1745

"I did say thank you, yes, I did say thank you", and he sounds like a little boy pleased to know that he has finally mastered a difficult lesson. "I have never before heard you speak those words, Caspar", she says tenderly. "This is the first time", he says, "The first time ever. Well the second time.", and he starts to laugh as though he has never ever  laughed before.  And it is the innocent, boisterous and unrestrained laughter of a happy child. As Lawrence returns with Caspar's cappuccino, he says, "What is this, is everyone suddenly on happy pills?"  For Caspar's joy is contagious and we are all sharing in his mirth. "Famous last words coming from a mental health professional", quips Carl. "Caspar just said "thank you", beams Stella, as though bragging about her own little child. "First time, ever, well second time, because this morning I said thank you to Carl when he gave me a glass of water.", says Caspar, still unable to contain his mirth. "Where are you from, Caspar",  says Lawrence, fixing his eyes on him as he samples his cappuccino. "India.  This drink is delicious.  Thank you so much", and he bursts out again in innocent laughter.  "Oh, those words, thank you, they feel so good, so good to say.  What did you say it's called." "Cappuccino.  Don't they serve it in india?" "I was there such a very long time ago.  And I remember so little.  Thank you, Lawrence, this is so lovely..." "Where else have you lived?"  says Lawrence.  "Mostly Sweden.  For a while in England." "That's why you have an accent.  I hear a bit of Swedish and English when you speak.  Not sure about Indian. "It was so long ago." "How long exactly?" "Long enough for Casper to have gotten into a sizable amount of trouble", interrupts Stella. "How do you two know each other?" He was stepfather to my twin sibling and I.  Mostly my brother, but we also spent summers together in England..."

1743

Lawrence has returned with a takeout cup of coffee in his hand that he places on the table. "that was a close one", he says, glancing at his now half finished cappuccino. "You have Caspar to thank for this", says Stella. "He noticed Zaheed looking at your unattended beverage, and then started drinking it in order to cover your ass for you." "Thank you so much, Caspar", he says. "Please, you don't have to finish it, you dont need my germs, especially during covid. Here let me get you a new one." "Caspar, for the first time smiles. And his face is lighting up in a way that I can only describe as sublimely beautiful. "Thank you, Lawrence. That is so kind of you." The first words he has spoken since we left New Westminster today.

1742

Lawrence has suddenly stopped laughing, and now he is staring at a middle aged South Asian man with a shaved head. He is at the serving counter, flirting very ostentatiously with the the young woman barista. "Oh my God, talk about timing", he mutters under his breath. "Who is that", say I. "My adorable boss", he hisses. "Fortunately, I have to pee, and if I move fast enough, I can get to the can without being noticed." He makes his exit from the table, but, too late. His boss has cornered him and they appear to be having rather an animated conversation. Lawrence makes a quick escape and now, take out cup in hand, his boss makes his way to our table. His face is painted with a big shit-eating smile, and he comes straight toward me, his hand outstretched. "You must be Christopher", he says, standing over the table between Carl and Erik. "And who might you be", says Stella, her voice a compromise between a purr and a growl. "My name is Zaheed", he says in the booming over confident voice of a Youtube self-help guru. "And I am the new team lead." "Pleased to meet you", I reply. Apparently not noticing Lawrence's barely begun cappuccino holding vigil over his empty chair. Suddenly, his eye seems to catch the betraying beverage, then Caspar, who ordered nothing, suddenly reaches for Lawrence's cappuccino and takes from it a hearty draught. And now Lawrence's boss is really noticing. "Anytime you need support from us, always feel free to reach out, Christopher", he says, the smile again pasted all over him. Very glad to meet you", and without so much as even noticing any of my companions, Zaheed the boss walks out of the café, bearing his takeout coffee like a faltering torch...

1751

"It is hard for me to imagine Hans Vanderkamp actually paying to get spanked", says Lawrence. "Oh, his kind are the most typical cases for anything kinky. They especially love being dominated, and punished. The higher and more prestigious in society, the more twisted and kinky. And they love it." "It is hard for me to visualize." "For which you should thank your lucky stars darling, otherwise you will be carrying that image in your head for the rest of your life, and trust me when I say this, there is nothing at all pretty about it." "How did you get into sex work" says Lawrence. "It is rather a long and tiresome story, but I got my start in Copenhagen." "But where else?" says Erik, giggling. "Words spoken by an true Swede", say I. And now Lawrence cannot appear to stop his convulsive laughing.

1740

"Are we still having a therapeutic appointment" say I. "That would depend on whose therapy we are referring to", reples Lawrence. "Do you feel that you have said everything you need to for now" "I would say so. Yes." "Your turn", says Stella, fixing on Lawrence a most impaling gaze. He stammers a bit, and wriggles in his seat, adjusting his shirt collar as though to keep it from falling off his torso. He is wearing a pale lime green golf shirt, that rather becomes him. And faded black jeans, rather a darkish slate colour. "That was a nice job you did on my colleague, Hans." "Think nothing of it, dear", says Stella. "He had it coming." "The guy's a pompous blowhard. Seems to think that being from Europe he knows everything and the rest of us are dumb amateurs." "Which is why", she says with care and precision, "He used to come to me for his weekly spanking.

1739

As in the Waves coffeeshop in New West, here there is also an abundance of comfy chairs, belying the similarly sterile, office worker lack of ambience. But it is a place to sit in and the coffee is rather decent, plus with everyone on their laptops here it is easy to enjoy quiet conversation with friends. We are just starting on our Americanos and lattes when Lawrence walks in. He places his order at the counter, then swoops down to fill an empty chair between me and Stella. I ask, "Do they know at the team that you are currently fraternizing with one of your clients." "They know nothing, and should any of those nosy parkers try anything, Carl and I are cousins, so this is a family arrangement. There is nothing they can do." "You are most welcome", says Carl, smiling. "Yes, thank you indeed."

1738

"I would like to know more, but they are monitoring this meeting, and I will have to justify whatever extra time this is going to take. Listen, I am about to sign off for the day, for the next several weeks, actually, because I am about to go on vacation. There is a coffee shop across the street and one block left from here on Broadway. Waves. Do you know it?" "We were sitting in a Waves this morning in new West", say I, "When we were talking on the phone." "I'll need about fifteen minutes to finish up the paperwork, then I can join you there in less than half an hour..."

1737

I am suddenly giggling nervously. Uncontrollably. "What's up", says Lawrence. "At least, Carl and I are also both asexual. So, I don't think we'll have much of a wedding night to get nervous about." "Too true", says Carl, "Too true." "And to think you used to be a hooker", mutters Stella, dismissively but clearly with affection. "Just in case I haven't mentioned it already, Lawrence. Your newfound cousin also happens to be a retired ho." "Now that is really interesting."

1736

"I know this. And I love you very deeply Carl." "I am in love with you." "For me it's too soon to say. But yes, I do love you, Carl, and I really really enjoy being with you. But we have only known each other for two weeks." "That is very wise of you, Christopher", says Lawrence. "What do you think, cousin Carl. Are you prepared to wait and be patient." "Of course I am. And of course, I dont really nkow what to expect either...

1735

"So far, anyway", quips Carl. "Oh, just wait till we get home", I retort, and people again are laughing."As Christopher's support here at the team, I do need to know how each one of you fits into his life, if you don't mind me asking.  Carl, who is now my cousin, how long have you two known each other." "Two weeks to the very day." "And I imagine you two have become very close in such a short time." "Too close", say I.  "I don't get a lot of breathing room." To me, Lawrence says, "Would you call your friendship codependent." "Extremely. We really like each other.  I would say we love each other, and Carl has helped me in so many ways.  But I find him very needy and clingy."  "What do you say to that, Carl?" "I'm afraid he's speaking the truth", he answers solemnly. "Christopher, what would help you the most in this situation?" "Two days a week, two full days, away from each other." "Carl?" Sighing, he says, "I concur.  The thing is, I'm in love with you Chris."

1734

"We are actually moving our operations here and to a house in New Westminster", says Stella, pronouncing Westminster with the delicate care of one who has spent plenty of time in the old Westminster In London. "And you are also part of this community", says Lawrence. "I daresay I am." To me Lawrence says, "How do you feel about going back on medications." "No", say I very roundly.  "No way.  Not at all.  Not in the least." "I think we can respect your decision." "Like as if I am going to give you a choice." "Well, there is such a thing as extended leave, but there is nothing in your record or chart, or in how you present today that would suggest even remotely that you could be a risk to yourself or to others."

1733

Just in the last couple of weeks.  I mentioned that when I arrived at the retreat centre I experienced temporary amnesia, and then had a full and traumatic recall of my mother's death when she tried to kill both of us in a car crash.  I was pulled out in time, but she died in the flames." "That must have been awful  What happened after?" "Well, my father raised me.  He never remarried.  He was an Anglican priest and very dedicated to his calling both as a priest and as my father." "You must have been very close." "We were.  his death has hit me really hard and it did send me into a sort of tailspin." "Yes, we have it on your record here.  That was when you began seeing us." "That's right." "And you say you're feeling better." "Much better.  I think Carl's friendship, and others in his community have done a tremendous lot to help me. "And it is very kind of you, Carl", says Lawrence to him, "To come all the way down here to show support for your new friend like this." "There is a bit more to the story than that", says Carl.

1732

"How has your emotional state been since you stopped taking the medication." "For a while it was very erratic.  I was afraid I might be bipolar." Quips Carl, "I'd rather be bi than polar." While we are all laughing or snickering, Lawrence says, "And I happen to be both.." "That must be interesting.", says Stella. "If you don't mind the TMI, or too much information, I am both bisexual and bipolar.  But this is your time, Christopher." "Well, I don't think I 'm either.  I think I'm asexual, though I also like men." "When did you notice your mood beginning to stabilize?"

1731

"Yes, but how can you tell the difference." "A few years ago, after my closest friend, Kenny, died by alleged suicide.  He began to visit me, as though in a vision.  He told me where I could find a journal he had been writing up till the time of his death.  I otherwise, would never have known about it.  So, I looked in the place where he told me, which was in a secret compartment in what used to be his bedroom (he lived with my family for a number of years).  I brought it with me to Carl's retreat centre, where we and another friend spent several evenings reading it together." Lawrence is poker face but I can tell by his eyes that he is deeply intrigued by all this.  "That is very interesting." "And just two years ago, while I was at work--I'm a palliative care nurse--I had a vision of my father.  He was dressed all in white and was shining and radiant with joy.  I knew something was up, so I booked off early, and came straight home to find him dead at the kitchen table from a heart attack."

1730

"First of all, there is no record of any refills or renewals of your prescription for risperidone.  I have here that your last refill was on August 8 of last year.  Has the pandemic been affecting your ability to access services" "I simply didn't want to take it any longer." "Side effects?" "Brain fog.  Plus, I didn't feel myself.  I was getting dull and cranky.  And I also lost my ability to see and hear." "See and hear?" "Visions, I believe from God.  Not hallucinations.  I have had hallucinations in the past and those are quite different." "Different, how?" The hallucinations were both monotonous and terrifying.  I thought a devil was following me, but even the risperidone wasn't enough to get rid of it.  So, I quit taking it when the prescription ran out in November.  I've never felt better." "And the visions?" "They came  back.  But I always feel God's presence in the visions."

1729

Which makes you and I fourth cousins", says Carl. "That is does. But Christopher, please forgive me for not paying more attention to you right now." "Oh, that's quite all alright, we're used to Carl and his unique talent for sucking all the oxygen out of the room." "I love you too Chris." "We know that already." "Excuse me if I am overstepping", says Lawrence, "But are you two partners?" "We don't sleep together", if that's what you are really asking", say I, "but I would call us very close." Carl is nodding. "I would like to ask you some questions about medications, but are you comfortble with talking about this in front of everyone here?" "Can't hurt."

1728

"what sort of evidence do you have?" I can tell already that Carl and Lawrence like each other, both are relaxed and smiling in each other's presence. "It's anecdotal, but better than nothing. Recently I have come to know two different relatives I didn't know that I had, both from my father's side. There is a half-sister, Naomi, whom my father fathered with an indigenous woman with the local Stolo Nation. She is a community health nurse. Recently I have come to know her and she disclosed to me everything that she knows about the curse her grandfather's people invoked aginst the house and property. And then there is a third cousin of mine, also recently discovered, whom I met through Naomi. Her name is Cynthia. She would be somewhere in her fifties, I think, and she coordinates a help and shelter and protection centre for prostitutes and battered women. Lawrence seems quiet and reflective at this moment. Then he says, "Not Cynthia from the Safe Women Collective, by any chance?" "That is her. Do you know her?" "Cynthia happens to be my aunt...

1727

"Is that your first experience of memory loss?" "Yes." "The house and property appear to be haunted or possessed", says Carl. Other visitors have had a similar experience upon arriving there." "Haunted or possessed", says Lawrence. "That is very interesting." "The place was built by my great grandfather from Holland just before the First World War. He made his fortune on silver mines in indonesia, and he and his outfit committed some very egregious crimes aginst humanity while they were there, so that one of the wise women, the mother of the indigenous girl my great grandfather had raped and impregnated there invoked a curse on him and all his future endeavouors." "And of course, you believe that that was carried onto the house itself." "Precisely. Plus, because it was built on unceded land belonging to the Stolo Nation, another curse was added ."

1726

"Where do you fit in with all this", Lawrence asks me. "I first met Carl two weeks ago. He runs a retreat centre with his sister in the mountains above the Fraser valley. A priest from church recomended that I go there for some rest. I mean... what exctly would you like to know?" "Are you comfortable with talking in front of everyone here?" I am thinking that with Carl and Erik, yes, very comfortable. Not sure about Stella and ditto her friend Caspar, who has not said one single word, nor made any effort to participate. Except for not having a phone in his hand he would appear to be exactly like any scowling and miserable fourteen year old boy. Except that Caspar is not fourteen. "When I arrived at the house, it is a huge rambling mansion in the middle of the forest, I lost my memory for seversl hours and couldn't remember my name, nor much else. Then during dinner, we were served a flambé dessert and the fire triggered a childhood memory that I had long suppressed of when I was with my mother as she died in a fiery car crash. I was four at the time. Later that night, Carl helped me recover my name and sense of identity."

1725

"You worked as a professional dominatrix", says Lawrence, unphased, but already it seems to me that this guy is not easily flummoxed or embarrassed. "That among other things. I was also sheltering and taking care of this one", she says, gesturing towards Carl. "That was more than twenty years ago", says Carl. I also remember Hans, the psychiatrist, as one of Stella's frequent flyers. He looks a lot older now. When did he move to Canada." "Just after your mommy rescued you from my clutches", says Stella, again smiling mischievously. "It turns out that one of his patients in Amsterdam had clued into his, shall we say, recreational activities, and was just on the verge of publicly exposing him. Well, like any upstanding member of the Dutch bourgeoisie, our good Doctor Vanderkamp was not about to put his life, reputation and career up for ransom because of a little bit of scandal, plus, after I turned down his proposal of marriage, he did seem rather pathetically enthusiastic about saving his marriage and family.

1724

He examines each passport, carefully, often looking back at Stella, as though to check and compare the photo images. Then he says, "How am I to know that these are not fakes?" "Well, just look at how the paper has aged on some of them", she says. "And how am I to know if that is you in all the photos. Could anyone here be your mother, grandmother...great grand mother?" "Except for one little detail", she says, showing him the left side of her face. Her forefinger moves to a curious little black mark, like a mole, shaped like teardrop. "Look carefully at each passport photo...Okay, what do you see?" "It is the same mark. And you mean to tell me that that is you, in every one of these photos, and that you haven't aged one single bit in almost ninety years." "Nor have I aged one single day since the last time I had your distinguished colleague over my knee in my house by the canal in Amsterdam more than twenty years ago, spanking the shit out of his flabby white ass..."

1723

Such as?" I already like this new case manager of mine, Lawrence, but he is a mental health professional and therefore it is going to take a while, perhaps a good long while for him to earn my trust. "You mentined some things on the phone today, that I have to admit that I find bizarre and outlandish." "Oh, about his ex-hooker transwomasn friend Stella who is over a hundred years old", says Stella. "And for that reason we have come here with Christopher", and now she hands over to Lawrence her little stack of passports to view at his pleasure.

1722

Hans Vanderkamp has left the room, gently closing the door behind him. And now the rest of us are simply too gobsmacked to say anything. Carl and Erik are both nervously scrolling on their phones. Stella and I have exchanged glances and Caspar remains completely encased in himself, almost as though he is not present with us here. "I suppose I owe everyone an explanaton", says Stella. "I remember him", says Carl. "And given how he was looking at you", says Stella, "I am sure the feeling is mutual." "Before you go on", says Lawrence, "There are some things, Christopher, that I was wondering if you could eplain or at least confirm for me."

1721

I have not missed the murderous glance that Hans has cast on his young colleague, Lawrence, whom already I like, and am looking forward to working with him. Right now we are all silent, and now I am getting a better sense of this Dr. Vanderkamp. Suddenly he gets up. He is tall and thin, and must be nearing seventy. He is bald, with glasses and a hooked nose on a thin face with very thin almost no lips. "Christopher", he says, "It was nice to meet you. I hope you don't mind if I have you transferred to a different psychiatrist. I don't believe there is much I can do for you, given the circumstances...

1720

He even asked me to marry him. Can you imagine? He would get a divorce from his wife, Cornelia and leave the kids, they have two daughters, Gisela and Wilhelmena, and how are your wife and kids these days, Hans. She hasn't kicked you out I trust." "They are still married to each other", says Lawrence, "At least that's the idea I had when he introduced us at the office Christmas party a few months ago."

1719

Turning to Stella, Hans Vanderkamp says, "And what did you say your name is, again?" She calmly produces her phone and in a quiet voice says, "Have a good listen to this, you insolent piece of shit." After hearing their entire conversation from my car today being played back to him, Hans VanderKamp says, "isn't it amazing what they can do with artificial intelligence now." Lawrence intervenes and says, "Except for one little detail, Dr. Vanderkamp. I heard that entire conversation as you were having it with her from your office." "Eavesdropping." "For lack of a better word, that's exactly what I was doing. And, I imagine, Stella, that you have, shall we say, a history with my esteemed colleague." "Until I retired from being a hooker in Amsterdam twenty years ago, Dr, Vanderkamp used to come to me every week for spankings and more."

1718

I can hear her saying to him, "Listen, there is no time to argue about this and they are waiting to see you." She returns to reception and beckons us all to come in and join them. "This cannot be done", says Hans the Dutch psychiatrist, now almost apopleptic, and with aplomb Stella leads us to an empty meeting room where we all enter and sit down at the long table. "And where is the case manager?" "Right here", says a spritely young man of not much more than thirty, a smile lighting his nimble and rather handsome face. The psychiatrist looks at him, appealing. "it's okay, Hans, they are all here to support Chris." "But are they his family?" "We'd might as well be", says Carl. "And what does Christopher say?" "If they leave, I leave."

1717

No sooner have we come into the small waiting area than Stella marches to the front desk, opens the door, and while walking in past the horrified receptionist, who indeed is the same old bat that used to sneer at all the patients all the time, and she snarls. "Hey, you can't just walk in here like that." "Yes I can and where is..Oh, there you are Hans, yes we can all see you right away." "And who might you be?" "Stella James, your old Dutch canal flame..."

1716

We have all grown silent, since who is going to find a ready answer for that? We are almost there. Suddenly Stella asks me for the phone number of the mental health team. I pull over onto Tenth avenue, and there is a space to stop. I hand her my phone and she marks the number on her own mobile. "I'm putting it on speaker phone for everyone to hear our full conversation, and I am also recording the conversation for posterity..." "West Side Mental Health Team", says the receptionist. Her voice sounds very familiar. "Hello, I would like to speak to Dr Hans Vanderkamp, please" "Whom shall I say is calling?"...."Stella James. Hello Hans, is that you?" yes, says a male voice with a heavy Dutch accent. And who could this be please. "It's me, your old pal Stella, that's right dear, THAT Stella. How about a nice hard spanking?" Stella, is that really you? It must be almost twenty years since I last saw you. Where are you. "I am here in your lovely city of Vancouver." And now she is chortling malevolently. Are you living here? Stella, it's been so long. "I got here a week ago." We have to meet for drinks. Are you busy this evening. It might have to wait a while, I am here on business." you're setting up shop here? "Other business. I'm no longer spanking bums for a living. Listen, I know you are busy, but I would just like to warn you that I will be accompanying your client Christopher Jones during his meeting with you and his case worker in the next five minutes or so." How do you happen to know one of our clients. "Long story, dear, but we can explain to you everything in just a few minutes." Are you with him right now. "I am right here with him in his car." We do have to see him unaccompanied, you know..."that's alright dear, we can discuss everything when we arrive..."

1715

The drive to the mental health team is full of opinions, comments and questions about prostitution, the sex trade, and what should be done about the johns. Caspar alone remains silent, and Stella has been invoking her own version of moral imperative for irradicting all the johns from the face of the earth. "But mercifully", she says, "They should never be killed or tortured, nor even punished. But reeducated. They must all be reeducated, every last one of themn, because those pathetic excuses for men are but the outward manifestation of what is truly wrong and broken about your humanity. Okay, since I happen to be a half-breed, OUR humanity." But how are we going to catch all of them", says Erik. "That alone would be a monumental, and next to inpossible undertaking." "Our agents are everywhere", says Stella. "Please explain", says Carl. "The Millionth Council." Say I, "What exctly is the Millionth Council" "We happen to be but one of billions upon billions of angelical hierarchies across all the universes ever created by our Maker and Sustainer..."