The Peacock 1531

"What did you think lf the church service", say I to Jesús. The fresh green of the new leaves almost hurts my eyes it is so beautifully intense. "Boring. Very boring." "What did you think of the priest." "Why is that man a priest. He is so...so... disgusting." "He seemed to really like you." "He like me too much. Disgusting man. He should not be a priest." "Oh come on, you have even worse pigs than that in the Catholic Church." He doesn't answer and soon we are in the deep forest

The Peacock 1529

Neither Jesús nor I have bothered to go up for communion. The whole protocle with masks, social distancing and sanitizing the hands has rendered public worship practically unworkable. Plus, the stuffed shirt liturgical drag queen did absolutely nothing to inspire us. At the door on the way out he did want to detain Jesús with mindless small talk, his eyes roving up and down him like a manic zamboni on an ice rink. Now we are in the forest...

The Peacock 1529

But only on principle. Given the poor selection among queer men and women for suitable clergy, is it any wonder that this mistake stuffed into a gold and white chasible is now permitted to bore us about his private life. a verging on obese, pompous stuffed shirt. Dad must be rolling in his grave. Fortunately it isn't a long sermon. And we have gotten now through the new modern and mercifully brief version of the creed, followed by the prayers of the people. Everyone is still wearing masks, and seated at least six feet away from one anohter, and the prayers of the people appears to be dominated by covid.

The Peacock 1528

There are perhaps thirty present in this A frame church built to hold maybe just over a hundred. Mostly older, reasonably well off, mostly but not exclusively white poeple. We arrived ten minutes late. Now we are standing as an elderly but youthful and athletic looking lady of seventy or so reads from Mark's Gospel about Jesus walking on the water. O you of little faith. The minister, approaching forty, swishes to the microphone to deliver the sermon, rather like a drag queen in his gold and white vestments, and makimg some sort of allusion between the power of faith when we are faced with challenges and the difficulties of finding a compatible same sex partner on the internet...If this is typical of the new progressive all inclusive queer clergy, then I am afraid that Dad was probably right about his position against same sex marriage, though I still refuse to agree with him...

The Peacock 1527

We have agreed to walk. We should arrive in less than half an hour. There is a shortcut through the forest, but really with the way the trails wind this could be more of a detour. It doesn't matter. Jesús is clearly enjoying the forest as he stops to look at things, to take in a certain clump of swordferns, and the salmonberries now ripening on the bushes. We have echanged hardly a word since leaving the house and I like this, because the best friendships are founded and clothed in silence...

The Peacock 1526

I open the door slightly. he seems to be just waking up. "Jesús? "Good morning", he says smiling. "Come to church with me this mornng?" "Where?" "It isn't far. we could walk or drive, but the service starts in an hour and a half." "What time now?" "It's nine." "Who else is up?" "Just me. Go have a shower and come join me for breakfast...

The Peacock 1525

I am the only one up this morning, and I am holding vigil at the kitchen table, mug full of hot strong coffee and plate with three slices of toast and a jar of peanut butter and a jar of strawberry jam. I might go to church. It's Sunday. St Jude's maybe, or maybe the united Church down the street, or st Anselm's Anglican across the way. I haven't been to a proper church service in a while. I seem to have slept enough. Before the episode with Jesús last night I had already had nearly six hours, since I'd gone to bed early, and then another hour and a half for catch up. All good. I might wake him up and invite him to church with me. I did promise to spend the day with him today, and yes, without thinking further, with toast and jam and peanut butter morphing into a disgusting mass inside my mouth, here I am at his door, knocking lightly...

The Peacock 1524

"I could never imagine sex with Juan. We were too close, even if he wasn't straight." "That says it all." "I think you're right." "Listen Jesús. Ever since I saw you the first day of my retreat I have liked you and wanted to know you better. Here is our opportunity. What do you think?" "You are right, Chris", he says yawning. "I am sorry I was a problem for you. It won't happen again." "How about tomorrow we spend time together. Just you and me." "I would like that, yes." "Me too. Now let's go to bed. Our own beds." We are both smiling.

The Peacock 1523

Anyway, I am very sorry that happened. He was killed by narcotraffickers, wasn't he?" "He was killed by devils and worshippers of devils", says Jesús grimly. "He learned about them. And he was writing about them. They killed him just before he finished writing the article. But now I have it. Juan was afraid this might happen so he asked me to keep a copy in my archives. The devils suspected this and started sending me threats, so I had to leave Colombia, but they caught up with me here." You were very close to Juan." "We were like brothers." "Would you say that you were so close, that even if sex was possible, it would never have needed to happen between you?"

The Peacock1522

Are you still in contact with anyone you have ever had sex with?" "No." "Some connection. How about your best friend in Colombia?" "He is completely straight. That would never have happened between us." "But you are connected to each other." "He is dead now. I told you about it in the big house." "Yes. I seem to remember now...

The Peacock 1521

It isn't sex you need." Jesús stares blankly at me from his side of the kitchen table. He still smells of alcohol but appears to have sobred up. What you're really looking for is connection. He is picking at the muffin on his plate. It is now 3 am and we have been at the table here the last five minutes. "What do I need?" "connection." That's how I get connection. Through sex." "Does it work very well." "Not always. Sometimes." "No. never."

The Peacock 1520

What I really need to do is pee. I don't suppose I would wake him if I come and go quietly. This must be the house with the most basic and utilitarian bathroom in the neighborhood, though I can't say that I have visited other bathrooms in the neighbourhood. Never had Dad been one to put up pictures or other decorations in here. The walls are white. The tile is white. The toilet, sink and bathtub are all white. As the toilet is flushing, and naughtily forgetting to wipe the toilet or wash my hands I slink back to my room and find that jesús has moved to the bed where under the covers he is faking sleep. I seat myself in the wicker chair. "We have two options", say I. "Either you will get up and return to your room. Or I will go sleep there." He doesn't seem about to budge. But now, as I am getting up and going towards the door, he is suddenly up and squeezing past me. I smell alcohol. "Jesús, is there something we are needing to talk about?"

The Peacock 1519

I just dreamed that I was in a footrace and that I was the only one running barefoot, but I was also the only one prepared to run through kneedeep water. Okay. It's 2:18 in the morning, and I suddenly realize I am not alone. I see in the dark a silhouette in the wicker chair. I reach for the table lamp and it is Jesús, sleeping with his head cocked to his right, snoring softly. I don't know what to do about this. He shouldn't be in here, but I don't want to wake him either. He appears to really have a thing for me, and I don't know what to do about it. I don't think he would be so bold as to climb into bed with me, and seriously, part of me wouldn't at all mind....

The Peacock 1518

Now I know just what it is about Erik that I find frustrating. He is just so completely selfish and self-centred. A typical ablist little Nordic ageist and racist demigod. Yes, what he is going through is hard, and I wouldn't wish two weeks confined to a hotel room on anyone, but he has to start clueing in that it is not all about him. Of course, living with us here, especially around Carl and Francois, he will have no other choice. it's either change or get out, I'm afraid. And here I have to start separating between my feelings for him, which are very tender, loyal and loving, and the reality that he is one immature, privileged and entitled spoiled little Swedish brat. But he is also in danger from Greta and Lindstrom, and this has to invoke pity. Please Lord, don't let me become an unyielding overbearing church lady monster with him. But he has to start growing up. And it looks like we, Carl, Francois and I, are going to be the ones to make this real for him. Well, someone has to do it, I suppose, and we still have to unravel this whole dark, tacky and scary mystery surrounding everything here. At times like this, I really miss Dad...

The Peacock 1517

Erik has sent me a text. "Can't sleep right now. Busy?" I phone him. "Hi." "I am bouncing off the walls here. And I haven't even finished one week." "This is difficult for you." "It's overreach", he says. It's a complete violation of human rights. They want to be dictators." "Stop being dramatic. It's all in the interest of public health." "It's only flu." "It seems to me they took that kind of attitude in Sweden for a few months and look what happened." "A lot of old people got sick and died." "Younger ones too. Stick it out is my advise. If you break your quarantine they'll throw you in jail then kick you out of the country." "I thought this was Canada." "Oh, but this is Canada, dear boy, this is Canada."

The Peacock 1516

He eases himself into the wicker chair which is a survivor from my earliest years. It seems to me that wicker chair has always been in my father's room. My room. he appears to be set to make himself comfortable. I haven't undressed yet for bed, but I am occupying the centre, with my phone and laptop sprawled on my right and a couple of books on my left, leaving no room or question of doubt. This is my space, and I am the one occupying it. Jesus is wearing a white teeshirt and white shorts with bare feet. Clearly ready to turn in. In the room on the other side of the bathroom, of course. He seems a bit sad and pensive.. "How are you." "I feel very sad about what just happened here." "As do I." He seems quite focussed on me right now. "What particularly is making you sad right now, Jesús." "George. Him being drunk like that. He was very rude. To everyone." "That was the alcohol talking through him, I'm afraid." "He, what is the word, propositioned me. Right in front of everyone. Right in front of his husband." "Oh my god!" "I do not want to live here in the same house with him." "Did anything like that occur before you guys came here, at the mansion?" "No." "And it isn't going to happen here." "I am afraid of going to sleep in this house when he is here. Can I sleep in your room tonight?" So that's what he wants. I find myself smiling, because he is nice looking and sweet and of course I am going to feel flattered. But..."The answer is no." "Okay", he says rather heavily. "but should anything happen, or if you are feeling uncomfortble or unsafe and want to talk, plese knock on my door." He is smiling now. Perhaps relieved? "Thank you Christopher. Thank you so much." He gets up and goes to the door. "Good night."

The Peacock 1515

Alone in my room. My father's room, yes, but now it is my room. Mine. I haven't been back here a week, and more drama, more and more drama. I am the leader of this community. Why don't I decree that we disband? Each one on his own path, to get on with their lives. And what would I do, then? Find a nursing position, and either move into the condo and sell the house, or sell the house and move into the condo. And resume being completely and totally alone. Except for Erik. But what would Erik and I become? A couple? Married couple. Or simply too semi-closeted fags who can't get away from each other, but don't have the cojones to actually fuck each other. Nobody's going anywhere. God has thrown us together... Everyone's gone home now, or Sarah has gone back with Carol, anyway. I can hear Jesús going from the bathroom to his makeshift guestroom, my father's office. I did hesr a murmured conversation through the wall between George and Jeffrey. Their voices were rising just a little bit and I feared having to sit through an unwelcome matrimonial quarrel. But now they are quiet. Perhaps screwing, but if I am not already mistaken, there doesn't seem to be a lot of passion in their arrangement. There is a soft knowck on the door and Jesús pokes his head in and says, "Do you have time to talk?"

The Peacock 1514

"We can think about it, anyway", says George, now more composed. "This is something that has to be done, you guys", says Carl. "Are we being delivered an order?" says George. "Yes", says Francisco. "This is unanimous?" says George. "I'm afraid it is", I reply. "what do you think, Sarah", says George. "Do as you're told", she says wearily. "Carol?" "Likewise." "Jesús?" "I think it is a good idea." "Unanimity", says George, sighing. "Hazel?" "We have no other option." "I suppose you are right, dear, I suppose you are right..."

The Peacock 1513

Adam, or Jason, because he really seems two persons in one, looks solemnly at George, but his eyes are not hard and piercing, rather soft and receptive. "Thank you George. yes, I forgive you. I forgive you completely. Now we must move forward." "George", say I. "What about AA?" "Well, what about them?" "Have you been through their program?" "No. But I suppose it would be worth a try." "How about you, Jeffrey?" "We really haven't had time. With everything else that has been going on." "Are you both prepared now to make the time?" "Starting when?" "Starting tomorrow. There is a United Church nearby with an AA group that meets there twice a week. I was reading their sign the other day. There will be a meeting tomorrow evening at seven. How about it?" "Could you come with us?" says Jeffrey. "I can walk you to the church, then wait for you in the coffee shop, and you could debrief with me then. But otherwise, this is something you both need to do on your own."

The Peacock 1512

George is now weeping. "I didn't mean to be so horrible", he wails, I just couldn't help myself. I feel so horrible. About everything." There is alcohol mixed with his tears, but this hasn't prevented Jeffery from going over and standing behind him in support, hands on his shoulders. "We've been under so much pressure", says George, now beginning to calm. "All these years. First those two priests we had to blackmail into behaving themselves. Those two that drowned in Switzerland. Then all the problems at the abbey, and then at your mansion, Carl, and now what to do now. We have no church left, no vocation. I feel just so completely lost." He now looks to Jason and says, "Adam, I am so sorry about what I did to you. I hurt you. I know this. Please forgive me." Then to Jeffrey, he turns around and says, "Hazel, can you ever forgive me for being such a poor excuse for a husband?"

The Peacock 1511

All eyes are now on George, who remains seated, head bowed, hardly obscuring the scowl on his face. "George?" says Jeffrey. "It was an accident", he says. "I was drinking." "When a drunk driver kills someone with his car", says Carl, "It is not called an accident. It is called homicide." "I wasn't in control of myself. Besides, I thought you wanted it." "When I walked by Jason's bedroom", says Jeffrey, "I distinctly heard his voice shouting the words, get the fuck off of me. That did not sound like consent. I didn't know you were in there with him, but I was concerned about Adam or, Jason, so that's why I opened the door and pulled you off of him." "Thank you Jeffrey", says Jason. "For both times coming to my aid, both then and now..."

The Peacock 1510

"And on behalf of my husband and I", he says, "I would like to apologize for our disgraceful conduct here today. I also share the blame because I did absolutely nothing to try to stop him." "Do you both still drink, or was this a relapse", says Francisco. "A bit of both", replies Jeffrey. "We managed to stay mostly dry while in the monstery, but we did have a couple of lapses in the house, especially George, which led", right now he is eyeing Jason, "To some unfortunate consequences. "Adam, or Jason, because that is your real namne after all, George and I are both terribly sorry about what he tried to do to you last year." "you have already apologized plenty", reples Jason. "I have yet to hear those words from your husband."

The Peacock 1509

"Were you saving it all for a special occasion", says George, clearly surly and uncowed. "with everything else that was going on, I had forgotten completely about it." "So, you re wanting a completely dry household", says George. "Yes." "Like a bunch of Baptists." "George", says Jeffrey, "You are going to tell them, or I will." "Shut up Hazel", he retorts, menacingly, "And not one further word out of you." "Au contraire, darling. They all have a right to know." "I said shut up." "You shut up", he roars at his husband, who finally seems ready to cede. "Everyone, George and I are both alcoholics..."

1508

It is pretty clear that Jeffrey has already had more than enough of being the longsuffering little gay hubby and I am more than a little gratified seeing how nicely he can kick George's ass. I myself pick up the two bottles of liquor and carry them into the bathroom where I quickly empty them into the toilet. "Is there any more?" "That should be it", says Jeffrey. They are both standing behind me by the bathroom door. Back in the living room I can see that Chelsea and her stepmom have both left. "They were both pretty embarrassed", says Sarah. "I suppose we are having a meeting?" "I suppose that we are", say I. "And I am sure they will both get over it." "There's been a real change in you, Chrisopher", she says as I sit between her and Carol on the couch. "It looks good on you." "I find that you have become rather bossy", says Carol. "But I do agree with Sarah, it does become you, Christopher." We are all gathered round now in various chairs and seatings. "I have something to say", says jeffrey. And now he shines like an indignant English schoolboy. "Shortly after you all left, George went tearing around the kitchen, certain he would find some booze, which he finally got out of the back of the pantry." "My father went through a period of alcoholism, and so as he was going in for treatment, I hid all the booze on him. I am amazed you were able to find it.

The Peacock 1507

He stares at me in disbelief. "Right now!" I pick up the scotch and brandy from the dining room table. Sarah picks up the sherry and dubonnet and hands them to George. On the kitchen table there is gin and vodka. We both head for the ktchen sink where we empty the bottles. Then for a long time I leave the kitchen tap running at full force, purging and cleansing this vile defilement. "Is that all the booze you found in the cupboard?" "Yes." "No", says Jeffrey from behind. "You just hid in our room a bottle of rye and Amaretto. Follow me Christopher." "Rat", barks George at his partner. "Don't you start again with me you asshole or you will be permanently sleeping on the fucking couch!"

The Peacock 1506

Dorothy occupies the centre of the couch flanked by Carol on her left and Sarah on her right. Dorothy´s white helmut of hair has been just dyed a blazing shade of fuschia. Both Sarah and Carol sport neat haircuts, Sarah's remains undyed, and Carol's shines a more luminous than usual shade of copper. "We were going to send out a search party", says Dorothy, lifting a glass of sherry to her lips. "Lovely to see you here", says Carol, whimsically, who is also drinking sherry. Sarah gets up to approach us. "Thank God you're back", she says, appearing angry and frustrated. The techno music is very loud. The first thing I do is to brush past Chelsea, George, Jeffrey and Jesús to the laptop on the diningroom table, now hooked up with a speaker. I shut it off, close it, and disconnect the speaker. All is now quiet.. "Hey!" shouts George, who appears to be the only one really drunk here. Standing still, I turn to him, pointing my finger and thunder, "Get out of my house!" Carl comes up from behind and says, "Chris, please, that is harsh." George is staring at me in shock. And he suddenly appears sobre. "You're not serious. Are you?" he says. "How dare you desecrate my family home this way!" He stares at me, like a puppy being scolded for defected on the Persian carpet. "You may stay here tonight on one condition. Gather up all of my father's remaining booze that you have pilfered, and pour it down the sink. All of it. Every single fucking drop...

The Peacock 1505

"Anything else you'd like to say about your father", says Francois to Jason as we turn onto the street where I live. "We look a lot alike. School teacher. High school. Social studies and English. Very progressive. Always loved by his students, often getting into trouble with the administrators for his talent for speaking incovenient truths." "Is he still teaching?" "Yes. They live in Salt Lake City in Utah. His second wife he basically rescued from the Mormons and now they live together more or less happily ever after." "Do you ever think of visiting them?" "It still isn't on my map, though I like his second wife." We are at the front door and there is a loud racket of dance music and voices...

The Peacock 1504

"Don't any of you dare touch another drop. We are coming right over." "I knew that would get your little asses moving." To the others I say, "They found some liquor that both Dad and I forgot to dispose of when he went sobre. We have to get back right away." "They got shitfaced", says Carl. "We gotta go." "As we leave the coffee shop, Carl asks Jason, "What does George have against you." Lazarus answers for him, "Last year he kept repeatedly hitting on Jason who kept repeatedly turning him down, He does not seem about to forgive him." "So, that's what was going on", says Francois. "Why didn't you tell us anything." "Easy question that requires a difficult answer", says Jason. "Does Jeffrey know", sys Carl. "Jeffrey threatened to rat on him if he didn't stop. Fortunately he has become a friend and ally", says Jason...

The Peacock 1503

"It's just as well, then, Sable. Don't worry. I only just remember that conversation that I had with Mom more than thirty years ago. Funny, how selective the memory can be. and I have always had trouble with memory." "I'm interested in hearing about your father", says Francois. "You say he's remarried?" "We haven't been in touch in a while. I think he's wanting me to write him, though it has been a couple of years, and I really do owe him a letter. "snail mail." says Carl. "He refuses to use email. he isn't quite a dinosaur, has a computer and a smartphone, but he prefers all communications the old fashioned way." "He has a new family?" say I. "two little girls. I have pictures of them and his second wife. Lovely people. Esther actually did send me an email last week asking how I am." "It sounds like you like them", says Carl. "Very much. Dad and I have always been close." My phone is ringing. George. "Where the fuck are you", he says almost shouting. "We're going to be a little while yet. Please give our apologies to Chelsea and her stepmom, this could take at least another hour." "So, you're not going to tell you that Adam has seduced all of you with his questionable magic?" "This seems pretty important for him." "Important. don't believe that overripe pretty boy's horseshit." "George. " And I am trying to measure my words carefully. "I well not have this kind of slander." "And who died and made you God?" He sounds like he's been drinking. "I am the leader of this community and it is my house you are staying it." "Do you mean to pull rank with me?" "Yes. George, are you people drinking alcohol right now." "We discovered your daddy's secret liquor supply." And yes, now I remember, in a particular hall closet he never went into, where I hid away all his booze in a clandestine compartment when he said he was ready to quit drinking. I forgot completely about it. And only now is it occurring to me that jason, at forty-six, has a couple of young children for half-sisters. What would this say about their father.....

The Peacock 1502

"What can we do to help?" says Carl. "I don't know. Maybe accept that I'm not well. That I'm coping the best I can. My mom said something once, I think I was around twelve, and not at all coping well with bullying at school. I had recently been diagnosed as gifted and recommended for attending an alternative school. I was extremely good at art, theatre and singing. But one day Mom said there was something a bit more, but that she couldn't remember it. She said they had told her a long time ago that I would be extraordinary and problematic. I asked her for details, but she shied away and just said that was all they told her and even that was hard for her to remember." "They?" said Lazarus. "Who did she mean by they?" "I never told you, Sable?" "No. Never." And now lazarus is beginning to look a bit like a betrayed lover...

1501

"tell us you're not lying", says Lazarus. And now Jason is becoming visibly unsettled. "I have always told you the truth, Sable and you fucking well know it." "Okay, okay,. easy big guy." "What really pisses me off", hisses Jason like a cornered feral cat, "Is the way they constantly accuse me of craving attention, of wanting to be noticed and for this reason I stage all these fucking prepostrous fantasies, most of which I can't even remember. And certainly not some dumb German brother and sister classical composer act." "This must be very frustrating for you", says Francois, almost tenderly. "what I find really frustrating is that you seem to thnk I know these people I have never even heard of. How the fuck could that be. I am really perplexed. Totally confused. "You've never heard of the Mendelssohns", say I. "I don't even like most classical music. Except maybe Bach. But don't ask me to name any of the others. I prefer listening to blues and funk." "And I know this to be true", says Lazarus....

1500

Some of it I did make up. Like the bit about picnicking under a fig tree with Persephone when she was abducted by Hades. And I was never present to witness Our Lord's Crucifixion." "How about Fanny Mendelsohn and her son", says Carl. "Who? "You're not going to tell us that you weren't staging that as well." "i don't have a clue what you are talking about", he says, now indignant. "And who the fuck is, Francine, or what the fuck is her name?" "Fanny Mendolsohn, a nineteenth century composer and concert pianist in Germany, sister of Felix Mendelsohn." "He was a commposer?" "Yes", says Carl in his patronizing don't test my patience voice, "Felix Mendelsohn was one of the great Romantic composers. Last week, at the house, you were telling us that you were alive back then and a friend of the family." "Wait a minute", says Francois. "You didn't know that Fanny was Felix Mendelsohn's sister?" "Never heard of her..."

The Peacock 1499

"Who was that?" says Jason, his tone wary, apprehensive. "That was George. They are wondering why we haven't returned yet." "He was also accusing me of lying. He always does. They never seem to believe me" "because every month or so", says Lazarus patiently, "you seem to come out with a new and improved version of your life history. And frankly, we're all sick of it. Even I." "Even you, Sable", he says sighing. "I can say something in your defense, though, Jason. This time, you are telling the truth. I happen to have met his mother, a few times during her not infrequent visits to Vancouver. And we even flew out about eight years ago and stayed with her in her little apartment in Downsview, Toronto." "And all the rest is bullshit?" says Carl. And I am wondering why we are pouring so much attention onto someone who simply thrives on it. "Everything I said about the island and the young Jesus actually happened as I experienced it." "The other stuff?" says Carl, who appears to be playng crown prosecutor, something he can do rather too well.

The Peacock 1498

My phone is ringing. It's George. "Where the hell are you?" "We're all in the coffee shop." "Chelsea and her stepmom have been here for the past hour. Shes already cut mine and Jeff's hair. You are expected." "We're in the middle of something right now." "Let me guess", says George, "Adam is finally telling the truth about his life?" "Excellent deduction, sir." "Ever since Jeffery and I moved into the community he has been doing this. Every month, new version. Call him on it." "He seems to be coming from a place of honesty." "a always. He's an actor. A brilliant actor. He doesn't know whether he's acting or living. He doesn't have a clue." "Well, we should be wrapping up soon. please give Chelsea our apologies." "Call him on it. Then get your asses home..."

1497

"How well do you remember your childhood?" says Francois to Jason. "It's all pretty clear. My memory goes back to when I was three or four years old. I have a sister, five years older than me, and we were raised by professional parents in the North York district of Toronto. Dad was a high school teacher, Mom was an accountant and stay at home Mom. She worked from home years before it became fashionable, which made it easier for her to raise us. Nothing else remarkable. I did well in school, didn't have a lot of friends, but I was bullied a lot. i moved to Victoria BC where I took up acting with a venjeance, having studied theatre arts, excelling in Shakespearan drama....

The Peacock 1496

As though trying not to read my thoughts, Jason says, "And I am going to have a hard time explaining to the professionals how I have managed to stay so young-looking." And as though actually reading my thoughts, Lazarus replies, "Have you looked in a mirror lately?" "Every day." "You are starting to age, Jason. There is already some grey creeping into your beautiful hair, and there is something about the skin and set of your face that says you are no longer twenty." "You look pretty young to me", says Carl. I wouldn't even have guessed thirty." "Okay, Mr. kind Eyes", says Lazarus, "we'll say a slightly mature twenty-nine." "But you are right, Sable", he says. "I have aged a bit in the last couple of years But I am forty-six, and even if my stomach is a bit flabby now..." "Yes, you are going to have trouble explaining to them", sys Lazarus. "Just like Lindstrom", say I", who would have to be well over sixty, perhaps even much older, and hardly looks thirty." I am not about to ask if they might be of the same kind, but it is becoming difficult for me not to wonder...

The Peacock 1495

"You saw the Kid Jesus", says Jason. "A couple of times. Yesterday, and the day before in a dream, but apparently, according to witneses at home, he was there." "Sable", says Jason. "They haven't been all delusions." "Then how else are you going to explain these memories and encounters?" "To the doctors and mental health flunkies? There are two courses I could take. Either tell them everything, or tell them nothing. But, Sable, you have to believe that some of those encounters were real, or they felt real, and I have no other way of explaining any of them." Just now, for a second time, I am noticing little signs of age in Jason. He still doesn't look his purported age of forty-six, but no longer a twenty-something I just wonder what is happening, and if he is aware of it..

1494

"So, what am I supposed to do" "Monday, you are going to make an appointment with one of the physicians at the local clinic, and you are going to ask for a thorough mental health evaluation... "I already had one. Remember?" "Twenty years ago." "I'm schizotypal with delusions and grandiosity. I was given medications and the whole nine yards." "And you never even got your first refill. Jason, it's time to face the music. You have to get well. Or at least agree to treatment." "You're probably right, Sable. The delusions have been fun, but it's all taken a lot out of me. Except for one little detail." "which is? "My time on that island with the teenage boy. That was real." "And", say I, "With recent developments and plenty of corroborating evidence, I can concur."

The Peacock 1493

While Jason, formerly known as Adam sits there scowling in a silent sulk, Lazarus continues, "The fact of the matter is that there really is nothing that exotic, ethereal or mysterious about us. We have been living a lie and I for one am sick and tired of the smoke and mirrors. I want us to become a normal, ordinary and transprent couple. Jason has employed exquisite stagecraft in managing our relationship and the image we present to others and I am really tired of it.

The Peacock 1492

"Did you guys have a threesome?" says Carl chuckling wickedly. "So what if we did", snipes Lazarus. "It's none of your business." "As long as everyone used protection", says Carl. "This conversation is over", announces Jason. "Did you get busted?" he says. "Yes", says Lazarus." "The converstion is over", says Jason, now almost yelling. "The leader of the commumnity walked in and caught the three of you en flagrante." "That is exactly what happened", says Lazarus "He just walked into the room and we here we are all naked on top of the bed doing each other..." "Sable" shouts Jason. "Must you. The conversation is over." "Well, they'd might as well know", he says. "I'm pretty sick of hiding secrets, myself, if anyone must know", he says in beautifully crafted fake English Gentleman.

The Peacock 1491

"You'd might as well call us an old married couple, because that is exactly what we are." "Except", says Lazarus, "We are not married." "Not legally, anyway." says Jason. "Would you call yourselves asexual", says Francois. "I don't know what to call us", says Lazaruas. "We just are." "Has either of you had any other partners", says Carl. perpetual nosy parker. "That's none of your business", blurts Lazarus. "Oh. Sorry." "And even if we had", says Jason, "Where would we have found someone to pick up, after twenty years in confined Christian community." "There was that guy visiting the Place of the Transfiguration, just months before the move." "Oh don't you start with that", barks Jason.

The Peacock 1490

"It does seem unique", sasys Lazarus, and Jason nods in agreement, and here I am struck by what a completely equal footing these two appear to have with each other. Of how completely in agreement they are with each other. "We both concluded", says Jason, that we never really needed to go through a sexual phase, but it was just as well that we did anyway, and having put it behind us...." "But have you really?" says Carl. "You mean to say that you two no longer desire each other?" "It isn't quite that simple", says Jason...

The Peacock 1489

"And Glen and Sheila, they still don't support you?" say I. "It's something we've never discussed openly", says Lazarua, " From time to time Michael would embarrass his mother openly about her homophobia, as only a son can do.." "Especially a son like Michael" "and Glen has always been tightlipped, and Michael has also called him out on his hypocrisy, since Glen happens to be every bit as queer as we are." "He is an odd one", says Carl. "He appears to be very close to God", says Francois. "You mean to say he has never commented about you two, never at all." "He was very direct with us", says Lazarus, "After Chris had busted us for sleeping together. "He took us both aside and we went for a walk on a trail that goes along the cliffs above the ocean. He said that whether or not we were having sex together was not the issue, but that we were really aware of the true nature of the union that God had called us into." "And did you dignify that with an answer", says Carl. "we didn't know what to say, so it went unanswered", says Jason. "So then", says Francois, looking at them both directly and intently, "Have you since figured out the true nature of the union that God has called you into."

The Peacock 1488

"what are your plans from here", says Francois. "We are staying together", says Lazarus, "we have become indivisible." "This is true", says Jason. "Sable and I have become so accustomed to each other, and so profoundly connected, that neithr one of us wants to, nor is able, to imagine a life away from each other. We are a unit. Call us codependent if you will, but we are indivisible." "Do you plan to get married at some point", says Carl. "Well, we are no longer conjugal", says Lazarus, "And even though we are comfortable sleeping in the same bed together, we also prefer our own rooms. But certainly in the same house." "Even though I am no longer a priest", says Francois, "If you want, I could bless your union, perhaps in collaboration from George and Jeffrey." "What do you think, Sable", sayd Jason to his partner. "I don't see why not, but..." But we want time to prepare for it, maybe a few weeks." "Exactly", says Lazarus. Exactly."

The Peacock 1487

"The last year we were on the island we started sleeping together", says Jason. "It all seemed wonderful and innocent, but then when we approached Chris, our superior, about blessing our union and marrying us, he forebade it, and threatened us with expulsion from the community if we didn't stop sleeping together. He then put us in bedrooms on opposite ends of the compound and set up a crew of vigilantes to supervise us. But Michael and Matthew would have none of it, and started speaking in our defence. Shelia and Glen were both mysteriously silent, and we, Lazarus and I, really didn't know what to do. We did continue seeing each other, if platonically, and then the property we were living on was sold to developers and we were given three months to leave. Chris blamed everything on us for our immoral behaviour, but the rest of us believed that the real culprit was him, for treating us so badly.

The Peacock 1486

"She'd might as well have a monk for a father." "I'm sure you could do worse." "but I can't even explain Jason here, not to her, or to her mother. It is assumed that we are partners." "Well", says Jason tentatively, "Aren't we?" "I suppose we are." "What do you mean suppose." "that even if we no longer have sex with each other, we are still united. That is clear enough, isn't it." "We all thought you two were platonic", says Carl." "Well", says Lazarus, "We have been. For the ten years we have been living in your mansion...

The Peacock 1485

Jason is stroking gently his companions back as he tries to compose himself. His voice still breaking a little, Lazatus says, "I mean, what do I have for a resume, for a life lived until now at age forty-one. No training, no skills, my last job was working for that neurotic bitch at the Green Room and then I got swept up with this community through Michael whom I made the mistake of falling in love with." "You never told me..." says Adam, a wondering look on his face. "It's true. We didn't become lovers since sex didn't seem to be part of it, but it was God who brought us both to you guys, and then he brought you and I together. But my life for the past twenty years has been livng in community, working in community, coping with community, and very little contact with the outside world. I have a young adult daughter who is graduating from university with honours, and all her dad has to show her for himself is..." "A life well lived in devotion and divine service", says Francois matter-of-factly...

The Peacock 1484

"How much would you be willing to contribute", says Jason. "The whole kit and kaboodle." "But that would still keep us tied to you", says Lazarus. "What are your options", says Carl. "Vancouver has become one of the most expensive cities in the world for housing. If you guys just went out in the cold on your own you would end up sleeping under bridges. I will not have that." "This feels like blackkmail", says Adam. "That is one ugly word." Carl takes a thoughtful long sip of his americano." "Here's an idea. You have a choice of places to live in, Chris's family home, the apartment downtown, or the big house i just bought for us in New West. In whichever case, you guys are going to have secure housing, without any obligations, financial or otherwise, and you can use your time, going to school, training, studying, reading, looking for employment, getting a day job if you will, or simply doing nothing and just hanging out with us. Your possibilities would be without limit. But you will be safe. What do you think." "Well, it is better than the alternative", says Lazarus. "And really, we have both come to really love you guys..." "And that is why you want to leave?" says Francisco. "In one word, yes", says Lazarus. And now he is crying.

The Peacock 1483

"How about you, Jason", says Francois, and it seems that he is taking quite an interest in both our friends right now. "About the same as Sable. I was already doing a lot of stage acting, though I was also waitering in a tea room in Victoria. It was very twee. Kitty corner from the Empress hotel." "The thing is", says Lazarus to Carl, "Jason and I have both been thinking and talking about this, and, we greatly greatly apprecite how generous you are and have been towards us, but..." "..But you want your independence", says Carl, who appears to be struggling not to let his lower lip tremble. "But we still want to be associated with you guys", says Jason. "You have become for both of us our real family." "We also want to give back", says Lazarus. "This is going to be more than a little complicated...for both of you", says Francois. "You are both in your forties and haven't worked at a job in twenty years, and you Jason, look extremely young for your age, so you might have a bit of a struggle convincing an employer of how old you really are, but that could even work to your advantange." "How about college or vocational training", says Carl. "We couldn't afford it," says Lazarus. "But I can..."

The Peacock 1482

"I'd really like to start working again", says Jason. "How long have you been out of the work force?" say I. "Too long." "Me too", says Lazarus. "Have both of you worked since coming to live in community?" says Francois. "My last job was waitering in a café at Library Square downtown", says Lazarus. "Blenz", say I. "The Green Room." "That place has been closed for years." "Just as well", he says. The owner was one nasty bitch." "When was the last year that you worked", says Carl. "2001." "twenty years ago", says Francois....

The Peacock 1481

I don't really feel like talking further abot Erik. He is entitled to his privacy, and the others will have plenty of opportunity to get to know him in person. "So this neighbour of yours is coming over to give haircuts", says Jason. "That's the idea, anyway", say I. "How much does she charge?" I exchange a glance with Carl. "I suppose she does expect to be paid." "Don't worry about it", says Carl. "Daddy Carl to the rescue", says Francois, before taking a prolonged sip of his latte. "And don't you forget it it young man", says Carl, chuckling...

The Peacock 1480

Carl and Francois and I have opted to go walking with Jason and Lazarus. Naomi and Cynthia have already left with Amanda. Jesús, Jeffery and George have volunteered to stay behind to do cleanup, and I trust that Sarah and Carol will be both pitching in. Not sure about Carol, who definitely seems to prefer being served over serving others. We shouldn't be gone long, not because I don't trust them without my presence in my father's house, but so that no one feels abandoned. We have walked towards the village and now Lazarus wants to stop in the café for a few minutes. We haven't really been talking a lot, but perhaps while sitting together, everyone will put their phones away long enough for a decent chat. As if... There are two baristas on board right now, a girl who could be Chinese, Korean or Japanese, and a young Latino man with a thick Spanish accent. "how long can we stay", says Jason, just after his first sip of his americano." "Forever, as far as I'm concerned", say I. "Totally agreed", concurs Carl. "Francois?" "Ditto." "I have just bought a vintage Victorian era mansion in New Westminster, if that would be preferable." Jason and Lazarus look at each other, then Lazarus says, "My daughter lives just on the boundary between New West in Burnaby. That would be perfect for us." "I expect that Carl and Francois will be staying here at my father's house with me. Along with my brother in law Erik." "You have a brother-in-law?" says Jason. "He's in quarantne right now in a Richmond hotel, but will be moving here as soon as he's out..."

The Peacock 1479

Everyone seems a bit dozy now. The superabundance of food and the profound and weird places our conversations have taken us in have rendered everyone in a collective coma. Carol is chattering listlessly with Sarah, but everyone else seems distracted either by their smartphones or a sudden need to doze quietly in place. Carl, who was exchanging a word or too with George, looks up at me. "I don't think we'll be eating dinner tonight." "There seems to be a lot of food left", say I. Melissa looks up from her phone. You're all welcome to finish the leftovers", she says, getting up. "You're not leaving already are you", says Carl. "It's a two hour drive", she says flatly. "if I go now I should get back by seven thirty. Sheila was wanting help in the kitchen. Says no one else seems available, except Jenn, but she already takes on way too much. As usual, the women end up doing everything, and if the men could get away with it, we'd be wiping their asses for them." She leaves without saying goodbye. Francois, now awake from his mini nap, is looking at his phone. "Text from Chelsea", he says. "Wants to know if she can come in an hour." "That should be okay", say I. "What about us?" says Lazarus, puttiing his phone on his knee. "You're both staying here tonight, and longer if you want. There are beds made up in the basement, and it's pretty decently appointed so you should be comfortable here." "I would love to go for a walk", says Jason. "Anyone else.."

The Peacock 1478

They've been pretty strict here but at least we are allowed to go outside. Our public health officer for the province is super popular and she has been able to balance common sense with compassion, fairness and caution." "Fouteen days trapped inside a fucking hotel room is not my idea of compassion." "This is your fourth day? "Fifth." "Hang in there, you'll be out in a week and a half." "Chris, is there any way you could get me out of here" "No. Sorry." "Maybe your friend Carl could use his wealth and influence..." "Don't even think it. We hae enough going on right now without running afoul of the law." "But I don't even have it. I tested negative." "Don't matter. Our hospitals and long term care and icu units are already past breaking point. No one is taking any chances." "Meanie." "Well, sorry." "No worries. Well, Jesus is here with me, even if you can see him and I can't, but I feel him with me. Thank you so much Chris." There is a knock on the door. "Yes." "Did you fall asleep?" says Carl. "We need you right now." "Your wish is my command." I have just stopped at saying "yes master." "You are being summoned", says Erik. "Fraid so. Hey, Erik, would you like me to read to you a bit later?" "Sure , what time?" "Around seven? "I should be finished dinner by then." "How's the food?". "Not too bad... for Canadian..."

The Peacock 1477

"He had a total psychotice break, then collapsed completely. He was in a near catatonic state for several weeks." "I am not surprised to hear that", muses Erik. "You mentioned that lLindstrom is some kind of supernatual being." "Nephalim. A human and angel hybrid." "How old would he be?" "Apparently he hasn't aged noticeably in decades. How long have you and Greta known him?" "At least twenty years. You know, he has also been hospitalized in Sweden, twice that I know of in Stockholm, once in Malmo. Chris, do you think that Lindstrom is just simply crazy? I mean, bat shit." "I would imageine he is that too. But there is also all that weird supernatural shit. I told you about my dream a couple of nights ago, when he tried to break into my house." "That is truly strange." "Any word about him now that he's back in Sweden." "He is all over the news. He is being hailed as an anti covid hero, flouting the pandemic rules in order to make his trip to Canada. And he is in forensic custody, because there are also a lot of Swedes with common sense who don't buy that bullshit. Especially after the covid infection rate skyrocketed last year because they wouldn't impose a lockdown....

The Peacock 1476

I don't want to be any more essential here than necessary." "But haven't you been designated leader of this commnity?" "My point exactly." "so, Carl knows Lindstrom as well. What a small universe we are all living in." "I have also met him." "No way." "I would have been nineteen at the time. That was when he was stalking and harrassibg Kenny." "Who would that be?" "I told you about him. He was that friend who was livng here with dad and I, years ago." "Drag queen hooker?" Involuntarily i am wincing at that kind of designation for my closest friend ever in my life. "Among other things." "What was Lindstrom's interest in hin?" "Same with you, same with Carl. He was obsessed with Kenny, and wanted to bring him totally under his control. "You never told me about any of this." "After Kenny died I found his diary, and he wrote extensively about Lindstrom." "How did you meet hin?" "When he was a patient in the psychiuatric wing of the local hospital." "What!"

The Peacock 1475

"What is Carl's role in all this?" "He wants as little do do with this as possible. Lindstrom did follow them to the mansion, and has been around off and on to complicate their lives for them. But right now they have other things to worry about, especially with seeing to the dissolving of a native curse that was put on the place after they effectively stole the land from the local First Nation." "One dirty after another." "Right now, as well as Cynthia the cousin, their half sister, Naomi is here. She is part native, her mother being from the same first nation that invoked the curse and her grandfather is an elder with the nation and apparently has offered his assistance. But the price of his help could mean the demoliton of said mansion as well as the return of the land to the First Nation." "Is that why Carl just bought that house in New Westminster?" "It all appears to be providential." "This is all very interesting. Hey, Christopher, I guess I should be letting you get back to your company." "I'm really in no hurry to continue playing host. Do you want to hang out for a bit longer?" "I don't mind at all...

The Peacock 1474

To really confuse things further, Carl and Melissa's father, who was born in Holland after the War, became involved in dark satanic arts and practices, so that their mother had to divorce him in order to rescue her kids, but he maintained a tight hold on them through his wealth and fortune and effectively blackmailed her and the kids so that they had to come visit him at the mansion in BC every summer. Carl rebelled by going into drugs and street, or, this being Amsterdam, canal prostituion where he was actually rescued by a transwoman British hooker, who ironically is of the same class or race of beings as our own Lindstrom, but fear not, despite her oldest profession, she is on the side of good and actually rescued Carl from Sven Lindstrom in Amsterdam. I believe you met her in Sweden where she was involved in a battle royal with Lindstrom and your sister. Anyway, guess who's coming to dinner?" "What do you mean?" "Stella happens right now to be in Vancouver. I saw her ever so briefly in the coffee shop today with Cynthia and another individual and seems to be networking with them here." "Oh my God", says Erik. "I don't think there is anything to worry about. I mean, yes she seems scary and powerful, but I think she will be fighting on our side..."

The Peacock 1473

"I'm all ears." And it is clear he is feeling much better, smiling, jovial, and even his skin looks healthy, given that he has spent most of a week indoors. I do not see the teenage Jesus there, but that doesn't matter. He is present, regardless of what we can or cannot see or hear. "This is what I know right now. The mansion where Carl lives with his sister Melissa and an intentional Christian community of outcasts was built just before the First World War by their great grandfather. He made his fortune on silver mines in Indonesia, then under Dutch control, where they exploited and virtually enslaved and abused the local people. Apparently their great grandfather raped and impregnated a local girl. His brother was working there with him, but was himself a devout Christian with morals and ethics. He married the girl that his brother had raped and impregnated and then he took her with him back to the Netherlands where they gave birth to their child whom they raised as their own. Following World War Two, their daughrter, now a wife and mother, immigrated here to Vancouver, Richmond actually, where Cynthia, who I think is their third cousin, or something like that, was born and raised. Anyway, through her own research and inquiries, Cynthia learned that the mother of the girl who was raped, a local woman of magic and wisdom, invoked against their great grandfather and his descendants, a curse, and this has seeped its way into their lives in so many ways, and has really created havoc in their family, their lives, and in this mansion they inherited from their father...

The Peacock 1472

Well, as you know, I have all these people staying with me here in the house where I grew up, and..." I can feel myself shuddering, and just now, feeling weak and vulnerable. This is taking a toll on me. "It's taking a lot out of you, Chris". "It is...I have to fight and struggle to get quiet time. Partly it's because of Carl. He is so needy and codependent, and I had to almost run out of here this morning before he could organize our day together." "Where did you go." "I went for a drive and ended up at the apartment on hHamilton Street, ahd there I went to sleep for three hours." "This is taking a lot out of you." "Then I went for coffee nearby at the Bean Around the World on Hastings and Cambie, and there I ran into some other people I know." "Who?" He does not know anything about Chuck and I am not yet prepred to tell him. "Cynthia, this cousin of Carl's who was invited here for lunch today with other people. So I drove her back with me." "How does she fit in?" "She runs a support network for survival hookers (so much for the santiizing "sex worker")" "How does she fit in with everything." "That is a very long story which has its roots in indonesia more than a hundred years ago...

1471

Much better. Much much better. Thank you so much, Chris." "I didn't do anything, Erik. It was all done by Jesus. He is with you right now in your hotel room. do you see him?" "No, but I feel so much better now. " He is smiling. "What did you do?" "Jesus appeared to me here in this room while we were talking, and now he is with you. Or I should say he is with us both." "This is crazy. i mean, none of this makes sense, and yet I believe you. I feel there is someone in here with ne." "And someone is staying with you. He will always be staying with you, Erik. Those demonic shadows will not be returning. They are powerless to do you any harm. And they flee from the light of Christ, because they are terrified." "Thank you, brother. So now, tell me about your day today." And this reminds me of how important it is for Erik to hear about My daily, even my most mundane and routine activities, because this also helps normalize his experience of being isolated...