The Peacock 1556

What did Chuck have to say?" "That he's prepared to hire all of us. He wants the whole kit and kaboodle and was also asking about our providing housing and shelter for some of the homeless." "That would be a huge step. Do you reckon he's thinking of the house you just bought?" "We could buy another one. But we already have an ace up our sleeve." "Being..." "The mansion." "You don't say."

1555

"Tell me all about your day today, Carl." "That was my first visit to St Jude's." "Really?" "For some reason, with all our involvement with Father Griffin, it would be easy to assume that we had been there to visit a good number of times, I guess." "How did you like it." "It was sublime. The high mass is fascinating, and beautiful, and deeply, deeply spiritusl." "More's the pity that no one there seems interested in living the same reality." "Oh, I imagine there might be one or two..."

The Peacock 1554

"He should have been out of there days ago." "Why didn't you tell me days ago." "I only found out just a few minutes ago." "Me too", i reply. "What do you think must have happened?" "I can't imagine this kind of balls up without help." "You mean from Lindstrom and company." "Precisely. Does Erik know you're on your way?" "Yeah, I just told him on Skype. It's going to be crowded with Erik tonight." Carl starts marking on his phone. "Hey, George. yeah. We're bringing Chris' friend Erik back with us tonight. Would it be an imposition to ask you and jeffrey to move into the condo downtown this same evening? Thanks, really appreciate it. Thanks for understanding."

1553

"There he is", announces Carl heartily as I try to run past everyone to the front door. "Hey, where you going?" "I'm getting Erik out of the hotel." "I'll come with you." Before I can refuse, he has already beat me to the front door and now stands waiting for me by the passenger door of my car. "What about the others" "They're all in good hands", he says, climbing in and slamming the door...

The Peacock 1552

I am searching on my phone for more specific information about the covid quarantines. For some reason fourteen days in a hotel room has seemed to me to be excessive and unrealistic. And here it is. Three days. No more. And my friend has been there since Tuesday, or five days. Something is horribly wrong here. "Erik, I just pulled this information from the internet. you were supposed to leave your hotel two days ago. Why are you still there? "I was told it was for fourteen days." "By whom?" He gives me a blank and very troubled stare. "I don't know. I don't know what happened." "Never mind. I'm driving out right now to get you. Make sure you're all packed..."

The Peacock 1551

It must get very claustrophobic." "It's the security guards. They're posted here all day and all night. I'm not even allowed to open my door. They might as well have put me in jail." "What's the food like?" "About that I have no complaints. Three squares a day, plus morning and afternoon snacks which I save for bedtime. I'm going to get fat here." "How's the TV" "I've been watching movies on Netflix. I came across some vintage Marx Brothers. It's hard to believe they were made ninety years ago Those guys were insane....

The Peacock 1550

"How's it going?" "He doesn't answer at first. I decided to cold call him on Skype. He doesn't seem too bad, kind of po faced, which is unusual because, Nordic Swede that he is Erik must have one of the most totally expressive faces I have ever known. "I just spent the last half hour sitting quietly in my room, staring out the window at the sky. it hasnt been so bad this time." "Are you still reading a lot." "I don't have the attention span today. I can't even watch TV or look at my phone or laptop. I just want to sit and be quiet. It is an unusually quiet hotel. From time to time I hear people in the hall. There are i think two other covid prisoners on my floor, but I can't be sure. Of course, we are not permitted to leave our rooms to mingle...

The Peacock 1549

Well, I do mind. I am not ready to entertain Chuck again as a house guest, nor will I ever be ready. But I am not going to turn him out either. God seems to have thrown us in each other's paths, and he was a hostage of the Kid Jesus on his island for fifteen years. I think I hear him having a conversation with Jesús. Something about Colombia. Now a text from Erik. "Where the fuck are you" I will call him first, since he is the one with the greatest need. Then I will go out and face the music...

The Peacock 1548

i seem to have just been pulled awake. It's almost five. I have been sleeping for an hour and a half. Voices. Carl. George. Francois. And now a decidedly Australian accent. It could only be Chuck. What is he doing here? Yes, my phone. It's on now. Three trexts by Carl. Chuck has taken us to see his office. Chuck has joined us for a quick visit to the condo. hope that's okay. Sorry i didn't ask you. We've invited Chuck home for dinner. Didn't think you'd mind...

The Peacock 1547

"I'm going to go lie down for a while What are you going to do, Jesús?" "I stay here and play game on my phone. There is message from my mom. She wants me to go on Skype with her later. That okay?" "You don't need my permission to talk to your own mother." "Thank you." "For what?" "Everything. You are a very good friend." "i should be up in an hour or two." I still haven't turned on my phone. I'm not going to. I am surprised they are still out, but that's quite okay with me. I rather like being here in the house alone with Jesús...

The Peacock 1546

The plateful of cheese and breton crackers sits on the table between us, like an intermediary presence. We really haven't a lot left to say. He has just told me about his childhood in Bogotá, the legacy of trauma from the warring drug cartels in his childhood neighbourhood. And now I know why I have been so attracted to jesús. We re both traumatized. It is like a little lightbulb coming on between us. We have also been talking about my childhood memory of my mother´s fiery death in that carcrash where she nearly killed me. I would imagine that my Mexican mother also bonds Jesús and I with a shared sense of Latino heritage. I am surprised that the others have not returned home yet, but I have also turned off my phone and am intentionally refusing to check for messages...

The Peacock 1545

"I want you to be my friend. I don't have any more friends. All gone now. I have just you and the people in your house. I am very alone." "I want very much to be your friend, Jesús." I almost add stuff about respect and boundaries, but someone, probably the Holy Spirit, has just put a gag over my mouth. Or maybe Aaron while he is writing this all down. We are arriving home. Chuck's van is not in the driveway, so I am assuming that we will be in the house alone for a while. It is already three. I recall a quote from Sartre, that three in the afternoon is too early to finish something and too late to start something. Not that I have read a lot of the existentialist philosopher, and I have to admit that I read it on the sandwich board sign on the sidewalk on south Granville, just outside a trendy café. I really want to take a nap. I am tired right now. Then I will go on Skype with Erik. And Jesús? I imagine we'll have a snack together first and hang out in the kitchen...

The Peacock 1544

Jesús says nothing. "We had a brief fling. Three times, no more." He doesn't answer. "He just took Carl, Francois, George,Jeffrey, Jason and Lazarus out for lunch. Do you know where they saw him? At church. Church downtown, St Judes, the place where you met Father Griffin. Chuck is Australian and he moved back here and now works with homeless people and street addicts and wants me to work with him. I only saw him again early last week, he's a lot older now, I think almost sixty, and still seems to..." Jesús still doesn't answer. "what do you want from me..."

The Peacock 1543

"why were you taking me there?" No answer. "Jesús, listen, if you are going to stay with us, if you are going to be part of this community, then perhaps we should agree on some ground rules." Still no answer. And I am feeling rather stupid becase I didn't know we had any ground rules. I could say that sexual and emotional manipultion are out of the question, but how far can anyone go to enforce that. "What do we do when we are home?" "I don't know yet. But, hey, Jesús, can I tell you something about me and Wreck beach. Please." "Tell me please." I went there twenty-five years ago. I was not yet twenty. I met someone there...his name is Chuck...

The Peacock 1542

"Where do we go?" says Jesús. "Home." "why not stay on beach?" "You already know why. Have you been there before?" He doesn't answer, but obediently is walking home with me. "Jesús, have you been to Wreck Beach before?" Still no answer. "What did you do there?" "I met people. knew men." "How many times were you there?" "A few times..."

The Peacock 1541

"we are not going one single step further". I am almost yelling. Now I am breaking this spell, this curse that seems to have enveloped both of us, and I take the first step going up the trail, and the second. Jesús, defeated, slowly lags behind but he is following me just the same. "We are not going there Jesús. We are going home." Without one single further word between us we both trudge up the stairs. This is the Grand Staircase, and on our left there is a huge wooded embankmant full of ferns. We are both bagged from the climb of over three hundred steps once we reach the top.

The Peacock 1540

With his eyes Jesus gives him a quck once over, a slightly toned down version of the undressing eyeballs of the Anglican priest who didn't seem to miss one single detail of him following morning eucharist. Now the first gun tower is in sight. One of two built during the Second World War to keep the Japanese Navy from landing on our shore. "You've been here before." He doesn't answer. "Jesús, why have you brought me here." He doesn't seem to hear me. He appears driven by some unseen hand pushing us both, and now here is the first trail, the grand staircase going up, and I am about to take it. He stops and glares at me...

The Peacock 1539

Here we are crossing Marine Drive, and now Jesús has taken the lead. I want to coax him to turn right towards Spanish Banks but he is resolutely taking me in the opposite direction. This can only mean one thing. Still not talking we are on the narrow trail between the beaches, then crossing over rocks, some driftwood, a stream running down from the overhead forest, and now across more rocks and onto the sand, and there, lying on his back in the sun, leaving nothing to the imagination, a fully naked young man, slender, snoozing in the open air...

The Peacock 1538

Here we are back in the part of the forest where we started. But we do not seem to be heading in the direction of the house but further on, to Chancellor Boulevard, and now we are crossing into the forest where I was hiking the other day with Carl and Francois. Jesús and I have hardly exchanged a word with each other since setting out, and it is as though we are being driven in a particular direction...

The Peacock 1537

"How are you feeling?" I ask Jesús. "Good. Much better. Thank you for taking me with you today." "What else would you like to do?" "Walk some more_" "Where would you like to go." "More forest. There is more?" "We could hike around on the other side of University Boulevard if you want. it's across from the church, where we walked erlier."

The Peacock 1536

"Hi Erik." "Where are you right now." "Jesús and I are in a café in a housing area on campus, near the forest. It is very quiet here and we appear to be the only customers." "Were you in the woods?" "we went on a hike, just after church. There is an Anglican church just by the forest here." "How was church." "Not great. Covid msking and distancing didn't help, plus the priest is a creep. He was undressing my friend with his eyes." "Jealous? Of the priest or my friend?" "I dunno. Both?" "Neither." "Wanna go on Skype later?" "What time?" "Anytime you're back. i'm not going anywhere."

The Peacock 1535

This is amazing. The coffee shop is quiet and we appear to be the only customers right now. There used to be a pool table right where we are sitting, and the ambience was dark with lots of wood paneling, rather reminiscent of an old Engish pub. Then it fell into new hands, the new Korean owners decided on somethng light, bright and with more seating. There are eight messages on my phone. Five from Carl, one from Jeffrey, two from Erik. From Carl, "Where the hell are you guys". Then, "Just as well that you didn't join us. Covid masking and distancing does not a church service make." Then, "Your friend Chuck has invited us for lunch at a local Chinese restaurant." Then, "Where the hell are you guys. Then, "We are all crowded together in the living room of your condo. Hope you don't mind but George and Jeffrey might want to live here." Then, from Jeffrey, "We love it. When can we move in," From Erik..."Can you phone me. I'm bored...bored...BORED!!!!!!!!!!!!" then, "Just woke up from another nap. Reading the CS Lewis science fiction.

The Peacock 1534

"Did he ever touch you?" "No, never. I listened to Manuel's warning and never joined with altar boys. But the priest did like to look at me lots. I was thirteen, and priest was handsome, but I knew to stay away from him. Manuel told his parents, who did not believe him, and for punishment made him meet with priest and them both, and priest denied everything. Manuel refused to back down, and his parents left him alone about it, but I think others in church knew so they made this priest leave soon after..." "The guy we just saw at St Anselem's was pretty bad." "Gross. Disgusting man. Should not be trusted with boys."

The Peacock 1533

"There was one in our church where I was child in Bogotá. he was young. And he loved boys. He always had near him boys. He always picked the prettiest boys to serve at altar. No one said or did anything. But one boy, Manuel, was my friend. The Father had just asked me to join, and then after church, Manuel took me for a long walk. he said don't be stupid. That man was pervert. He tried to touch Manuel, who hit him in the face and told father that if he ever did that again to him or anyone else he would tell on him. Manuel was older, fourteen, big for his age and already spoke with deep voice, and strong, so father was afraid of him. Don't know what happened but next year we had new priest...

The Peacock 1532

We haven't spoken in at least three miles of walking in this forest. I don't think Jesús is offended with me, but he does seem to be thinking. "If we walk back past where we started we should arrive at a coffee shop in a half hour." "Okay." "What's on your mind?" Two joggers, a young man and woman, both ridiculously athletic-looking have just nearly collided with us. Most annoying but I don't want to start anything so as always I keep my mouth shut and seeth with resentment. But it is busy here today... "You are right about Catholic priests. I think some are good. But not all...

The Peacock 1531

"What did you think lf the church service", say I to Jesús. The fresh green of the new leaves almost hurts my eyes it is so beautifully intense. "Boring. Very boring." "What did you think of the priest." "Why is that man a priest. He is so...so... disgusting." "He seemed to really like you." "He like me too much. Disgusting man. He should not be a priest." "Oh come on, you have even worse pigs than that in the Catholic Church." He doesn't answer and soon we are in the deep forest

The Peacock 1529

Neither Jesús nor I have bothered to go up for communion. The whole protocle with masks, social distancing and sanitizing the hands has rendered public worship practically unworkable. Plus, the stuffed shirt liturgical drag queen did absolutely nothing to inspire us. At the door on the way out he did want to detain Jesús with mindless small talk, his eyes roving up and down him like a manic zamboni on an ice rink. Now we are in the forest...

The Peacock 1529

But only on principle. Given the poor selection among queer men and women for suitable clergy, is it any wonder that this mistake stuffed into a gold and white chasible is now permitted to bore us about his private life. a verging on obese, pompous stuffed shirt. Dad must be rolling in his grave. Fortunately it isn't a long sermon. And we have gotten now through the new modern and mercifully brief version of the creed, followed by the prayers of the people. Everyone is still wearing masks, and seated at least six feet away from one anohter, and the prayers of the people appears to be dominated by covid.

The Peacock 1528

There are perhaps thirty present in this A frame church built to hold maybe just over a hundred. Mostly older, reasonably well off, mostly but not exclusively white poeple. We arrived ten minutes late. Now we are standing as an elderly but youthful and athletic looking lady of seventy or so reads from Mark's Gospel about Jesus walking on the water. O you of little faith. The minister, approaching forty, swishes to the microphone to deliver the sermon, rather like a drag queen in his gold and white vestments, and makimg some sort of allusion between the power of faith when we are faced with challenges and the difficulties of finding a compatible same sex partner on the internet...If this is typical of the new progressive all inclusive queer clergy, then I am afraid that Dad was probably right about his position against same sex marriage, though I still refuse to agree with him...

The Peacock 1527

We have agreed to walk. We should arrive in less than half an hour. There is a shortcut through the forest, but really with the way the trails wind this could be more of a detour. It doesn't matter. Jesús is clearly enjoying the forest as he stops to look at things, to take in a certain clump of swordferns, and the salmonberries now ripening on the bushes. We have echanged hardly a word since leaving the house and I like this, because the best friendships are founded and clothed in silence...

The Peacock 1526

I open the door slightly. he seems to be just waking up. "Jesús? "Good morning", he says smiling. "Come to church with me this mornng?" "Where?" "It isn't far. we could walk or drive, but the service starts in an hour and a half." "What time now?" "It's nine." "Who else is up?" "Just me. Go have a shower and come join me for breakfast...