagnosed."

"I have Asperger's syndrome".

"I have bipolar disorder."

"You have probably noticed that I communicate rather unusually."

"I suppose I should be thanking everyone here for coping so well and kindly with my abrupt mood swings."

"It was also around that time when my sister attempted suicide.  She almost died," says Carol.

Melissa goes suddenly strangely and eerily silent.  She is now looking hard at her brother, Carl.  Then she looks back at Carol.  She stutters, once or twice, then falls silent again, then she turns and looks again at her brother, now staring good and hard at him.

Carl says "Here, let me continue", he is sighing, and appears to be carrying something very heavy and very unyielding.

The Peacock 204

 "I was going through a couple of challenges, myself", says Melissa. "I was just starting my first semester in artistic design, and that is also the year my husband and I divorced.

Carol is quietly studying her cup of coffee, as though not sure whether to  take another sip.

"Your turn, Carol", Melissa says.

"Yes, so was I."

"For me, that was the year when the shit was really hitting the fan." Melissa takes a bite from a cookie, then chews it methodically.  "And you, Carol?"

"Well, I wouldn't exactly say it in that kind of language."

Quite, I want to say, but this is purely between the two ladies present.

"Yes, there was a lot going on with me, back then."

"My husband had a drug addiction", Melissa says.

"Mine was a notorious lush", says Carol.

"My husband was violent", says Melissa.

"Graham sometimes used his fists."

"I fought back.  I was already advanced in karate.  I put him twice in hospital emergency."

"The third time, and the last time that Graham tried to hit me, I went after him with a knife.  He also had to get sutures.  He never laid a hand on me again."

"Josef was a Euro trash rock star."

"Graham was a symphony conductor.  That's how we met", says Carol..."

The Peacock 203

 "My turn?" Carol says coyly.

"As the boys sometimes say, "Dude, you show me yours, then I'll show you mine."

"How dreadfully, how awfully vulgar!"

"Carl's fault", deadpans Melissa.  "His adolescent vocation, you know."

Carl doesn't answer, but his rapidly reddening face already says it all.

"I suppose that was a bit crass", says Melissa.  And it is already clear that that is as close as she is going to come to giving an apology.

"Carol", says Carl, "I understand that during the time of that concert, you were going through some challenges"

"Yes, I was."

Melissa says, "That would have been back in June, 2011."

"What were you doing ten years ago, Melissa?" says Carol.

"Challenges."

"What manner of challenges, dear?"

"Oh, same as you, I guess.  Marriage.  Husband."

"But, Carl", says Carol, "How did you know about my, my difficulties back then?"

"It was in the papers.  During that time, while I was trying to set up a new magazine, I was studying different models of journalism, and so I got hold of some of the London tabloids, as ideas of what I should not do in journalism."  He is smiling sheepishly.

"I suppose I have been rather well-known."

"Famous, I would say", says Carl.... 

The Peacock 202

 I didn't expect we would later be served coffee and cookies in the big living room.  Last night, of course, I was out of commission and had to leave for my room during dessert.  I haven't sat in here yet.  it is rather on the formal side. I was half expecting the baby grand piano but that is in an adjoining reception room.  We are all seated in a circle of comfy chairs with a coffee table in the middle, and small end tables between the chairs.  Three large windows with diamond paned leaded and bevelled glass open up onto the brilliant dying sunshine of this evening in May.  There is soft music in the background, Mozart I think.  There are golden blobs of light pouring through the windows, and little spectrum's colouring the white walls with broken rainbows.  I am thinking, now, broken rainbows.  Hope shattered, and scattered, and reassembled.  

"That was simply a most amazing dinner", Carol says almost singing,  as she nibbles on a cookie.

"Group effort", says Melissa, as she refreshes Carol's coffee for her.  Brother and sister hosts have both insisted that we let them do the serving for  evening coffee.  

"We want you to feel a little bit spoiled", Carl says.

"But not too spoiled", his sister rejoins.

"So, Melissa", Carol says.  "You are also a professional chef."

"I was in Switzerland", she says, returning to her chair.  

"And you are also an artist."

"Graphic designer, anyway."

"What was your life in Switzerland like?" They are seated directly across from each other.

"I was married then." replies Carl's little sister.  now she impales Carol with two very focussed and very staring eyes.  "Your turn, Carol", she says..."

The Peacock 201

 "I was quite nervous during that performance.  I usually am when I am playing for the home crowd."  

"Yes, I think I understand", says Carl.

"There was an awful lot going on in my life at the time.  London, you know, and I really wasn't sure if I was giving all my due diligence in practicing.  I seem to have got it right,.."

"There was a lot going on in your life?" he asks.

"Plenty.  Too much, really."  She scrapes the remains of the chocolate mousse cake, all soaked in Gran Marnier into her mouth.  I wonder if the coral lipstick affects the taste for her.  The rest of us are waiting, silently, for some kind of story, some kind of explanation to follow.   

She looks up, and directing her gaze at Melissa, asks, "Are seconds permitted on the dessert?"

"Yes", she says.  "Let me get it for you."

"Thank you, dear, I can get it."  

As Carol leaves the room, we are all still seated in expectant silence, perhaps collectively disappointed that she is not quite ready to tell any of her story, that she is not willing yet to be forthcoming.  

"Would anyone else like some more of this heavenly mousse cake?"

There are no takers.  Like a naughty school girl, Carol returns to the table with another bowlful of chocolate mousse cake which she proceeds to quietly shovel into her gaping maw....

The Peacock 200

Dessert is a dark, super rich chocolate mousse cake, obviously laced with some kind of booze. This is interesting.  This household appears to be teetotaller, but there is alcohol in the desserts, if the pears poached in Amaretto last night are any indication. Each generous serving of cake is served in an exquisite, white gold rimmed bowl, filled with heavy cream.  

"What is the fire water de jour, Mel", says Carl.

"Gran Marnier.  Did I overdo it?"

"We are not complaining, darling", purrs Carol.

"Not complaining in the least", Aaron concurs.

"When are you giving us a recital, Carol?" I ask.

She seems so lost in her gourmandizing ecstasy that she appears not to have heard me.

"Um, Carol?"  I repeat, looking directly at her, since this time I am seated directly across from her.

"Yes, darling?"

"When are you giving us a concert?"

"Oh, I should imagine next week some time.  I haven't practiced in almost a week, and I am feeling very rusty right now."

"Did you know that I heard you perform in London, ten years ago?"

She lights up.  "Did you?"

"You were playing Rachmaninov."

"Royal Albert."

 "You were nothing short of magnificent."

"Thank you, Christopher.  That is very kind.  I hope you weren't too disappointed."

"You were incredible.  Why would I have been disappointed?"

She pauses between mouthfuls, and is suddenly staring down at her dessert.  We are, I think, about to hear more from Carol this evening, I imagine...

The Peacock 199

 The food is exquisite.  Melissa it turns out, among other things, is a trained chef, and worked for a while in a couple of good restaurants in Switzerland.

"That was just for a couple of years", she says between mouthfuls of the casserole dish that has resulted from our combined efforts.  "I did that to help fund my  two years in graphic design college.  You see, even though we come from a rich family, Mom was bound and determined that both of us know the meaning of hard work, if we really wanted something bad enough.  It paid off."

This time Francois is the only person from the community next door to have joined us, which makes sense, given that we now are harbouring him as a refugee.  Apparently he has stayed in his room most of the day, only coming out to walk in the garden.  He is careful to time his excursions so as to avoid others from the community.  He has been chatting quietly with Carl, next to whom he is seated.  The rest of us seem pretty quiet right now, even Carol who hasn't bothered to put her rings back on since her piano practice.

Suddenly Aaron says, "Do you know what would be really cool?  If we could appoint a reader on some evenings to keep us entertained and edified while the rest of us dine in silence."

"But then the reader would have to go without eating", says Carl.

"That sounds like a great idea", says Melissa, rather deadpan.  "How soon can you start, Aaron?"

"Tomorrow?"

"You're one of our guests", says Carl.  One of us should do it.  "Melissa...Who´s it going to be?"

"If you don't mind doing all the cooking."

"Okay, then I'll do it", Carl says.

"But I can do it", says Aaron.  "I love reading aloud."

"You're a guest", says Carl, "and a guest you shall remain.  Don't argue."

Carol continues to eat in silence, as though all it takes is playing the piano for one hour to settle her ragged nerves....

The Peacock 198

 Here I am, slicing mushrooms.  Melissa wants them thinly chopped, but I haven't much of a talent for neat slicing.  Aaron is operating the blender, preparing a kind of humous, but thinned with heavy cream and yogurt.  He has just added the chickpeas, now the tahini.  Jesús is heating the skillet and watches as the butter sizzles.  Melissa is chopping an eggplant, and Carl is boiling potatoes.  Carol is nowhere to be seen, and perhaps has crept outside unawares for alone time in the garden.  

"Do you hear that?" says Carl.

Yes, piano.  Sounds like Chopin.  Carol is practicing in the other reception room.  Melissa throws the eggplant cubes in the pot of boiling oil, covers it, turns down the heat and stops to listen.  

"That is so exquisite!", she says, her face lighting into a huge smile.  "I'm gonna go in and listen for a bit.  Carl, watch the eggplant."

It is now loud enough so we can all clearly hear it.  She has lost none of her magic, and I simply want to pause, and sway, and soak in the magic and the colours of the notes she is sounding with such polish and perfection.

"Hey", Carl says, "She's a piece of work, yes, but what a piece of work."

"Yes", I agree.  "We are privileged to have her with us"

"Very privileged", says Aaron, smiling gently.

Jesús, smiling in a way that seems also solemn, throws into the skillet the mushrooms I have just sliced , and now I am adding several cloves of freshly peeled garlic.  Carl sprinkles on the soy sauce, fastens the lid on the skillet, and in unison we pause to listen to the music...

The Peacock 197

 "I woke up weeping", says Aaron, and his eyes do seem rather moist and his voice almost breaking.  I knew that wasn't just a dream, it was an actual visitation.  I was in a peculiar, heightened, lightened  and joyous state that lasted for several days.  Selectively, I told others about the vision, and all were as perplexed as I was.   I was in the library the next day.  And without even looking for anything, I suddenly came across a book that documented angelic visitations.   I borrowed the book, and much that I read collaborates perfectly with what happened to me."

I can feel myself sighing as I say, "Well, at least I know that I don't have a mental illness after all.  

"Or maybe we're all sickos", says Carl, chuckling.  "Where's Carol, by the way, she should be in on this don't you think?"

"I don't think she was meant to participate", Aaron says.  "How about Melissa?"

"Hard to say with my sister.  Even for me, she's often a closed book.  But I agree, Carol probably has enough to digest already."

"Don Jesús" Aaron says, "Qué pienses tu?"

"What did you just say?"  Carl asks.

Jesús replies, "He said, Sir Jesús, what do you think."

"Got your English back", says Carl.

"Carl", yells Melissa, "Get your toned ass in here and chop some vegetables already.  And bring one of our lovely guests with you."

"She who must be obeyed", says Carl laughing.  "Volunteers."

"I'll come", I say, pulling myself out of the comfort of the chair that has swallowed me whole.  And Aaron and Jesús both follow us into the kitchen...

The Peacock 196

 "I was having a weird kind of dream, like I was in a noisy crowd within the gates of ancient Babylon, then suddenly I was lifted out of that place and I seemed to have woken up from it, but I thought I was still dreaming, because I was seeing him, seated before me, the same beautiful being, in white, surrounded by light.  Then he spoke to me.  He asked me to tell me how I was feeling, because I was troubled.  So, I told him, everything about my life, from the very earliest time of my childhood and through to the present time.  I told him everything, and then I felt light and unburdened.  So I asked him who he was.  He smiled, much as he just smiled for you, Christopher.  He said grinning mischievously, "You think I'm twenty-two?"  I replied, no, that he is older, much much older than twenty-two, and I saw the number eighty thousand, so I imagined he was at least eighty thousand years old.  He smiled again, and then I wrapped my arms around him, clinging to him, begging him to never leave me.  Then, I fell back to sleep again, if I had been awake, or perhaps in a different state altogether.  That morning, I woke up, then I fell asleep again and I had a vision of all the planets evenly aligned from the sun, each held secure in its orbit.  I heard the voice of the angel telling me, "You can never get far from me.  I am with you always."

The Peacock 195

 "I have seen him before, years ago", Aaron says.

I reply, "You just saw..."

"The angel.  We have a protector in common, Christopher."

"You really saw him?"

"I really saw him.  About twenty-five years ago the first time."

Carl suddenly asks Aaron "What was going on in your life at the time?"

"You also saw him?" says Aaron.

"I saw him indeed.  But for me this is the first time."  Turning to Aaron, he says, "So this isn't your first time."

"I suppose I could tell you all something about it right now.  It was very strange. It was back in August of 1996.  I would have been forty then.  And I was going through a very difficult time.  The Community of the Transfiguration had recently broken up, and we were each living in different places.  I was just hanging on by a thread.  I was not securely employed, doing contract work as a home support worker, getting very few hours and sometimes having to depend on welfare in order to pay the rent, and that was it's own kind of hell, they made it such an onerous and kafkaesque process.  Plus, I was being afflicted by killer toothaches.  I was also in a building with noisy neighbours.   Really, I could not see any real direction for my life and I seemed to be living in a state of artfully contained despair..."

The Peacock 194

 "Who was that?" Jesús says.

"Who was whom?"

"That boy, he was just standing there in front of you, he was talking to you."

"Was he wearing white?"

"He was wearing white."

"And beautiful."

"Very beautiful."

"Surrounded by light."

"Yes."

"An angel, I think."

"Yes, an angel."

"What did he tell you?"

"That I am under his protection.  That this is  a place of great conflict."

"Yes."

"Did you see where he went?"

"No.  I slept again."

"Me too.."  Jesús and I look at each other.  Dumbfounded.

"What's going on?"  The voice belongs to Aaron.  He is staring at both of us, suddenly very wide awake...

The Peacock 193

 His face is so beautiful. and there appears to be a light or some kind of radiance, surrounding him.  He would be very young, perhaps twenty, or little more than twenty.  He is wearing white, billowing shining white, like a robe.  His hair appears sort of blond, wavy, framing a broad high cheekboned face and enormous shining dark eyes.  We are looking at each other.  He smiles rather, and I see a certain wisdom behind those eyes, not simply pretty, but beautiful.  I am in the presence of beauty, and I am feeling weak and very very small in this presence of glory.  He approaches me, then stands just inches before me.  

"Who are you?" I hear myself asking.

"You are very troubled, and you have been summoned here."

"Who are you?" I ask again.

"You are in a place here of great conflict, terrestrial and cosmic."

"Who are you?"

"You are under my care and protection.  You will be held secure in my presence."

Again he smiles, and I find myself clinging to him, my arms tight around his waist.

Now I am awake, still in the same chair.  Jesús has woken up and is staring intently at me.  Aaron is softly snoring from the love seat, and Carl is still sound asleep.  Melissa alone is gone and, of course Carol. The cat has also left....

The Peacock 192

We all seem quietly relieved at the  departure of Carol.  It is as though a dark cloud has gone way with her.  It is like someone has just flung wide open all the windows and doors to let in the fragrant spring air and the cool soothing breeze.  Jesús appears to have already fallen into a deep slumber.  And now I am yawning, and so is Carl, and Melissa, and Aaron.  We are about to engage in a communal nap?  Well, why not? The cat also sleeps now, next to Carol's now empty space.  Maybe that is how we really should be spending our time here.  Taking naps.  We are all tired, so very tired.  Life has really taken the piss out of all of us here.

Melissa alone appears alert, like a wildcat that has just heard the snapping of a twig.  She is not wearing her ballcap and her hair is gathered up in a hastily fastened knot.  I am still waiting to hear her story.  She is the silent partner.  I could almost ask her now, but no, I'm too tired, and feel just so deliciously lazy, and really I just want to lean back in this lovely big chair and enter oblivion.  Carl appears to be snoozing, his handsome head tilted to the left.  I could almost descend myself into those chambers of repose, but I feel also alert, as though it would be dangerous closing my eyes, dangerous for even a few seconds...

The Peacock 191

 "Philip said this would happen, Rhona told us as we stood there staring like idiots.  He said the masters would come to receive them home.  But only the chosen.  He said I wasn't chosen.  And obviously, neither were I, Lydia or Theo.  But I can't write anymore.  I am so tired.  and so afraid of sleeping.  I don't know what's going to happen to me.  I am worried about Lydia.  More than before, I realise now how much I have come to love her.  I am going to ask her soon to marry me...  "

"No puedo más" says Jesús.

"Yo tampoco", says Aaron.

"English, please", pronounces Carol.

"We can't go on", says Aaron.

"That is just so weird", says Melissa.

"But what a gripper!" says Carl.  "Can we continue this tomorrow?"

"De trocitos", says Jesús in a faintly audible squeak.

"English", says Carol rather tartly.

"Just in small doses", says Aaron.  To Jesús he says, "Cómo estás?"

"Quiero descansarme.  He perdido mi inglés.  Ocurre de vez en cuando, bajo estrés."

"Will you two Hispanics please remember that English happens to be Canada´s official language", sputters Carol, now unabashedly indignant.

"Along with French", corrects Carl mischievously.

"Oh will you stop", she says, just not shouting.

Aaron says, "Jesús says he sometimes forgets his English under stress, and this exercise has taken it out of him.  Out of us.  

"Then I say that it's time to adjourn", says Carol, huffily.

Jesús simply extends his legs the full length of the couch, closes his eys, and already begins to breathe like a sleeper..  Carol leaves, without excusing herself, and the rest of us just stay where we are in order to finish the cookies...

The Peacock 190

 "I still can't believe what I just saw, or didn't see,  What we just didn't see.  We are truly the only ones left here, me, Lydia, Rhona and Theo.  We sat up in one of the living rooms till three, but now I'm so tired, so we each crept off to our bedrooms.  I almost asked Lydia to stay with me tonight, but I think we are needing time alone to digest everything.  The thing is, will they be coming back?

They were all wearing their white ceremonial robes, I think twenty altogether, since with us four it would be twenty-four, and we just were not going to participate.  I'm actually surprised, but not too surprised that Rhona also got away  She just seems way too cool headed to be duped like the rest of them.  She even mentioned, insofar as I could understand her English, since she speaks really fast, but that for her, Philip was merely a toy, nothing.

They were singing plainsong Gregorian chant, but using their peculiar scriptures where everything sacred is distorted.  They were walking single file, carrying torches.  No one seemed to notice us, but, as usual, they all appeared to be drugged.  They all filed out way to the back, to the new magnolia tree.  In the clearing they formed a circle, then the circle took the form of a spiral moving in towards its own centre, and then the incredible occurred  One by one, as each moved to the centre of the circle they disappeared.  One by one.  We stood there, horrified, watching our pseudo family vanish as though into the ether..."

The Peacock 189

 "Now it's 11 May. 1966", says Jesús.  "It has been very quiet all day.  Everyone seems to have disappeared.  It is very quiet around here.  It is creepy. Lydia and I are still around. So is Theo.  I just saw Rhona taking a walk in the gardens, or what 's left of them.  Everything here is overgrown with weeds.  Caring for the grounds here has not been a priority of this particular community, or should I call it a cult?  I asked Rhona if she saw Philip, she just shrugged then kept walking.  It's late right now. Lydia is off in her own room.  If everyone is gone, then we will see if she can move here into my room with me.  Such absolute hypocrites.  I can't even sleep with my woman becase they want the sexes segregated, but Philip can harvest as many "brides" as he likes to call them in order to satisfy his swinish lust.  Given that Lydia was one of them, however reluctant, and however unwilling, I even have mixed feelings about having her back in bed with me.  She seems like tainted goods.

"I know I'm being unfair to her.  It isn't like I have exclusive rights with her, or her with me, even if we are sort of monogamous.  And I believe her when she says that she actually didn't let him touch her.  I think she is the first woman who's successfully resisted him.  And that seemed to somehow sap him of his power.  He has become, in a sense, impotent, so it is no longer hard to resist him.  But the others still seem to be eating out of his hand.  It's ugly.  So ugly.  

They don't seem to have left.  We have heard murmurings, from time to time, coming from the leaders' wing of the mansion.  What are they up to?  What are they planning?  What are they plotting?  I know that it's late, but I'm not even sure if it's safe yet to go to sleep.  Something is brewing, and right now, I hear voices out in the garden.  They are singing, or chanting, together.  I have to find out what's going on..".

The Peacock 188

 "How quickly the cream turns sour.  We've been here more than five months now.  We drove out last fall to escape from the Montreal winter, and ended up here in Vancouver the night before Halloween.  It was Rhona who told us about this place.  We met her at a party and she was all dressed up like one sexy kitty cat, and she comes purring over to where we were sitting on the sofa together, and  twirls her tail seductively three or four times, then plants herself right in between us.  So, she purrs her way right into our hotel room with us and we all opt for a lovely little overnight together.  At breakfast she tells us about this fantastic sprawling mansion she is living in with a community of people, idealists, working together for a higher purpose of universal love and brotherhood.  Really, she made it sound so alluring and seductive, every bit as seductive as her own sexy feline self, so we drove her back with us, and she was the bait and the hook, and Lydia and I haven't left the place ever since.  She did her job oh so very well, and apparently that is her job, going out into the community for live meat to bring home to feed to her kittens.  

"There was even a write up about this place in one of the new Vancouver underground rags, this one called Tribes, and all about alternative communities.  A very flattering piece and all about heaven on earth and angels walking among us.  Strange coincidence that we should read about this just the day before, after we booked into our hotel, and I was looking for something to read.  It was another guest in the hotel who invited us to the Halloween Party.  We met him in the lounge downstairs.  A rather affable, artistic type, but what a cheap drunk! He didn't appear to know Rhona, so I don't think there's any plot going on here..."

The Peacock 187

 "That was May 10, 1966", says Jesús.  "Here is the next day, 11 May:

"Lydia and I at last got some time alone together.  It is impossible for us to make love in this sick atmosphere, so when we do get away in the woods, it's mostly to draw up plans for our escape.  It shouldn't be so difficult, now that we seem to have both emerged from the brainwashing.  I was so worried about her for a while, especially after James picked her as one of his "brides."  For her that was the limit.  She tells me that just one night in bed with that disgusting pig was enough to shock her out of the hypnosis.  But right now, everything has been overturned.  Plus the RCMP have already paid us a couple of visits and we are under investigation. There is no telling what that maniac will try to pull off.  Unfortunately everyone else is still eating out of his hand, except maybe for Theo, but he is so goddamn quiet and inside himself that it is really difficult to get even two words out of him  Today, we are going to try again with him.  I am just so glad that Philip hasn't so far got the idea of providing his goons with guns, but that could be coming next.  We have to make our break from this place while we can.  Every fucking second is going to count.

"As for having any further access to the disgusting pig's bedchamber, Lydia has so far managed to excuse her way out of it.  For some reason, he appears to be leaving her alone, for now, perhaps because he is already distracting himself with that Rhona bitch, who is younger, and prettier, and also seems to have the great messiah wrapped around her little finger.  She also seems to have preserved her own mind, but we don't trust her.  She is duplicitous, and seems to already have herself a good thing going, controlling and manipulating the grand puppeteer himself.

The thing is, even the most carefully laid plans can go completely awry, so we have to make sure our timing, and our luck are completely on our side.  We still don't think we should act yet, not for a couple of weeks anyway.  The hanged man came up in our card reading last night, so we are going to have to delay yet a little bit longer..."

The Peacock 186

 "They can all languish in their rooms for all I care.  Being the cook, naturally I have access to the kitchen, so this  morning I fried me up three eggs, with bacon, toast and peanut butter and blueberry jam.  Besides, no one knows yet that I also caught Philip, our exalted leader in the same damn kitchen this morning, feasting on a chicken drumstick.  He begged me to keep my mouth shut and I simply replied by getting out the stuff and cooking us both up a breakfast to remember.  He only barely succeeded in dissuading me from ringing the dinner bell for the others.  The hypocritical twit sicked his goon on me anyway, but even though I'm smaller, I'm also a better fighter, and he is not going to try anything again.  Besides, being in on his dirty little secret, whether he likes it or not, has bonded us, and now I have an edge on the great messiah.

"I am glad to see that my magnolia is finally doing well and it looks like it's going to survive.  It reminds me of Spain, naturally, and no one seems opposed to it being here.  Now it is producing its first cream coloured flower, but still small and spindly.  The peacocks seem to like it here.  This is where they congregate. No one seems to know they are here.  When I mentioned them to Lydia, she just looked at me funny, and thought that Philip's brainwashing techniques had worked rather too well on me.  At least she also is still sane.  Together we are plotting our escape from this godforsaken place..."

185

 Jesús calmly opens the battered journal.  He scans it, then passes it to Aaron who is seated next him on the couch.  They are talking quietly in Spanish.  Then Jesús directs his attention to all of us in the room here.  He says, "Aaron has a better English vocabulary, so he will do a lot of talking, but I can interpret this fine.  I think he comes from Spain.

"Carajo! No me apetece ninguna de esta tontería del gilipollas Philip." reads aloud Jesús.

"Fuck this!" Aaron translates.  "I have no time at all for any of that stupid twit, Philip, or any of his nonsense."

Slowly, haltingly, Aaron continues, "He has declared ...that I have ...to lock myself in the solitary cell for breaking the fast...prematurely..."

"Jesús reads, "Lo he dicho que él empuja en su culo su cabeza y luego me diga qué dulce y fragante."

Says Aaron, "I told him he should stick his head up his ass then tell me how sweet and fragrant it is in there.  

Then he continues, "I have just told the big guy that  if he touches me I'll crack his face open. The guy is a coward and really afraid of me, so they are leaving me alone.  I am still in disgrace, but no one forbids me from eating and whatever else, and  of course, I am still doing chores.  God almighty, and to think I escaped from Franco's prison camp that he has turned Spain into, only to live in this godforsaken cult..."

The Peacock 184

 We are back in the small living room and we are all present.  Melissa is proudly displaying the brownies she baked today.  She seems to love to cook and bake much as Carol enjoys eating it all.  I have never seen a woman with such appetite.  I am amazed she is just Rubenesque and not morbidly obese. As for me, I would rather be off alone somewhere.  My head is practically sore and aching from all the intensity since my arrival here.  And I won't lie about Erik.  I am profoundly worried about him.  I don't want him staying with me.  And I do want him staying with me.  I think Ben could be for him the perfect foil.  He is my first really close friend since Kenny.  And older, near Aaron's age, I would say.  He appears to be almost in love with me, but he already drew a clear boundary about sex. He simply isn't interested.  And I think I also love him back, but this is not a romance, but I think developing into a deep and long friendship.  He does remind me a lot of Aaron and I hope to introduce them sometime.

I am very curious about meeting this Doug guy, the purported leader of the community here.  Bad blood between him and Aaron, and possibly won't show his face as long as he's here.

Carol, between bites of what would be her fourth brownie (and they are big, and yes, I am counting her intake!) looks up from her loveseat shared only by the big orange cat, "I believe we have something arranged for this little soireé, haven't we?"

Carl, from one of the armchairs, says, "I Have Cosme's diary here, Jesús, if you would like to have a look at it."  He hands it to him...

The Peacock 183

 The ride back is quiet.  We are sated by food, and practically comatose.  I think we are all also a little bit exhausted from talk, from drama, from things of intrigue and scandal.  Jesús and I both have our phones again and we are quietly scrolling, each in his solitude.  Aaron in the front seat, looks out the window, and exchanges with Carl scant comments about the food we just ate (excellent), the history of the town (quite old for BC). the weather and the landscape.  There is nothing interesting on my Twitter feed which I rarely look at these days.  Just some sad comments and frightening statistics about the pandemic.  We have not  been immunized yet.  Three birthdays on Facebook.  And a text from my friend Ben, who worries about me a lot.  He just sent me yet another coloured smiley face, this one is bright orange.  I like it.  He always sends me little texts and nice images.  I get so lonely, and I like this but I'm still too shy to tell him.   To my surprise, I have lost interest in my phone and without thinking I have shoved it back in my pocket.  Jesús is also off his phone now.  His head is leaning forward and he appears to be sleeping.  

"What's on for  this afternoon?" I ask anyone.

"We should be back in time for two o'clock coffee chat", Carl says.  "I was thinking, Jesús, that maybe we could have a look at Cosme's diary."

"He's snoozing", I say.  Next to me, the peacock feather on his neck seems to sway gently to the rhythm of his breathing  Again I have to suppress a desire to reach across and touch it with my fingertip...

The Peacock 182

 "How did you know you were in danger?" Carl asks, setting down his chopsticks.

"The skulls."

"The skulls?" say I.

"Little plastic skulls.  Like the ones Mexicans use for Day of the Dead.  Therefore, I think there is a Mexican connection."

"What about the skulls?" asks Aaron.

"One was left at the door of Esteban, my friend.  He is, or was, a journalist.  Two days later he was gone.  Then, six months later, one was left at Yolanda's door, his girlfriend.  Then she was gone in a week.  Three days before my flight to Canada, there was a skull left at my door.  I was nervous, very scared.  I think I was followed to the airport.  I could see someone watching me in the airport.  No one followed me on the plane."

"Do you know yet what was really going on, Jesús?" asks Carl.

"This morning there was a text on my email.  No reply.  Only said words, in Spanish, "Aún te sigue la calavera."

"The skull still follows you", translates Aaron.

Jesús is clearly distraught.  Carl says, "You are safe here, Jesús.  You are safe with us.."

He stares down at the uneaten food on his plate.  "Can we leave soon.  I need to be back at the house", he says.

The Peacock 181

 "All my family is in Colombia.  My mom and dad are divorced with different partners and they live in different cities.  My dad is  in Bogotá and my mom lives with her husband in Santa Marta on the coast.  I have two brothers and one sister.  I am the youngest.  They all live in Bogotá."

"Do you miss them?" Carl asks.

"Very much", says Jesús, his eyes softening.  "I miss them all greatly.  Especially my mom.  We talk a lot on Skype, but I haven't been there since I left five years ago."

"Do you plan to go back?" I ask, still wanting to put my finger on his tattoo.

"I can't", he pauses, "It isn't safe."

"What happened", Aaron asks.

Jesús puts his fork down at the side of his plate, as though he has lost his appetite.  "First my best friend.  Then his girlfriend.  Then they told me it would be me next.  They tell me they are still after me."

"Who are they?" Carl asks.

"I don't really know.  My friend, then his girlfriend, they both disappeared.  I was already about to fly to Canada, when my turn was coming..."

The Peacock 180

 "Is there a story there?" says Carl, most predictably, I would say.

"Father Griffin thought it better for me that I come here to stay with you for a while."

"And you met Robert at the dinner?" I ask Jesús.

"He is also trying to learn Spanish."

"How do you find Father Griffin?" Aaron asks.

"I find him at the dinner", says Jesús, clearly struggling right now with his English.  He does seem rather uncomfortable right now, his eyes appear haunted, rather vacant, and he is toying with the contents on his plate.  He is the only one who declined the use of chopsticks and appears to be playing a kind of a game of miniature soccer as he moves broccoli and peas around with his fork.  I suddenly want to touch the peacock feather tattoo on the side of his neck.

"I mean, what do you think of him?"

"He is a very kind man.  Very friendly.   And very funny.  He seems to want everyone to be his friend."

"And there are times", says Carl, "That I even think that he has almost succeeded.  But tell us more about the people you left behind in Colombia..."

the Peacock 179

 "I was with some people in a café and we were all divided into pairs of people, one Spanish, one English.  My partner was Stacy.  I thought she was very nice, and her Spanish was also very good. Much like your Spanish, Aaron."

"Thanks", Aaron says.  Our server brings a couple of vegetarian stir fries, followed by a plate of egg foo yung.  There is plenty for all of us as we begin to dig in. Aaron continues, "Did Stacy introduce you to Father Griffin?"

"Yes, in the dinner."

"What made you want to attend? " Carl says.  "I mean, besides food." 

"Stacy seemed like a very nice lady.  Very friendly.  Very kind.  And she was the first Canadian I knew who could speak really good Spanish.  I also wanted to go to church again.  I was mostly away after coming to Canada, and my mom was getting worried.  And I was wanting to reconnect.  I just didn't know where to go.  I been to Catholic church here, in the cathedral, but it wasn't the same. "

"You said you came here to Canada to study English?" I ask Jesús.

"I was working in an engineering company in Bogotá and they wanted me to improve my English, so they helped me get into a program here in Vancouver. Then I decided I didn't want to go back to Colombia."

"You like it here better?" Carl asks. 

"It's safer here.  Too many people in Bogotá know me.  The wrong people."

The Peacock 178

 "Well", I mention to Jesús.  "Why don't you tell us about how you met Father Griffin?"

The owner of the diner sets down four glasses of water.  "I knew Father Griffin at the church", Jesús begins.  "I was in a special  English class there.  One of the priests, a woman, invited us to dinner and to practice English  with her.  Father Griffin was also present, to help her."

"How did you find out about the English class?" Carl asks.

"I was in a language exchange group.  We met in the cafeteria.  Some speak Spanish and help Canadians who want to learn.  The Canadians help us with English.  There was a woman there that told me about the dinner.  She thought it would be a friendly place for learning English.  She also goes to the church."

"Stacy?" I ask.

"Yes,  She lived in El Salvador for some years, helping with community development, especially for victims of the drug war."

It seems clear that this is not going to be easy for Jesús.  It isn't just his English, which he is struggling with quite nobly.  He is naturally shy.  He is clearly not a talker, not even in his own native Spanish.

Who is this Stacy" Carl asks.

"Oh, a very interesting lady.  She is a doctor and her husband is... salvadoreño?"

"In English", Aaron says, "You want to say Salvadoran."

"Yes, thank you, Aaron.  her husband is Salvadoran.  She was there to practice her Spanish, which is already very good, but I think she also likes to know people from Latin America."

"So, how did it go?" says Carl.