1829

"Jesus", says Kenny, beamng, "I am so blessed to have passed these last twenty-five years with you. Of how, living here with you has exposed all the lies that I once believed about you. And now my friends here can also be so blessed." "You are highly favoured, Kenny", says our Lord, and your presence here is a huge blessing. Would you be so kind as to see to the arrangements for dinner? I shall be present soon to assist you. "Can I help", says Sarah, rising up from her seat. "Kenny, my blessed mother and father and I have everything taken care of. I want all of you to stay here together and visit and talk together. I am sure you will have much to say to one another, and I also expect that some questions are going to arise, such as can be addressed during dinner...."

1827

"I have seen you before.  I think," says Sarah. "Many many times, you have seen me, my child."  and now it doesn't seem quite so absurd that someone who looks like a sixteen year old boy should address a woman nearly forty as his child. "I have always had trouble imagining me being close to a mature man with a beard.  Because I am a woman and because I am attracted to women.  But as I see you now, my Lord, that makes much more sense of what I felt and could see with the eyes of my heart whenever I felt your presence near me.  But now the person I see you to be is much more compatible with my sense of the Jesus I was...feeling?" "When I rose from the dead, it was only the marks, the wounds of my crucifixion that I still carried in my body.  I did not rise again to continue looking the way I did before I died, but to show forth my true form.  but since my true form was too glorious for the human flesh and eye to behold, I show to you myself in the very human form most like my resurrected self..  So, whom you see here before you, is not a teenage boy, but the essence of the beauty and purity that I was resurrected into... "Who are you really?" says Erik. "You still don't believe", says Jesus, rather than asking it. "I am an atheist.  You still haven't shown any evidence that you really are Jesus Christ." "It isn't evidence you need, dear Erik, not so much as a change of heart.  Dear Erik, you were born and raised in a country of atheists.  Sweden.  But I must also remind you of that time when you were just twelve in Humlegarden Park.  You were seated, very self-absorbed, on a bench waiting for your mother to join you.  But it wasn't your mother that joined you.  Remember?  Erik.  Look at me please when I am talking to you." And now Erik is totally in the grip of Stubborn Swede, a syndrome that I coined thanks to having Greta for a wife and him for a brother-in-law. "Erik.  Who sat next to you on that bench?" He still refuses to look up at Jesus, but remains all coiled up in his snail shell  of stubborn denial.  Jesus rises from his chair and approaches Erik, he is first standing over him, and then our Lord kneels down and looks up in my brother-in-law's face. "Erik.  Who sat down next to you." "I don't remember." "Erik, please stop trying to lie to me.  I see everything.  And I will tell you who sat down on that bench next to you when you were twelve years old, and I will tell you all of our conversation."  Jesus is now holding my brother in-law's hands, both of them in his.  "I sat down next to you on the bench, and I said, Hello Erik.  And you looked at me and said, How do you know my name?  Remember?" Erik doesn't reply, but finally is looking into the green eyes of the youthful risen Christ. "I said that both your mothers would be arriving late, by about twenty minutes.  Your mother's name was Karin.  She died, October 2001 from metastasized breast cancer.  Amanda, her widow lives alone now in the same apartment in Stockholm.  She is retired now and has become an energetic community activist for the rights of nonwhite immigrants.  She is responding well to my tutoring.  I asked you if you knew who I Am, and you said no.  So, I replied that when you were thirty-two we would meet again face to face, in  another country, and then you would know me." Erik now stares fixedly at the green eyes of the Risen Christ, and stammers,  "Now I know you.  Jesus.  now I know you." Jesus fixes his eyes on him, and Erik simply cannot look away. Then Jesus bends over and kisses the top of his head. Erik is suddenly weeping. "Lord it is you. You are not a fantasy. In Sweden we are all taught to be atheists, that you are just a fairy story. But Lord", he sputters between his tears and sobs. "Lord, it is you. It is you! I never knew. I was never taught." And Eric suddenly drops to the floor on his knees before Jesus, who lifts him up under the arms and places him back in his chair. "It is one of Satan's most pernicious tricks to spread lies about me, whether through the Enlightenment blindness or ecclesiastical blindness. The first negates me altogether through scientific materialism. The second negated me all the more insidiously, destroying and murdering those who truly love me in the name of the many lies they have come to believe and promulgate about me."

1826

His hands are no longer bleeding. in fact, there is not even a single drop of blood anywhere. Jesus is lifting with both hands Sarah to her feet. "Jesus. it's you ", she whispers. "Jesus, it's really you. So young, such a beautiful lovely boy you are, but it's you. It's you." Then looking at his hands, which she has just released, and the floor between them, she says, "What happened to all the blood?" "It is all flowing in all of your veins here, Sarah. Each and every one of you." "What happened?" "We are all here together. Sit down, please, my daughter." And given that Jesus looks no older than sixteen, it does seem hilarious that he is calling a woman more than twice his age, in fact, old enough to be his own mother, his daughter.

1825

"What happened to your hands", she says, shocked and saddened. "Who did that to you." "All of you here", the Lord answers tenderly, "And so many others." "You can't just let yourself bleed like this. You could get a bad infection. I know first aid, here ", she says reaching for his wrist, " if someone has a rag handy and a first aid kit I could staunch the bleeding." And the blood is dripping onto the floor in front of her. "Lan", says Jesus to the angel, "Be so kind please as to lift my shirt for me." Not removing her hand from Lindstrom, Lan reaches with her free hand and lifts up the left side of Jesus' white shirt, to reveal a fresh looking wound, made by a Roman spear. "Sarah, my daughter, my chosen servant, and my very stubborn girl", says Jesus, "be so kind please as to place your hand on the wound in my side." The next thing that happens, is Sarah, prostrated on the floor before the young Jesus, trembling, and repeating and stammering over and over again, "My lord and my God, my lord and my God..."

1824

Lindstrom appears completely catatonic. "He cannot answer right now", says Lan, gently caressing his shoulder. "Hi, I'm Sarah, and you would be..." "Lan is one of my servitors and she is guiding our friend through a very delicate moment right now", says Jesus. "Where are your parents", she says. "We are both right here", says Mary. "are you his grandparents?" Francois says, "It's alright Sarah. We are actually guests of our Lord and his Holy Family" "This is just all so bizarre." "Sarah", says Jesus playfully, "if you but knew how greatly you honour me by your presence here in our home. "He gets up, and approaches her with the nimble grace of a modern dancer, raising up both his hands, which are bleeding again...

1823

"And I'm the Queen of Romania. Where did you pick up this kid anyway." "We happen to be in this kid's home right now", says Carl. "Where are we and how did I get here." "Welcome to our home, Sarah", says the mother of our Lord. "Yes, welcome", echos Joseph. "Will you not take a seat and join us." She takes a vacant chair next to Lindstrom. Turning to him she says, "Hi, I'm Sarah."

1822

"Where the hell am I?" says a shocked and indignant voice that must belong to Sarah, and here she is, standing in our midst in the oval space at the centre of our arrangement of chairs. She is wearing a faded maroon sweatshirt and her signature black jeans. "Welcome aboard", says Carl laughing. Her face is her classic alchemy of shock and indignaton. "I was just opening the front door to Carol's townhouse and this is where I step into?" "Could do worse", says Jesus, smiling. "Welcome, Sarah." She turns her large brown and querulous eyes on our host and says, "How do you know my name? Who are you, anyway?" "I believe we met first in New Westminster when that unfortunate man meant to ram his truck into Christopher's car while you were in it." "I've never seen you anywhere." "Sarah", says Francois portentously, "I would like to introduce you to our Lord, Jesus Christ."

1821

I have created so much harm and damage", says Lindstrom, barely controlling his emotions. "How can I possibly atone for any of this." "I am your atonement", says Jesus. "Your stepfather Caspar, however unwittingly, helped bring forth my work of atonement. I suffered and died for you Sven Lindstrom, and for each one in this room as for each person who has ever lived, lives and ever shall live. But Sven, right now, we are going to focus on my atonement for you." "Sven", says Stella. "Please listen carefully. This is what our lord said to me years ago when we met in the Sagrada Familia in Barcelona."

1820

"Lan", says Francois, looking up at her from his chair. "Are you indeed an angel?" "I am a servant of the Most High", comes her dulcet reply, not removing her hand from Lindstrom's shoulder. There is light radiating from her. "Sven", says Kenny. "We have to talk." "It will have to wait till tomorrow", says Jesus, and the light radiating from the Son of God right now is clearly being absorbed and reflected by Lan, as the moon reflects back the light of the sun. "Jesus", says Ken, "I would like to spend some time alone with Christopher. We have much catching up to do." "After dinner", replies our Lord. "I accept my punishment as just", whimpers Lindstrom "Lan is my most faithful servitor here. She is no punishment nor threat of punishment. You will be glad to have her with you. And later, in your roon, I will join you and sit in vigil with you as you sleep, as we did before", says Jesus.

1819

"You pushed him off the bridge", I say to Sven, impaling him with my glare. "And I forgive you, Sven", says Kenny, suddenly approaching Lindstrom. "I am not worthy", he whispers remorsefully, "I cannot even forgive myself." "It will take time", says Jesus. "You will both be here together for some years, and I will also be present. It is all going to work out." Kenny is trying to embrace Sven Lindstrom, who resists by pushing him forcefully away, so that he is staggering as he backs away, trying not to fall on the floor. "Sven", says Jesus sternly, "If that happens again you will be put in isolation. Lan." The angelic being in purple and white quietly slides into the room and places herself at Lindstrom's side, placing her right hand on his left shoulder.. "Stay with him please until he is up in his room tonight. Then I shall come and take over."

1817

I am completely gosmacked and paralysed in my chair. And also deeply deeply offended that here we thought all these long years, twenty-six years that Kenny was dead and now here he is, alive, older, but unmistakeably Kenny. "Well", he says snarkily, "Are you just going to sit there like a cabbage patch doll, or are you going to get up and give me a hug?" "Better that you come over here and hug him", says Jesus laughing. "Isn't that right, Chrisopher?" And so Kenny swishes over to where I am seated next to Jesus, and swoops down to engulf me in one of his famous megahugs.

1818

"You're supposed to be dead", say I, submitting once again to one of his prolonged and suffocating embraces, rather like being loved by an affectionate python. "So what do you plan on doing about that", says he, gently releasing me. "I dunno. Kill you again." "Oh Chris, you are too funny." He is still leaning over me, just from behind. "Jesus did say that it would take you some getting used to." "Have you been here all this time?" "All this time, hon', all this time." "What really happened?" "Our friend here, Sven Lindstrom will explain it all for you."

1816

My first question. Who is that standing at the doorway, now saucily leaning on one of the sides with his arms folded, in vintage Kenny fashion. his hair is shorter, mostly grey, thin on top. he has gained a bit of weight, not much, but displays just a little bit of a paunch. But the voice. The voice is unmistakeably Kenny's. "So, Christopher. Aren't you glad to see me", he says laughing. "Harriet and I were just having a chat about you this morning. "And now I know it could only be Kenny, for only he would talk about his feminine alter self in the third person like that, and only he would know that her name is Harriet.

1815

"Kenny is alive", says Jesus. "what do you mean Kenny is alive. For months after he died he was appearing to me in dreams and visions and I was helping him get out of a horrible place. He even showed me where he had stored his journal." "Kenny was in a coma when he was brought here", says Mary. "For a few months", adds Joseph. "He washed up on the island here", says Jesus. "Almost dead and was brought here and has been with us ever since." "You mean to say he is here. In this house?" "I am indeed, Christopher", says an old and familiar voice and now I see him standing at the doorway, smiling at me!

1814

"Kenny", says Lawrence. "What about Kenny", say I, suddenly a bit irritated, and small wonder, because I have yet to forgive Sven for all the trouble he has caused us. "Kenny did not die when he fell from the Lion's Gate Bridge." "I pushed him", says Sven. And now I am too overwhelmed by horror and sadness to even react. And hate, because right now, I truly and absolutely hate this Lindstrom, this murderer. "You fucking murderer", I hear myself snarling, and am just springing up from my chair to pounce on Lindstrom when I feel two very strong hands restraining and placing me back on my seat. Jesus, for a teenage boy, is incredibly strong it seems and then I am reminded that he is not just any teenager...

1813

"There could be no other place for us", says Stella, "Not after all that has happened. Oh, Jesus, is this really true then, we really can stay here with you. Always?" "I never make promises that I do not intend to keep, Isabella. Here, you can all grow into your redemption and healing and live eternally safe from the realm of the shadows. Isabella, even when you were prostituting yourself in Europe, your heart still remained faithful to me, and I knew that in time you would turn completely to me. And Sven, you are particularly fragile, but here you will find strength and healing. As shall you, Caspar. You three are particularly beloved to me and my holy parents." "Why would that be?" says Caspar. "Particularly you, Caspar, and because I have rescued all three of you from the jaws of the evil one. You three are to me a great and wondrous prize, and you will all be cherished by me..."

1756

1812

"I remember you now! i remember you now!" Lindstrom is almost shouting, a rapt smile on his face while he is pointing at Jesus. "You were with me throughout. Every minute of every day. You would not leave me alone. You knew. You knew..." "I knew how fragile and in need of constant presence you were, Sven. Just as you are now, much and greatly in need of me. Well, here I am." "You are giving me another chance?" "From now on, you three are going to be living here with us. Permanently. You, Isabella and Caspar. Do I have your consent, all three of you?"

1811

Sven Lindstrom is looking up at everyone, eyes almost like two shining sapphires. "I was here once, wasn't I?" "Well, I did just remind you", says Mary. "Humlegarden!" he exclaims. "That's where you both found me. You and the old man." "We do both happen to have names, you know, young man", chides Mary affectionately. "I happen to be the Mother of Our Lord here, and Joseph also happens to be my most noble spouse." "And you had a passport and clothing for me to bring along, or, wait, I think I had time to pack everything I needed at home, but you did provide me with a passport, and after that we were at the airport. It is slowly coming back to me." "You swallowed the water", said Jesus "Which is what made you forget and for a while botched completely your usefulness in my service..."

1810

"Could somebody explain all this to me, please", Says a clearly perplexed Francois. "After dinner, if you wish", says Jesus, "I will give you a tour of the grounds and show you where the fountain used to be. Suffice it to say, the Millionth Council, the angelic heirachy that governs your planet, had this place built at the turn of the century. They designated it a place of rest, refuge, safety, and education and learning, but some of their mortal coplanners had some rather barmy ideas about spirituality, and with the Councils's blessing, they installed this fountain with a basin that would spout a particularly potent form of water that would induce amnesia on whomsoever drank of it. That was useful up to a point, but then, increasingly, were being brought to us those who had no need of forgetting and much need of repentance, cleansing of soul, and renewal of life and spirit in my service, and it is impossible to encounter real repentance and real healing in such a state of induced forgetfulness...

1809

"It wasn't my intention to swallow the water when you baptised me, Jesus", says Sven. "My darling twin sibling", mutters Stella, "The legendary bumbler. It actually still amazes me, Sven, that our father would even think of using you in his service." "Says the immutable authority of the oldest profession", snaps her brother. "I am retired", she gloats. "That was when I had the pool drained and the bat sculpture destroyed", says Jesus.

1808

"And you, Sven, were also enslaved by Kenny." "Sven pauses. His eyes closed. "I was obsessed with Kenny." "You were in love with Kenny." Sven doesn't answer. He remains silent, head bowed and eys closed, his two large hands closed into huge scary fists on his lap. "Your father was furious. Desiring, lusting, hungering to devour others as though they are food, that was perfectly acceptable. But to love. That is a language the dark side simply cannot comprehend", says Jesus wistfully. "They have no vocabulary for love, no concept of love. Love is their enemy, and to your evil father you had already slipped off to the other side." "And that", says our Lord's mother, is when we came to get you, and to bring you here, Sven...."

1807

"Greta was one of my best students. She was my best student" says Sven, perplexed. "How could she do such a thing". And now his head is bowed in grief. "I wish I could say my sister wasn't capable of anything so monstrous", says Erik. "But even though she is my sister, apart from all the noise she makes about climate change and global warming and environmental destruction, she is harder than stone. I agree. She has no conscience." "What I can't understand", say I, "is why she wanted me. She knew I was a fag from the getgo." "Greta was under orders, through me, to get to Kenny whom he badly wanted to enlist in his service." "The correct word here", says Jesus, "is enslave."

1806

"It was never revealed who was driving that car that killed Elvira and Alicia", says Sven tersely. "Greta played a role in this ", says Jesus. "My sister", says Erik. "My wife" say I. "The dark lord's servant", says Jesus. "She was driving the car", says Jesus. "She had only just gone over to the side of the darkness, and had fallen under their thrall. She had and has no conscience." "But we never became lovers", says Sven. "It was forbidden by my father..." "Whom through Greta had revitalized his claim and pulled you back into his service..."

1805

Fortunately for everyone, Sven, you were raised by Caspar. The love and care that he showed you completely confused the wiring in your brain and soul that had been placed there by your father the dark lord, because it was impossible for you to follow through competently on his orders to commit evil. Even when you were stationed in England in order to sabotage the efforts of the enigma machine, instead of following through on your orders you fell in love and got into a steamy and prolonged love affair with none other than Alan Turing, the famous and homosexusl decoder of the Enigma, and he was not about to tell you one blessed thing. The Allies won the war and your father called you in for your punishment, which resulted in you being expelled from his presence in exile. You resettled in Sweden and soon launched your career as a university professor of anthropology. Much later, still impossibly youthful, you married, and became a father....

1804

"But then came that horrible dreadful war. That most destructive and hideous outbreak of global hostiliies ever seen on the earth, when the cancer of human wickedness reached its apogee, and the evil one found out where you were and sent his emissaries to fetch you back to Europe. Even in neutral Sweden they had work for you to do to sabotage the allies and facilitate what appeared to be for a while a likely victory for Hitler and his forces of evil. I would also like to emphasize here my complete and utter disapproval of war and warfare, even so called legitimate defensive warfare, for those that take up the sword, by the sword shall perish. It was only for my love for the innocents being slaughtered that I allowed victory for the Allies, but truth be told, even had the Germans won, their victory would have been pyrrhic and shortlived, and other forces would have come into play to completely overthrow them and the evil they were perpetrating....

1803

"Sven", says Jesus, directing on him his tender and fiery gaze, "Even though you above everyone here has rebelled against me and have done the utmost to make my work difficult for me, I knew you and began calling you into my service from the very day when Caspar led your mother to her seduction and to conceive both you and your twin in her womb. Even when you left Sweden in 1930 to live under a different name in San Francisco where you began your university studies. Very effetively you lived under your father's radar, since I was veiling you from his eye, and you were so craving freedom and deliverance from his presence, control and evil tutelage. And I took care during that time, to keep you apart, and to prevent him from controlling or influencing you...

1802

"That fountain was never my idea, nor this mansion. But my mother had been networking extensively with the Millionth Council, who are under her authority, and they had agreed without consulting me first that this place would be of great service to our work. And they were partly right. In recent years, when this place was bequeathed to me, I agreed to let them retain their oversight, because even though they are under my divine authority, I will have no slaves, and the Millionth Council, which is a vast angelic hierarchy within a far vaster hierarchy of my servants, is very capable of making their own decisions. With my guidance of course, but I simply could not be persuaded that a fountain of forgetfulness inducing amnesia to all that drunk from it, and with that nasty little demon representative of the very powers I have crushed under my heel, it simply had to go....

1801

"And I should also add, my lord", says Stella, that being under Caspar's tutelage helped my twin and I to both grow towards you. Isn't that right, Sven, and you could particularly speak with some authority here because you were directly brought up by Caspar. "Sven?" Stella's sibling has remained notably silent, and now appears almost comatose, except that his eyes are open. Wide open. "Sven, ny child", says Jesus. "It is time to awake." He is blinking, as though having just been roused from a deep slumber. "My beloved child", says Jesus tenderly. "Is there anything you wish to say." "I was dreaming", he mumbles in a monotone. "Of when you immersed me in the fountain. And I swallowed the water." "I have had the fountain drained, and that hideous bat spout destroyed", says Jesus....

1800

"I it was that assigned you to the care and nurturing of Sven, and to your contact with Stella, because already a strange tenderness was beginning to grow in your heart, and that tendernous made you into a caring and compassionate stepfather, qualities that are an absolute offense to the dark one, and then, after your time of step-parenting was finished, I put you under another sleep, knowing that once you were awoken and summoned by your master that that would be the time to snatch his prey from him. And now, dear Caspar, I have already enlisted you into my service..."

1799

That was purely my doing", says Jesus. "Until then, until when you first met me, you were completely under the thrall of the dark lord, and then I intervened, knowing that in time you would be coming over to me. Even as a newborn baby, I saw you and looked on you with eyes of love, and even then, the first spark of response I could read in your eyes. I myself could not recall this until after I had risen from the dead and ascended to be with My Father, since living the mortal life, I had to accept the complete dulling of my senses and facutlies. But this time you were held in a secure and safe place for almost two thousand years. Then, it was I who awakened you, knowing full well that the dark lord in all his arrogant stupidity would never have guessed that I had just tricked him and already robbed you, his prey, from his very jaws...

1798

"And then shortly after", says Jesus. "Everythihg else happened. " "everything else." "And then I fell asleep. This time, and as far as I can remember, and I am not lying, until the early twentieth century when I woke on that beach in Sweden and already had those distinct instructions concerning the mother of Isabella and Sven. Jesus, my Lord, tell me, please..." "Explain to you why you fell asleep for so long..." "If it please my Lord, yes."

1797

The racketeer of humans became quite taken by me and decided to keep me for himself. He did not want me for sex but for various duties in his villa, so I cleaned, cooked, cared for animals and stayed there for a good twenty-five years. Of course, I remained young looking till the very end, and to their great consternation. He was warned by a wise woman that I was accursed and that my presence would bring upon his household death and misfortune. He did not want to kill me because he was fond of me and in his way had come to love me, so he put me up for sale again, and this time I fell into the hands, and bed, of Levi the Pharisee...

1796

"You were such a beautiful baby. I was drawn by your beauty. You were so delicate, yet so robust, so perfect and radiant and calm and serene. I could have eaten you up on the spot." "Because you did not yet love. You felt greed and hunger, just like your father, the prince of darkness who conflates love with lust, longing, greed and devouring." "I wandered away from the other shepherds, and soon abandoned my sheep. I was lost, and began to wander. And beg, and wander all through the heights of Judea and beyond into Syria. In Damascus I was taken as a slave by a lascivious pearl merchant and became his bedside boy. But he became deathly ill and soon died. His companions began to blame me for his death, they thought I was accursed and had brought evil upon his house, and they all fell upon me. They were going to kill me, but one of them got the brilliant idea to sell me as a slave to a racketeer in humans...

1795

David gave me more headaches than all the thorns that could be counted on the crown they shoved down on my head. He was still just recovering from the Bathsheeba affair and in the throws of repentant anguish for choreographing the murder of her husband so that he could have her. Of course this also put him off women for a while, and he was all the more vulnerble to your youthful boy charms, Caspar. But I also want to point out that you are still not being entirely truthful. You were in Palestine and wide awake long before you were fellating Levi, who unfortunately is eternally lost to me now and languishing unrepentant to this very moment in the Lake of Fire. And you remember every single detail. Are you going to tell us, or shall I. "I was one of the shepherds that first saw the angels that came to visit you in the stable." "and that, Caspar, was the very moment that your process of redemption began..."

1794

"Jesus", says Caspar, "I have not been entirely accurate or truthful." "How can you be truthful about anything, my dear, when your progenitor happens to be the father of all lies? But now your redemption has already begun." "I was an adolescent when the king David brought me to his bed with him, and many times I lay there with him. But there were whisperings in the palace, and he banished me with a tutor to the Negev Desert, where I fell asleep in an oasis. Then, when I woke some years after, a caravan abducted me and carried me to India, where I also tempted the Buddha and his servant, though neither lay with me, then I slept again until I woke in the bed of the pharisee..."

1793

"Because you were made perfect through suffering", muses Carl. "Exactly", replies our youthful lord. "But here we have strayed far and away from you, my good Caspar. And I have some things to tell you, my love." "Yes, my Lord", he replies, daring not to turn his head to face him. "When your dark master conceived you and brought you forth some three thousand years ago, it was with the idea of making of you the very pawn to disrupt and eternally corrupt and ruin my plans for the salvation of humankind. You were not born in India as you claim, but five hundred years earlier, in ancient Israel. You were born the bastard offspring of a servant girl in the palace of none other than my very progenitor king David. As you hear my account of your earliest years your memory shall again become fecund and you will recall this. My progenitor, as some might recall from reading the accounts in Samuel and Chronicles, was what is now called bisexual, and in love with the prince of israel, Jonathon. The carnal aspect of their love was never consummated, but My forebear, even after being made king and having at his disposal wives and concubines, he pined unceasingly for his fallen love, Jonathon. He was fifty when he first became aware of you Caspar, and now you are beginning to remember..."

1794

"I never would have imagined", says the elderly Joseph. "You were always lacking in imagination, my dear husband", she retorts. "You were a carpenter. And a good provider. I need not have asked or expected more. But remember this, my dear. I did not choose you. You chose me, or rather our parents made a deal over us but please don't for one minute imagine that you were ever able to bring me to the heights of pleasure. You did give me five more children, after Jesus, but like all men, you have no idea what six successive pregnancies must have done to my body. Or my soul. My one single consolation is Jesus. A most wonderful, if often unpredictsble and frustrating child, but raising God in the family was not exactly going to be a cakewalk. And we were always making mistakes. "But weren't you submissive to your parents", asks Erik. "I was obedient. But submission and obedience are not always the same thing. And my endless curiosity and sense of wonder and adventure could sometimes create such problems as to push both my parents over the edge. They really didn't have a clue what they were doing with me, but they did better than a lot of others would have done, which is why I picked them." "But weren't you supposed to be perfect and sinless" say I. I was without sin. Not perfect. Two different things, and had I been perfect I would never have been human. My divinity was made perfect through my imperfection..."

1791

I am Catholic", says Jesús suddenly. I find all this so hard to understand. To accept. That is not what the church teaches." "The church teaches a lot of error", says Jesus. "They have always had a collective neurotic obsession about sex and sexuality. They have fabricated an enormous and toxic culture of shame that to this day has distorted and ruined millions of human lives. There was no reason at all, following my birth, that my mother should remain a virgin. Think of my poor stepfather here." "It was only a few days following your birth in that barn", says the elderly British gentleman, "That your mother and I could finally enjoy what it is really like to be man and wife." "I would have to say it was more your enjoyment than mine, dear Joseph", she says...

1790

"I consented to your conception, Jesus, because I was a child of thirteen, and had only in the past month begun to bleed as a woman, and who was I to argue with an angel especially a high archangel such as Gabriel? But it was still a violation, a wonderful and so sacred and so beautiful moment, but I had no agency. I was alone, still a child, and then there was my betrothal to your earthly stepfather here, Joseph, and how only through the angel's intervention could he be persuaded that I had not cheated with some randy boy in the village. Jesus, my Blessed Son, did you know how vulnerable, how frightened I was? Do you really know, can you really understand what it is really like to be woman?" "You are teaching me, Mother. You have been teaching me these last two thousand years. And yes, even though I am God, I always have things to learn, and that is how I can appreciate your humanity, because I have also made it my humanity...

1789

That was the beauty of being human. Even though I always have inhabited all my creation, I could actually experience my dialogue with the queen bee, as a man, as a human being. I could walk in the fields and inhale the fragrance of flowers and herbs in the warm spring air. I could feel the ground under my feet. I could feel the flesh, blood and bone of a living human body. I could know, in a a way not quite possible before I sprang into your blessed womb, Mother, what it is like to engage fuly with mortal life, the world, with people, nature, with everything, but a man. I knew what it is to be a man." "But not as a woman, my lord." "But it is still all the same." My Lord, I have never spoken of this to you, but now, even though I am very ancient, it is time..." "And I know already every word you are going to say, Mother..." "But still I must speak to you those words, my Lord, otherwise, it would never be the same..." "And that is why we have prayer...

1788

"Mother, you already know I forgave you. The very moment you swatted me upside the head, I knew your were under tremendous pressure. "I was pregnant, again, with your brother Jude, your sister Miriam was constantly screaming for attention and I was breastfeeding Simon. And Joseph, the brother after you was constantly getting into everything. And there you were, pouring all over your head the honey you hadn't already filled your mouth with with your own grubby little fingers." "Mom, remember my teaching. It isn't what goes into the mouth that defiles a man but what comes out of the mouth, that is what defiles a man. I was six years old, and the honey so looked like the Holy Spirit being poured all over me that I had to try it out. It was quite a sticky mess, and then came the back of your maternal hand." "You have forgiven me, my Lord." "you needn't ask again, love. You always can count on my love and forgiveness. But you never asked me what I did to refill the honey jar. I went out into the field where I found a queen bee. I told her the dilemma, and she went and started a hive near our house. Very soon after, honey was dripping down the tree tunk. Of course I could do this, because I made the bee, and she was going to do my bidding...

1787

"My Lord", says his mother, "Do pardon me for changing the subject, but I would like us please to spend some time on your attitutdes towards women." "Speak, Holy Mother", he replies. "We have never spoken about this my lord. And yes, you as God becamwe incarnated as a man. But never as a woman. Only as man. And even though you have treated us women with the most impeccable respect, ever since I swatted your head when you were little for spoiling the honey jar." "Oh yes, the honey jar", he says laughing. "and mother, you could really pack quite a whallop. And unfortunately that wasn't the only time." To us Jesus says, "The churches, notably the Roman Catholic Church, has long propogated the myth that ours, the Holy Family, was the most perfect, and harmonious, the very sweetest little set of mother, earthly stepfather, and divine son, that ever graced this planet earth.."

1786

My holy Scriptures were gathered, collated and redacted during a time when homosexuslity was not deemed to exist. That that was the darkest, vilest and most horrible of sins which would be found in no Christian person. The homophobia and denial that afflicted all those who professed to represent me was such that their own eyes remained blinded to the obvious. Nor would any of them have ever dreamed that the love that the disciple, my great apostle John, had for me could be anything but fraternal and devotional. And in case any of you here are wondering, and it is clear to me that you are, nothing untoward ever happened between myself and my beloved disciple, nor with any others of the twelve, nor with anyone else. My mission here was to save, to teach about the Kingdom, and to offer myself up as the saving victim that would bring redemption and the reality of God to all of humble and repentant hearts. John's love towards me, alas, was not exactly pure, for he also had a strong homoerotic predispostion, but through contact with me he learned to master it and to not allow his carnal tendencies to interfere with the work of My Holy Spirit. Indeed, he was not the only one, and then there was my beloved Magdalene, and at this point we will not go into the complete codswallop that has been assumed about her over the centuries, along with that distasteful and absolutely stupid and groundless notion that we married each other and had children together, but I will say that there was an ongoing rivalry between them both for my love and attention that only became resolved after I rose from the dead, and openly confronted them both that they must put aside their rivalry and their longing for someone they could never have, and come to work for me in a spirit of unity and fraternal love...

1785

"This is something I never ever for the life of me would have imagined", says Francois, truly scandalized and clearly gobsmacked. "Not me", says Carl. "Not me at all. I always figured that naked kid was a rent boy that found himself in the wrong place at the right time. But that was you, Caspar." "That was Caspar." The voice belongs to Sven Lindstrom, and this is the first time he has so far opened his mouth. "I would have been sixteen when you told me about it." "Nobody is allowed to have secrets?", says Erik. "What shall be whispered in the bedchamber will be shouted from the rooftops", says Jesus. "With Me, and in my kingdom there are no sectets. All is transparency. All is light, All is revelation. And especially, all is love." Say I, "According to my father, biblical scholars agree that the identity of the young man belonged to the writer of the gospel itself." "Pure homophobic horse shit", enunciates Jesus, and of course every one is shocked to hear the Author of Life and our Great Redeemer use that kind of language...

1784

The Young Jesus is still holding Caspar and cuddling him like he is a large kitten or puppy.  "Caspar", he says softly and tenderly, "When you drove those nails into me, I knew that the Father would transform everything, and when I looked at you and you saw the love, my Father's love for you, that was the very beginning of your redemption.  The dark lord could do nothing to de-immortalize you, but only through my power and authority, for by this your salvation would be secured and completed.  But darling Caspar, neither have you told us the entire truth of what happened, for when you awoke two thousand years ago in Jerusalem, you awoke in the bed of one of the chief Pharisees.  That is right, Caspar, you were his catamite, his young homosexual boy toy. He had purchased you months earlier in the slave market.  You still were unconscious, and walking as though still in your sleep.  This had all occurred in the highest secrecy of course because among such vipers every possible sin was being explored and gloated over, though clandestinely.  Your new master had been summoned away to an emergency night council, for they were already waiting for my capture and arrest and to see me dragged before them.  You, in the meantime, lay there in his bed naked and completely perplexed.  Then you heard the noise and the hubbub outside.  You got up and saw through the window all the commotion.  You dressed yourself in the bedsheet, winding it round your naked body, and then you ran out to see what was happening.  One of the guards recognized you as Levi's slave boy, fancied you for himself, and made a grab for you.  He only got hold of the sheet, and you fled away, naked, back to the home of your master, where you dressed yourself and waited, because you knew already you would be summoned to do your job with me.  Yes, it was my servant, Mark, who recorded this in his gospel, for all the world and for all time to know about you, Caspar...

1783

And now Stella, for the very first time today, appears to have completely dropped her tough bitch garb, her wise old hooker armour, which likely will not serve her well while she is here anyway. She is beginning to cry, soft little sobs proceeding from her mouth and shaking her strong and sturdy shoulders, and I see tears on her cheeks. "Oh Lord", she says in a soft and tremulous voice, "Thank you, thank you so much, Jesus, for your great mercy and love. For forgiving Caspar, for receiving him as your own", and now she simply breaks down, covering her face with both hands, while the rest of us look on, as though we are witnessing the birth of a child...

1865

1782

Dear Lawrence, can you accept this?" "Yes", he replies without looking up. "I think I can." "Even without the glad distractions of your phone or the internet." "It isn't going to be easy. But I have to accept that you have brought me here for my own good." "You will be struggling with this for a few days, as will some of the others. Prepare to be transformed. All of you. And you also, dear Caspar", he says to Caspar who is seated next to him. Jesus puts his arm around his shoulder. "You are already undergoing the greatest transformation. You have become, Caspar, fully human. And soon shall you be healed of your many painful memories." He is starting to tremble, and already there are tears rolling down his cheek. "Lord, I have sinned against you far and above all the others here. How can you possibly forgive me." "How can you possibly forgive yourself, my love, except by knowing my forgiveness of you", and here, the young Jesus enfolds him in a tight embrace...

1781

"Before moving on to Caspar, my lord," says Erik, "Could you please explain to us how you could be in two places doing two different things at once, talking with us here and appearing in Sarah's dream in Thailand? This is most perplexing." "Time and space are but nothing to me, my child. I can be in many places and many dimensions and still not have to move from my chair here because I live outside of time and space. I live in eternity. I am the creator and sustainer of time and space and ruler of all. Yes, I know, such strange words coming from a teenage boy, and so I must create in your hearts for you the eyes of faith and cause you to see not with the eyes that perish, but with the eternal eyes of the soul. When I give sight to the blind it is both sets of eyes that are illumined that the two may see as one. And Lawrence, please forgive me, because I can tell by your thoughts that we are not yet finished. Shall I tell you, or would you like to tell me?" "I was just wondering about Damien." "A miraculous process occurred last week when he spoke to Sarah. That night, she invited him to sit with her in the lobby. They spoke at length about you, and Damien begged her to forgive you and he both. And now she has. But she must wait to hear and see your repentance before she can accept you again into her life, and you are still not ready yet for this to happen, for which reason I strongly recommend that you stay here with us until your formation is complete."

1780

"When should we all be finished here?" say I. "That all depends on how much work you give me. You each have responsibility to work with me if I am to do well in your formation here. "Lawrence", what are you thinking right now. No don't tell me, I already know. Do not worry about getting out of here in time to contact Sarah and intervene the abortion. I have already appeared to her in a dream, since it is still early morning in Thailand, and all is well. She is going to talk to you when she is back, and together you both are going to begin the future of your new family." "Does that mean I'm staying here?" "We can talk about it after dinner. But now I want to move on to the guest I have particularly been wanting to see here", says Jesus. "My own beloved Caspar."

1779

Speaking of Sarahs, says Carl, what about our Sarah, and her two friends Jenn and Maureen. It would be nice if they could be here with us. "Yeah", says Francois, "It's a pity that we 're all men here." "Oh speak for yourself", barks Stella. "I happen to be both." "Better than nothing", I guess", quips Carl. "Oh be quiet and eat your peanuts", she says. "I will be sending for them and the others tomorrow", says Jesus. "What, do men get special privilege, being here first?" mutters Stella, as though unaware, rather, indifferent, of whose divine presence we all happen to be in right now. "No", replies our youthful Lord. "Then why were the twelve apostles all men?" "Those were the twelve recorded apostles. There were also my blessed mother here, the Magdalene, Susana, Johanna, other Maries, Martha, many others." "Oh yes, says Stella, "Patriarchy." "That and simple pragmatism", reples our Lord. "Those twelve men needed special and extra time with me as part of their formation. Not because their position was superior, but because as men, they were entirely way more selfish and self-centred than women, and needed particularly to be broken of those toxic tendencies if they were going to serve me well....

1778

"I can't understand", says Lawrence, "How Sarah could have become pregnant. She was always diligent about taking the pill." "It could be said that she conveniently forgot just that one night at Whistler. She had a lot on her mind, especially the preparations for your soon upcoming trip to Thailand, now her trip with her girlfirend Melanie , and some deep seated consternations about her future." "Her future with me?" "Dear Lawrence, please. This is not all about you. She is older than you,. thirty-nine next month and as they like to say, her biolgical clock is ticking. Of course she has never had time to actually sit down and think any of this through, but Sarah's body has been screaming at her to produce a child, one of the deepest motivating instincts that any woman has to live with...

1777

"Twins." "Identical twins, Lawrence. "Twin boys." "Identical twin boys. Your hands and your lives are about to become very full. But the choice is up to you, dear Lawrence." "I never would have thought..." "Which is very typical among male breeders, for that is the very apt slur that some homosexuals have towards heterosexuals. And breeder men never have to worry about pregnancy. They can simply make their little deposit, and off they go for the next coital opportunity. No fuss, no muss, and the woman is left having to carry everything, baby included. But, Lawrence, even if your mind is made up now, about staying here and enduring what is being offered to you, for my discernment is never incorrect, you and the others here, will still be offered the choice of leaving from here this evening. First we must dine, then you have the choice to go down to the beach and wait for the boat that will begin your journey home. But heed this warning. That will be your only opportunity to leave, and should you decline this evening, then you are all going to have to consider yourselves my guests here until we are finished...

1776

"I'm...I'm going to be a father?" "That all depends." "Depends." "Depends. It depends on what happens here between you and me. If you chose to abort this work of repentance, renewal and transformtion of life, then it is sure and likely that Sarah will also abort her pregnancy. That for her is going to be very tough decision, because she grew up Roman Catholic, and depite the feminism she has force-fed herself on since she was sn eleven year old, the old catholic teachings, especially about life, and about abortion contlinue to squat like as derelict tenant in the very recesses of her soul." "Which means." She is going to find out in Thailand that she is pregant." Then she is going to send you a text. That is going to occur in a couple of weeks time, just after you are finished here and back at home again. She is going to make it clear that she does not want to be a single mother, but that she still cannot do this alone, but neither is she prepared to return to living with an unfaithful partner. She is going to impose on you her own shotgun wedding. If you want to see your children alive, then you will repent of your philandering with any and all genders, and properly marry her and build a life together." "She's going to blackmail me." "Correct. But if you do decide to stay on here with me, it will soon become to you such a sweet proposal that you will not have it in yourself to turn her down....

1775

"Of course there is also the problem of family racism, since your sister married a Filipino-Canadian. Your mother, Lawrence, adores her new son-in-law. Your father, not so much, but he is being brought to repentance. And that is something you simply will not admit, not even to yourself, but when you were told that your new brother-in-law is Filipino, which is to say that he is not Caucasian , you simply went silent, and chose to ignore it all and have a lovely weekend full of unprotected sex with your girlfrend Sarah at Whistler. I am bringing this up, my dear Lawrence, because Sarah is just about to discover that she is pregnant with your children. Yes, I said children, because she is carrying twins, Two boys. Identical...

1774

Aaron, with his companion, Doug, was involved in a very intense and very delicate ministry to AIDS sufferers, and on the night of his brother's wedding a dear friend of his invited them both for dinner. This friend was already in the advanced stages of illness and would be dying within the following two months. He had given them the dinner in gratitude for all the help and service and love they had been rendering him. And Aaron had a lengthy history of friendship with Ken, who originally lusted after him, then realized that Aaron was his friend and brother in Christ, which is to say, within the purview of my love, authority and will. Ken accepted the limits on their relationship and for years cherished Aaron's friendship which in time led him to me and now he lives in the courts of heaven where he is among my many servitors in the unseen. Aaron was right to ignore his brother's wedding because of his service to me....

1773

"My Lord Jesus Christ", says a familiar voice, "Please, with your leave, lord, I would like to intercede for our friend Lawrence here"  And here is Aaron, standing in the doorway, but he doesn't appear to be able to advance any further, as though he is somehow being prevented by this new and very puzzling dimension we have all found ourselves in." "Yes, hello, Aaron.  And welcome.  It is always so good to see you, my beloved." To us, Jesus says, "Aaron is one of my very choice disciples.  He loves me from his heart and has suffered much in my service. I have given him leave to write all of you in this work of literary fiction as a means of instructing him and others about the true nature of life in my love, care and service." "Thank you Jesus", he replies.  "It's just that it so happens, Lord, that I also, due to some rather delicate circumstances, ended up not attending my own brother's wedding, and..." "Say no more, my beloved friend, I know everything and I can tell everything.  And don't imagine here, anyone, that weddings are particularly special to me just because of that incident with that water to wine in Cana of  Galilee.  I was pressganged by my dear micromanaging mother here, and loving nag that she is, wanted to tightly script everything for me, even if it meant getting all the guests scandalously pissed on the extra wine I could generate after they had run out of the plonk that was being served.  It was the culture of our day.  No wedding, or any such celebration, was considered complete unless everyone got so completely sozzled that they couldn't even get out of their chair to take a piss.  But I do not approve of drunkenness, but, well, we all know my lovely mother here..." "You are most gracious my lord, "  says his elderly mother with a slightly twisted little grin and more than a touch of maternal sarcasm... As if he hasn't heard her, Jesus gets to the point, "Your relationship Aaron, with your older brother, is very different from Lawrence's relationship with his younger sister.  In fact, Lawrence is very similar to your brother in his attitudes and mentality, and he caused you a lot of grief and anguish and not a few bruises when you were growing up.  You have never owed him anything.  Plus, while you had every intention of honouring your unworthy sbling with your presence at his wedding, which had nothing at all to do with church or clergy since he was both a nonbeliever and a disciple of the supreme dark lord, I was particularly worried about your being there.  Especially when I had other work for you."

1772

"You never liked your sister. You still don't. You always held yourself above her, and you were very mean to her throughout growing up, exluding and shunnng her, playing mean tricks on her. The very worst was when you offered her, at the time, a naíve four year old, dog feces on a plate, insisting it was chocolate. It was your mother who caught you both just in the nick of time and one of the rare times you were actually spanked. You would have been eight at the time." "Paula was and still is a chronic underachiever. She has no self-discipline, and absolutely no ambition in life." "Your sister, Paula, happens to be one of my most devoted lovers. She cares for the elderly and dying in a nursing home in the Downtown Eastside, a friend of the poorest and most unwanted. Why would you find fault, Lawrence. And on top of everything, you boycotted her recent wedding so you and Sarah could enjoy a ski weekend at Whistler. No anniversary, no special occasion. You simply didn't care enough. And not only did you not care enough. You still want to hurt her sister. You never forgave her for replacing you as the centre of your mother's attention. You never forgave her for being born. You never forgave her for existing..."

1771

"My Lord", and I am calling this boy my Lord because that is exactly who he happens to be. "My Lord, aren't you being a bit hard on him. He also appears to be a kind soul." "Lawrence, am I being hard on you?" "No.  Not in the least." "Are you a kind soul?" "I try to be." "Are you successful at being kind?" "No.  Not terribly." "But despite your narcissistic, consuming all engulfing greed, Lawrence.  You are also, indeed,  a kind soul. And that is why I have brought you here.  That ember is warm in you and already it is forming sparks.  Your grandfather could see that in you.  That is why he threatened to defund your postsecondary education if you were not going to abandon the photography classes in art school.  He wanted you, not to make something of yourself, but to offer and give yourself.  He saw that potential in you because he was seeing you through my eyes.  So you went to take a degree in social work with the objective of helping others in distress.  With a nice paycheque, of course.  I did say your grandfather was very pragmatic, but it also squared with your desire and sense of entitlement to always have privilege and nice things in your life, Lawrence.  But we also need to talk about your cruel streak, also known as your younger sister, Paula.  Shall I continue?" "Must you?"

1770

Lawrence does appear completely flummoxed. Emotionally he is barely holding on, and appears as if he could break down into a weltering weeping mess at the drop of a pin. "I can see this is finally making an impression on you, Lawrence", says Jesus. "I never would have thought", he says. "I never would have guessed, nor even remotely guessed that that was affecting her that way." "That you are this moved over her condition is a sign of great hope for you, Lawrence", says Jesus. He raises his eyes to the rest of us and says, "People who backslide from, who abandon the Christian faith never do so for reasons that are not completely and thoroughly selfish. They have become so completely consumed in their own misgivings, bitterness and selfishness that they neither know or care just how they are affecting others through their behaviour. It suddenly becomes all about them as they try to carve their own road in life, absolutely heedless and indifferent to all the innocent souls, all the lovely flowers that get trampled and mowed down and destroyed by them as they try to move in what they think is a forward direction." He returns his gaze onto Lawrence. "in your case this has been particularly toxic because you have become a life support for your appetites, one gaping maw that must always find something to consume and swallow..."

1769

"What else do you know?" says Lawrence, quiet and sobre, but still not yielding. "That Sarah has kicked you out of the apartment, and expects you to be fully gone once she is back in six weeks. Do you think you can manage?" "I haven't even begun to look for a place to live yet." "There will be something available for you once you are finished here. Or once I am finished with you here, Lawrence. As you can tell by my tone, I am not particularly pleased with your behaviour of late, though I am absolutely delighted to finally have you here with me, as I hope, in time, that you will also feel about being here with me. There does remain one particularly pesky detail, however. Your infidelity towards your ex-fiance, has also soured her towards me. Sarah has never known me, though a certain yearning was beng stirred awake in her spirit through the course of your courtship, and even if your arrangements of common-law still remain outside the purview of my will for you, it has been better than nothing, and has served as a form of what they call harm-reduction, as you both could at least begin to practice together mutual fidelity. This betrayal has also seared out of existence Sarah's desire to know me, and for this reason, except you repent and accept the discipline that awaits you here in this house with me, I am going to require of you that poor woman's soul....

1768

"This is just all way too much at once", protests Lawrence, nearly shouting. "Here I am expected to believe that some blonde teenage little smartass is actually Jesus Christ, himself, has magicaly teleported me and the rest of us to heaven knows where in some ritzy looking mansion where now I have to sit here without cellular service and listen to the likes of you as you completely humiliate me in front of people I don't even know and one of them happens to be my professional client. This is all way beyond the pale. I demand to see and speak to your parents or adult guardians, and I plan to use every force of the law to make sure that you answer for this." "Both my earthly parents are right here, among us, if you wish to speak to them about this matter, Lawrence. In the meantime, you might try to ask yourself just how anybody, outside of Jesus Christ himself, could possibly know all those intimate details about your past. And speaking of which, I would like to continue. Your girlfiend, Sarah, was able to find someone, her best girlfriend, Melanie, actually, to take your place on her vacation. She actually did bankroll the whole thing as a birthday present to her soon to be fiancee, who only turned out to be one cheating little weasel. I believe it was just ten days or so ago when..." "That's enough", he shouts in a fit of rage, but without even having to raise his voice, the young Jesus is already calmly and serenely speaking over him and drowning him out. "It turns out, that one of your male conquests in the gay steambath you were frequenting, I believe those places are also known colloquially as, the Tubs, anyway, that this young swain of yours with whom you had a five minute tryst in the Tubs was particularly smitten by you and actually followed you home one night. You were already in bed when he rang your intercom, but Sarah was still up. She wasn't sure what to make of this person, so she went downstairs and had a most illunminating interview with him through the front door of your apartment building..." "That's enough", says Lawrence, but now it sounds more like a whine than a roar issuing out of his mouth.. "The young man's name is Damien. He is one of mine, has wandered far from me, and soon, thanks to your contact with him, a new fissure has just opened up for him to return to Me... being your Redeemer also gives me the power to turn almost any sinful or disobeient act into a process of redemption." "Wait a minute", says Carl, "You actually gave this guy you just met in the Tubs your address?" "Damien already knew Lawrence. They had been to university together and on occasion had visited Lawrence and Sarah together in their apartment. For drinks. Nothing else..."

1847

1766

Lawrence now has at least two tattoos on his upper left arm (he is dressed in an olive green T shirt). A red rose and a green and blue hummingbird. "When did you get those tattoos", say I. "The day after I completed my practicum and was hired fulltime by the mental health team", he says. "Is everything that Jesus just said about your past the truth?" says Carl. He replies grimly, "Nothing that Jesus ever says is going to be anything but the truth." "I am glad you are beginning to recognize the true identity of your Host here", says the young Jesus. "Shall I continue?" "As if I could do anything to stop you", he mutters tersely. "that was also the same day you found an apartment with your girlfriend, Sarah, and you were together for almost six years, or till this very day, since she has flown off to Thailand without you. Sarah is the recreation therapist who soon came on board at the same mental health team. You began seeing each other just eighteen months before you graduated, while still living with your grandparents. Unfortunately they have both since passed away, but they are with me now, and they are both quite aware that you broke your side of the deal with them and started having sex with Sarah just days after your first meeting.... "So tell you something I don't already know." "Both your grandparents, because as you do know they perished, already in their late eighties last year together, in a car crash, pleaded your case to me when they appeared before me after the accident. I have promised them I would move heaven and earth to get to their beloved grandson, and this is why I have summoned you here. I arranged that you become the case manager of my beloved servant here, Christopher, whose name by the way means Christ Bearer, knowing that very shortly after, almost the very same moment, would open up the opportunity to bring you here into my presence, Lawrence." "And you suppose that by kidnapping me against my will that I am actually going to come to love you." "For the first time ever, my dear Lawrence, that ember finally is beginning to warm in your heart, and I plan to blow it to a consuming flame..."

1765

"His father, your grandfather, fortunately intervened. He is your mother's father, the Dutch side of your family, through whom you owe your relation to Carl.You two had always been close, with your grandmother as well, and they invited you to come live with them during your last year of high school and beyond. They shared in common with your parents a deep devotion to me, but with considerably greater maturity and common sense. Plus, your grandfather had prospered greatly in the building supplies business and was already a man of considerable wealth. So, he decided to bankroll your mental health treatment, by seeing that you had access to better care and treatment than what was then being offered by the public health system, and as well, your university tuition. Of course, there was going to be a price to his generosity: faithful and regular church attendance, no tattoos and abstinance from all manner of sexual relations. You were allowed to have one girlfriend, platonic. Knowing that your future was at stake, you swallowed the bitter pill and got to work, even if your heart still remained so very far from me..."

1764

Lawrence has been looking down silently, his eyes mostly closed, and now he looks up and stares Jesus in the face as though to demand to know if he is finished yet.  "Please verify to the others, my dear Lawrence, that I am indeed speaking the truth." But he doesn't respond. "Shall I continue?" Still no response. "I shall accept as permission your silence.  You were not an easy child to raise.  You had sharp mood swings and bouts of black depression that could make you an absolute pain to be around.  Of course, later, in your twenties, you were diagnosed and have since met with success using light medications and cognitive therapy.  From when you were fifteen you became hell for your parents because of your insatiable sexual lust that overtook you whenever you were having bouts of mania.  And you were, and still are, sexually quite omnivorous.  More than once your parents caught you sharing your bed with various girls and various boys that would follow you home, and you were one handsome and seductive charmer.  Your father naively assumed that you were demonically possessed and foolishly tried to induce upon you rites of exorcism, and that was the final plank that was removed from your relationship..."

1763

"And now I am going to tell you some things about your father, Lawrence. As a child with your grandparents, they all immigrated to Canada from Croatia. This you already know. What they didn't tell you was that they quickly left the Roman Catholic church and began attending a charismatic church in East Vncouver, the same one that your father, Christopher, had some connection with. There he experienced the baptism of the Holy Spirit, of my very Spirit that proceeds through me from our heavenly father, and that was when he began to speak in tongues. Now let me advise you about this so-called glossalia. In some cases it is fake. In some cases it is genuine. Only I can tell the difference. It was very real for both your fathers, and both your dads had an intimate knowledge of me. In fact, Christopher, your dad was a friend of Lawrence's dad in St Margaret's. Of course you didn't know that. So, on top of having Carl for a distant cousin, Lawrence, you have this other connection with your mental health client."

1762

"I was just about to ask you that very same question", says Jesus. "But while you are here, let me please explain you to you, and to the others sitting here. And before you get caught up in your bloodlust and voyeurism, all of you, each and every one of you while we are all together here is also going to have their turn at having your inner selves exposed here to the light of day, and more, to the very interpenetrating divine light of which I, the son of man and God, happen to be." he is smiling right now, and the light in his moss green eyes is almost unbearable to look at. We all stare at him in dumbfounded silence. I think that now, even to my dear case manager, it is now perfectly obvious whose presence we happen to be sitting in right now. "Now, beginning with you, Lawrence, when you were just thirteen, you were all ready to pack it all in. You decided that your father's pentecostalism was all hogwash, speaking n tongues was an embarrassment you dared not mention to anyone, especially not to your peers in school, and you were already inventing one excuse after another for not attending church on Sundays...

1761

"And to deflect and distract", mutters the old Joseph, every bit an Engish gentleman of the upper classes. "Yes, Lawrence", says Jesus, turning to look my case manager full in the face. "Who are you people" he says. And now I have just noticed that all the others have given up on finding anything on their phones and have tucked them back into their pockets. "I could help you solve that riddle", says Jesus. "Who else would have the power to summon all of you at will here to an unknown mansion on top of the mountain of an unknown island where there is no avilable wifi service." "You're not going to help me with any of this, are you" "And how many mothers are going to address their apparently adolescent son as being their lord, and that without sarcasm and perhaps just a tiny smidgeon of irony?" "You're not making this easy." "And how many aged mothers would comment about once having sworn at their progeny in old Aramaic, and then remark about untold billions of faithful Catholics praying to her on their rosaries, visualizing her as a rather brainless teenage girl wearing a blue bedspread." "That was your comment, my Lord", says his mother. "Lawrence", says Jesus, "Your own father would have known us on the ready. And he is still one of my faithful ones, whom you have walked away from and rejected since the very day you rejected the Christian faith that he raised you in." "Just what do you happen to know about my father?" "That right now at this very moment he is seated at his desk in his church office, praying fervently for his beloved backslidden son, who is also the very apple of his eye. And for this reason I have brought you here." "Who are you!" says Lawrence, shouting and becoming unhinged, which I am finding quite gratifying in the schadenfreude sense, given how close he was to putting me on medications I no longer, never did happen, to need....

1772

"You already had a few choice monickers for me in our old Aramaice", says Jesus, still smiling. "And I'm sure that you remember every single one of them", rejoins the old crone . "And every single word I have long ago forgiven, Mother", he says. "You are most kind, my Lord", says his mother with a curious mix of reverence, sarcasm, and, could this be camp? And now, both mother and son are laughing merrily while the old Joseph stoicly looks on. Then he says, "Please let this old man in on your joke." Jesus says, "I am just picturing all those millions, no, billions of faithful Roman Catholics, etcetera, so faithfully and devoutly praying with their little rosaries to my dear mother here, visualizing a sweet, rather dumb-looking, young girl wearing a blue bedspread, and never imagining not even for one moment how choicely and succinctly she could swear at me in our old Aramaic. Hilarious! And mother, they could hear you screaming at me throughout the whole blessed village." "Meanwhile, my Lord", she says, "I believe the focus right now is still on this young man here. Lawrence." "How like my mother", he says. "Always the first to want to help."

1759

Lawrence appears to be ignoring what our host has just said, and is right now scouring his smartphone for clues. "I can't get a signal here." "Because there is no signal here. You are wasting your time." "Obviously." Stubbornly, Lawrence clings to his phone and keeps texting and scrolling and texting and scrolling. "You are not going to find GPS on your phone, Lawrence." "Then why can't you tell us where we are", he sputters, "Or tell us who you are?" "I have many names", says our host. "Or perhaps you could invent a name for me." Jesus is smiling, mischievously, and tenderly at Lawrence. "How about Fifteen Year Old Smartass", says Lawrence. "Had I spoken English back in the day", says his elderly mother in clipped upper class English, "That is exactly what I would have called you."

1758

"Does thqt mean we are going to be here for a long time?" wonders Erik, evidently not particlrly nervous or upset that we have just been all abducted together. "You will be here for as long as you need to be." "What are we going to do here?" says Francois. "You will all be sleeping here over a course of many nights. This house is bigger than yours, Carl, so there is no question of there being adequate room, and all your other needs, including changes of clothing and toiletries, you will each find in your bedrooms and bathrooms." "You can't do this to us", says Lawrence, his voice rising in a panic. Clearly he is going to be needing the most convincing. "I demand to be let off this island. Immediately." "You are most welcome to descend the mountain we are on and wait at the beach, where at sunset there will be a boat to ferry you to the big Island, and from there you can make your own arrangements." "You mean to say Vancouver Island", he says testily. "The same, yes. But first won't you stay and have dinner with us, and see the place before your decision is final."

1757

Carl looks perplexed at Jesus, but seems to know better than ask him about how those keys got there. "Where exactly are we", he says. "You are in the area of what is now called the Salish Sea", replies Jesus, on a small island between Saltspring and Saturna." "Pender Island?" say I. "That is the island in between Saltspring and Saturna. " "You are on an altogether different island here with me", says Jesus. "Uncharted?" asks Francois. "You will never be found here. No one is ever found here..."

1756

"Hello, Francois", says Carl, still totally gobsmacked, "How did you get here." "How did you get here." "We were all seated in a coffee shop midtown on Broadway and then this Jesus kid here shows up, and now we are all here. By the way, I would like you to meet Lawrence, and Caspar, and Stella, and Sven." "The pleasure is mine" says Francois, clearly holding on to his aplomb, and taking a seat between Sven Lindstrom and my brother-in-law. "This person here just showed up on our doorstep and told me I was to come with...her? him?" "My eternal servants do not have gender as it is known on the earth", remarks Jesus. "You may call this one Lan." "Anyway, they gave me time to call the others to let them kow we would be all indisposed for a while in an emergency retreat..." "They will also be summoned", says Lan in one of the purest and clearest voices I have ever heard. They are wearing a long white tunic with a bright lavander purple robe fastened over one shoulder. This person or being is one of the most remarkably beautiful beings I have ever laid eyes upon. "The painters have agreed to leave the extra set of keys you gave them inside the front door. If you reach into your pocket you will find the original keys there, Carl." "So they are", he says, dumbfounded....

1755

"Can someone, anyone please explain to me where we are and how we got here. or am I hallucinating." "You are not hallucinating, dear Lawrence. Simply, I have brought all of you here together with me, though there are still a few missing. But I think that would be Francois coming in through the front door." And so arrives Francois, escorted by a tall, beautiful fair haired woman, or perhaps an androgynous young man, robed in purple and white. Francois appears sombre and rather perplexed as he makes his way towards our circle. "Welcome to the Refuge, faithful and noble Francois", says the young Jesus, springing from his seat and walking over to our African-Canadian friend. He enfolds Francois in a tight and prolonged embrace. "You are above all present here most blessed, excluding perhaps my most famous mother here..." "Well, that's what they all call me anyway", says the old woman laughing. "Please, seat yourself here next to my mother, good, dear Francois"

1754

"I would hardly call this Modern Family", says Lawrence, who seems to rely on witty oneliners in order to cope with the unexpected. "Where the hell are we. Where the hell am I." "Nowhere near hell", responds Jesus, laughing. "Who are you, then." "Any of my friends here will be happy to tell you", says the boy. "And, Caspar", he says, turning to the dark being, putting his arm around his shoulder. "Welcome. I have been longing for this meeting. I have been longing to see you. It has been such a long time, friend, and now fortunately, we can see each other under different, and better circumstances." To Lawrence, I say, "This is Jesus." "Oh, come on. Or maybe it is time for you to restart your meds." "Lawrence", says Stella, in a tone of don't -try- my -patience, "This is indeed Jesus. That Jesus." "That Jesus." "And, Lawrence", says the young Jesus to my case manager, "It has been with great longing that I have been wanting to see you here..."

1753

"What is the meaning of all this", sputters Lawrence. "What is the meaning of anything", responds Jesus. "Who are you", says Lawrence. "And where are your parents." "They are both right here." He calls, "Mary. Joseph. You are both needed here." And out come this most peculiar elderly couple. they are dressed in elegant, upper class English country tweeds, with white hair. The woman's hair is wild, sticking out in all directions. Despite their years, they appear both straight, tall and strong. Very tall, almost seven feet tall. "I said your parents, not your grandparents", says Lawrence, frowning. "These are my parents", says Jesus. The old woman says, "but our son here is older than we are. Much much older.... "And I am his stepfather", says the old man

1752

And here he is. The teenage Jesus, standing behind us both, both his hands resting on our backs, and now suddenly...Where are we? It looks like one of the sitting rooms in Carl's family mansion, but no, this is a different place altogether. There is dark wood paneling, a beautiful red, blue and gold coloured oriental carpet at our feet, and we are all seated in a circle in upholstered chairs. Lawrence is on my left, Jesus is on my right where he sits between Caspar and me. And across are Carl, Stella, and I also see Jesús, who ought to be in Colombia, and a tall, handsome man with blonde hair next to Stella, who could only be her twin, Sven, and also Erik...

1751

Now Caspar is weeping, openly and loudly, howling like a child who has just fallen down and hurt himself for the first time in his short little life and no mommy or daddy nearby to pick him up and console him. I am next to him, and instinctively my arm goes around his back, and now he is leaning into me, weeping and convulsing, and howling so loud that every eye in this coffee shop is upon us. "I killed him", he wails. "I killed him, I killed Jesus. I killed God..." He is finally starting to calm down, his voice has gone quiet. "How can I ever find forgiveness." A young and very tender voice says suddenly, "And now I live..."

1750

Then I felt a hand on my back, and another grabbing me by the arm. I couldn't understand what he was saying, but he dragged me over to where the man was lying on a piece of wood that had been fastened to the crossbeam. Someome put in my right hand a hammer, and in the other a spike, then directed me to the left hand of the man who was tied there. Then with his hands, he guided my hands to hammer the nail into his hand. I obeyed. The man winced and cried out in pain, and then the blood came, some of it spattering on me. Then he looked directly at me, and said something to me in another language. But this time I knew what was being said. His eyes were filled with tears, kindness and compassion, and he said to me. We will meet again, and then we shall be friends....

1746

Lawrence is not one for disguising his incredulity, it seems.  He looks both, Stella. and Caspar, up and down, as though they are notorious figures in a wax museum.  He can't believe his eyes. "Caspar", he says, Just how old are you?" He doesn't answer at first.  His face is a gleaming afterglow of joy, but his eyes carefully measure Laurence's face, as though he is about to perform cosmetic surgery on him, then he says, "I am by far the oldest one here." "You can't be more than twenty." "I did tell you on the phone this morning", I start saying to lawrence, but Stella cuts me off. "Caspar comes from a race of beings that is quite different from mortal humans.  But he has just lost his immortality.  Punishment by my father for insubordination..."

1749

You fell asleep. You were in a coma?" "I was asleep for a long time. A very long time. Hundreds of years. When I awoke I was a youth, much as you see me now. There was this huge commotion occurring. I was in a market square in Jerusalem, and then I saw a man carrying a huge beam of wood tied to his back. He stumbled and fell. Then I saw a dark man. African, I think, being shoved over to where the man had dropped the piece of wood. He was made to pick it up and carry it for him the rest of the way. There was a lot of shouting. angry and rude shouts and gestures. And there was the sound of women weeping. I followed them outside the gates of the city...

1748

"But what am I supposed to do with all this", says Lawrence, gently shoving back to her the tidy stack he has just made of Stella's passports. "Perhaps", say I, "You need to accept that you are no longer just my case worker, but that now you are accompanying us on a journey." Instead of responding to my comment, Lawrence directs his eyes onto Caspar and says, "Where do you fit into all this." Caspar is still smiling and glowing. "You do not know, just now what you have done to help me. I have never in my long existence every thanked anyone for anything, neither have I ever smiled or laughed. I cannot begin to thank you enough, dear Lawrence." "How old are you?" "when I was a little child, I was wandering alone, hungry and completely abandoned, the streets of a big city in India. I do not know which one. Then a very kind man wearing a bright orange robe adopted me. He was a disciple of the Buddha. He treated me like his own son. And then I fell asleep..."

1747

"And I am expected to believe you both." "It doesn't matter to either one of us a bloody damn what you believe. You wanted to know. We just told you. if you can't believe us, then at least kindly shut up so we can move on...." "Can I see your passpsorts again, please?" "Oh, all right", Stella barks while digging the six documents out of her handbag and slamming them in front of Lawrence. He examines each one, carefully, each time looking carefully at Stella's face, then back to the photos covering nine decades. He pauses, tears the lid off his takeout coffee and takes a careful, calculated sip of the scalding hot beverage, then he looks again at the passports, examining each one with what appears to be a professional eye. "I'm a photographer", he says. "I trained at Emily Carr, before getting my social work degree. I know how to identify fakes and counterfeits." Then he looks directly at her. "Not one of these photos is faked. It is the same image of the same person, someone who has not aged one single year in almost a century. How am I to explain this. How am I to understand it." "Perhaps by accepting that we are not lying", she replies...

1745

"I did say thank you, yes, I did say thank you", and he sounds like a little boy pleased to know that he has finally mastered a difficult lesson. "I have never before heard you speak those words, Caspar", she says tenderly. "This is the first time", he says, "The first time ever. Well the second time.", and he starts to laugh as though he has never ever  laughed before.  And it is the innocent, boisterous and unrestrained laughter of a happy child. As Lawrence returns with Caspar's cappuccino, he says, "What is this, is everyone suddenly on happy pills?"  For Caspar's joy is contagious and we are all sharing in his mirth. "Famous last words coming from a mental health professional", quips Carl. "Caspar just said "thank you", beams Stella, as though bragging about her own little child. "First time, ever, well second time, because this morning I said thank you to Carl when he gave me a glass of water.", says Caspar, still unable to contain his mirth. "Where are you from, Caspar",  says Lawrence, fixing his eyes on him as he samples his cappuccino. "India.  This drink is delicious.  Thank you so much", and he bursts out again in innocent laughter.  "Oh, those words, thank you, they feel so good, so good to say.  What did you say it's called." "Cappuccino.  Don't they serve it in india?" "I was there such a very long time ago.  And I remember so little.  Thank you, Lawrence, this is so lovely..." "Where else have you lived?"  says Lawrence.  "Mostly Sweden.  For a while in England." "That's why you have an accent.  I hear a bit of Swedish and English when you speak.  Not sure about Indian. "It was so long ago." "How long exactly?" "Long enough for Casper to have gotten into a sizable amount of trouble", interrupts Stella. "How do you two know each other?" He was stepfather to my twin sibling and I.  Mostly my brother, but we also spent summers together in England..."

1743

Lawrence has returned with a takeout cup of coffee in his hand that he places on the table. "that was a close one", he says, glancing at his now half finished cappuccino. "You have Caspar to thank for this", says Stella. "He noticed Zaheed looking at your unattended beverage, and then started drinking it in order to cover your ass for you." "Thank you so much, Caspar", he says. "Please, you don't have to finish it, you dont need my germs, especially during covid. Here let me get you a new one." "Caspar, for the first time smiles. And his face is lighting up in a way that I can only describe as sublimely beautiful. "Thank you, Lawrence. That is so kind of you." The first words he has spoken since we left New Westminster today.

1742

Lawrence has suddenly stopped laughing, and now he is staring at a middle aged South Asian man with a shaved head. He is at the serving counter, flirting very ostentatiously with the the young woman barista. "Oh my God, talk about timing", he mutters under his breath. "Who is that", say I. "My adorable boss", he hisses. "Fortunately, I have to pee, and if I move fast enough, I can get to the can without being noticed." He makes his exit from the table, but, too late. His boss has cornered him and they appear to be having rather an animated conversation. Lawrence makes a quick escape and now, take out cup in hand, his boss makes his way to our table. His face is painted with a big shit-eating smile, and he comes straight toward me, his hand outstretched. "You must be Christopher", he says, standing over the table between Carl and Erik. "And who might you be", says Stella, her voice a compromise between a purr and a growl. "My name is Zaheed", he says in the booming over confident voice of a Youtube self-help guru. "And I am the new team lead." "Pleased to meet you", I reply. Apparently not noticing Lawrence's barely begun cappuccino holding vigil over his empty chair. Suddenly, his eye seems to catch the betraying beverage, then Caspar, who ordered nothing, suddenly reaches for Lawrence's cappuccino and takes from it a hearty draught. And now Lawrence's boss is really noticing. "Anytime you need support from us, always feel free to reach out, Christopher", he says, the smile again pasted all over him. Very glad to meet you", and without so much as even noticing any of my companions, Zaheed the boss walks out of the café, bearing his takeout coffee like a faltering torch...

1751

"It is hard for me to imagine Hans Vanderkamp actually paying to get spanked", says Lawrence. "Oh, his kind are the most typical cases for anything kinky. They especially love being dominated, and punished. The higher and more prestigious in society, the more twisted and kinky. And they love it." "It is hard for me to visualize." "For which you should thank your lucky stars darling, otherwise you will be carrying that image in your head for the rest of your life, and trust me when I say this, there is nothing at all pretty about it." "How did you get into sex work" says Lawrence. "It is rather a long and tiresome story, but I got my start in Copenhagen." "But where else?" says Erik, giggling. "Words spoken by an true Swede", say I. And now Lawrence cannot appear to stop his convulsive laughing.

1740

"Are we still having a therapeutic appointment" say I. "That would depend on whose therapy we are referring to", reples Lawrence. "Do you feel that you have said everything you need to for now" "I would say so. Yes." "Your turn", says Stella, fixing on Lawrence a most impaling gaze. He stammers a bit, and wriggles in his seat, adjusting his shirt collar as though to keep it from falling off his torso. He is wearing a pale lime green golf shirt, that rather becomes him. And faded black jeans, rather a darkish slate colour. "That was a nice job you did on my colleague, Hans." "Think nothing of it, dear", says Stella. "He had it coming." "The guy's a pompous blowhard. Seems to think that being from Europe he knows everything and the rest of us are dumb amateurs." "Which is why", she says with care and precision, "He used to come to me for his weekly spanking.

1739

As in the Waves coffeeshop in New West, here there is also an abundance of comfy chairs, belying the similarly sterile, office worker lack of ambience. But it is a place to sit in and the coffee is rather decent, plus with everyone on their laptops here it is easy to enjoy quiet conversation with friends. We are just starting on our Americanos and lattes when Lawrence walks in. He places his order at the counter, then swoops down to fill an empty chair between me and Stella. I ask, "Do they know at the team that you are currently fraternizing with one of your clients." "They know nothing, and should any of those nosy parkers try anything, Carl and I are cousins, so this is a family arrangement. There is nothing they can do." "You are most welcome", says Carl, smiling. "Yes, thank you indeed."

1738

"I would like to know more, but they are monitoring this meeting, and I will have to justify whatever extra time this is going to take. Listen, I am about to sign off for the day, for the next several weeks, actually, because I am about to go on vacation. There is a coffee shop across the street and one block left from here on Broadway. Waves. Do you know it?" "We were sitting in a Waves this morning in new West", say I, "When we were talking on the phone." "I'll need about fifteen minutes to finish up the paperwork, then I can join you there in less than half an hour..."

1737

I am suddenly giggling nervously. Uncontrollably. "What's up", says Lawrence. "At least, Carl and I are also both asexual. So, I don't think we'll have much of a wedding night to get nervous about." "Too true", says Carl, "Too true." "And to think you used to be a hooker", mutters Stella, dismissively but clearly with affection. "Just in case I haven't mentioned it already, Lawrence. Your newfound cousin also happens to be a retired ho." "Now that is really interesting."

1736

"I know this. And I love you very deeply Carl." "I am in love with you." "For me it's too soon to say. But yes, I do love you, Carl, and I really really enjoy being with you. But we have only known each other for two weeks." "That is very wise of you, Christopher", says Lawrence. "What do you think, cousin Carl. Are you prepared to wait and be patient." "Of course I am. And of course, I dont really nkow what to expect either...

1735

"So far, anyway", quips Carl. "Oh, just wait till we get home", I retort, and people again are laughing."As Christopher's support here at the team, I do need to know how each one of you fits into his life, if you don't mind me asking.  Carl, who is now my cousin, how long have you two known each other." "Two weeks to the very day." "And I imagine you two have become very close in such a short time." "Too close", say I.  "I don't get a lot of breathing room." To me, Lawrence says, "Would you call your friendship codependent." "Extremely. We really like each other.  I would say we love each other, and Carl has helped me in so many ways.  But I find him very needy and clingy."  "What do you say to that, Carl?" "I'm afraid he's speaking the truth", he answers solemnly. "Christopher, what would help you the most in this situation?" "Two days a week, two full days, away from each other." "Carl?" Sighing, he says, "I concur.  The thing is, I'm in love with you Chris."

1734

"We are actually moving our operations here and to a house in New Westminster", says Stella, pronouncing Westminster with the delicate care of one who has spent plenty of time in the old Westminster In London. "And you are also part of this community", says Lawrence. "I daresay I am." To me Lawrence says, "How do you feel about going back on medications." "No", say I very roundly.  "No way.  Not at all.  Not in the least." "I think we can respect your decision." "Like as if I am going to give you a choice." "Well, there is such a thing as extended leave, but there is nothing in your record or chart, or in how you present today that would suggest even remotely that you could be a risk to yourself or to others."

1733

Just in the last couple of weeks.  I mentioned that when I arrived at the retreat centre I experienced temporary amnesia, and then had a full and traumatic recall of my mother's death when she tried to kill both of us in a car crash.  I was pulled out in time, but she died in the flames." "That must have been awful  What happened after?" "Well, my father raised me.  He never remarried.  He was an Anglican priest and very dedicated to his calling both as a priest and as my father." "You must have been very close." "We were.  his death has hit me really hard and it did send me into a sort of tailspin." "Yes, we have it on your record here.  That was when you began seeing us." "That's right." "And you say you're feeling better." "Much better.  I think Carl's friendship, and others in his community have done a tremendous lot to help me. "And it is very kind of you, Carl", says Lawrence to him, "To come all the way down here to show support for your new friend like this." "There is a bit more to the story than that", says Carl.

1732

"How has your emotional state been since you stopped taking the medication." "For a while it was very erratic.  I was afraid I might be bipolar." Quips Carl, "I'd rather be bi than polar." While we are all laughing or snickering, Lawrence says, "And I happen to be both.." "That must be interesting.", says Stella. "If you don't mind the TMI, or too much information, I am both bisexual and bipolar.  But this is your time, Christopher." "Well, I don't think I 'm either.  I think I'm asexual, though I also like men." "When did you notice your mood beginning to stabilize?"

1731

"Yes, but how can you tell the difference." "A few years ago, after my closest friend, Kenny, died by alleged suicide.  He began to visit me, as though in a vision.  He told me where I could find a journal he had been writing up till the time of his death.  I otherwise, would never have known about it.  So, I looked in the place where he told me, which was in a secret compartment in what used to be his bedroom (he lived with my family for a number of years).  I brought it with me to Carl's retreat centre, where we and another friend spent several evenings reading it together." Lawrence is poker face but I can tell by his eyes that he is deeply intrigued by all this.  "That is very interesting." "And just two years ago, while I was at work--I'm a palliative care nurse--I had a vision of my father.  He was dressed all in white and was shining and radiant with joy.  I knew something was up, so I booked off early, and came straight home to find him dead at the kitchen table from a heart attack."

1730

"First of all, there is no record of any refills or renewals of your prescription for risperidone.  I have here that your last refill was on August 8 of last year.  Has the pandemic been affecting your ability to access services" "I simply didn't want to take it any longer." "Side effects?" "Brain fog.  Plus, I didn't feel myself.  I was getting dull and cranky.  And I also lost my ability to see and hear." "See and hear?" "Visions, I believe from God.  Not hallucinations.  I have had hallucinations in the past and those are quite different." "Different, how?" The hallucinations were both monotonous and terrifying.  I thought a devil was following me, but even the risperidone wasn't enough to get rid of it.  So, I quit taking it when the prescription ran out in November.  I've never felt better." "And the visions?" "They came  back.  But I always feel God's presence in the visions."

1729

Which makes you and I fourth cousins", says Carl. "That is does. But Christopher, please forgive me for not paying more attention to you right now." "Oh, that's quite all alright, we're used to Carl and his unique talent for sucking all the oxygen out of the room." "I love you too Chris." "We know that already." "Excuse me if I am overstepping", says Lawrence, "But are you two partners?" "We don't sleep together", if that's what you are really asking", say I, "but I would call us very close." Carl is nodding. "I would like to ask you some questions about medications, but are you comfortble with talking about this in front of everyone here?" "Can't hurt."

1728

"what sort of evidence do you have?" I can tell already that Carl and Lawrence like each other, both are relaxed and smiling in each other's presence. "It's anecdotal, but better than nothing. Recently I have come to know two different relatives I didn't know that I had, both from my father's side. There is a half-sister, Naomi, whom my father fathered with an indigenous woman with the local Stolo Nation. She is a community health nurse. Recently I have come to know her and she disclosed to me everything that she knows about the curse her grandfather's people invoked aginst the house and property. And then there is a third cousin of mine, also recently discovered, whom I met through Naomi. Her name is Cynthia. She would be somewhere in her fifties, I think, and she coordinates a help and shelter and protection centre for prostitutes and battered women. Lawrence seems quiet and reflective at this moment. Then he says, "Not Cynthia from the Safe Women Collective, by any chance?" "That is her. Do you know her?" "Cynthia happens to be my aunt...