I recently re-affirmed my commitment to the Anglican Church, just over a month ago. I now have mixed feelings about this but it's done and now I have to live with the consequences of this decision. I never felt fully Anglican from my confirmation thirty-three years ago, and this still has not changed. Now I have just finished reading the book given me by the Bishop on the occasion of my re-affirmation, titled "This Anglican Church of Ours" (how's that for twee?), by Patricia Bays.
Reading this book has confirmed to me that not only am I not really Anglican: I never will be Anglican. I still feel like a squatter in this denomination but you know something? I have felt this way everywhere in church, regardless of denomination. I am accepting that Anglicanism, for me anyway, is likely the least of all evils.
First of all, in my reading of her book, I find Patricia Bays to be rather twee. She almost seems to live inside her own twee little bubble. How else can I explain someone who stubbornly insists that humans are naturally good? In which case, why did Jesus have to come and die for us?
I am under the impression that Ms. Bays has led rather a privileged and sheltered life and has almost never been confronted with the many rude surprises that convince us lesser mortals that there is a God and we are not Him? If Ms. Bays really wants to make a convincing argument that we are all essentially good then maybe she might have a chat with a few surviving Holocaust survivors, maybe some survivors of rape, incest, child-abuse, attempted murder, betrayal, family breakdown, bullying, social isolation, war crimes...Oh, I could go on but I think I am already making my point.
This is not to negate any of the good that has been done in the world. However, rather than suggest a middle way, with nuance and balance, she simply dismisses Christians who don't necessarily agree with her as adhering to a "dark theology" that casts us all as sinners, and that they prefer to live isolated from the real world.
I have a couple of questions for Ms. Bays: 1. To whom, specifically is she referring? Baptists? Pentecostals? and 2. How many of these "dark theology" Christians has she taken the bother to become acquainted with?
I am proposing here a middle way. This actually came out during a recent conversation I had with a lady who belongs to the Mennonite Church and is involved with an evangelical missionary organization with which I am personally familiar. I also found that theologically we were speaking more or less the same language and this has seldom been my experience among Anglicans. We agreed that people mostly desire to do and be good and that this often gets distorted or interrupted by the corruption that is inherent in our sinful natures and broken humanity. I am sure that this kind of language would elicit from Ms. Bays a polite Anglican howl of twee outrage. No matter how accurately this describes our human condition.
We are not evil and we certainly are not totally depraved. Neither are we good, virtuous and holy. What we do provide is a rather distorted and fragmented portrait of what God intends for our humanity. Yes, the image and light of Christ remains in all of us. But so do a lot of other things. Ms. Bays doesn't appear to accept as necessary personal conversion but really this is for many as it has been for me a very essential step for moving closer to God and experiencing his forgiveness and love. I do not doubt that there are many authentic Christians in the Anglican Church who experience in their lives an unfolding revelation of God beginning with their baptism and/or confirmation. On the other hand I have known personally other Anglicans who came to experience conversion in addition to the sacraments offered by their church. For them the act of accepting Christ into their lives brought to life and empowered them to ratify their baptismal vows. I would also like to express here my own observation that the gradual conversion ploy can be used just as that, a ploy. Really none of us wants God to be in complete charge of our lives and it is easy, tempting and very dangerous to use this gradual conversion argument as a means of keeping God in His place, which is often safely distant so that we can still enjoy the illusion that we are the lords of our lives.
I agree with Ms. Bays about the centrality of the Incarnation and incarnational theology which affirms the goodness and the God-ness of all Creation (or, for those of you who prefer to name God "Evolution", okay, Evolution. Don't ask me what happened, I wasn't there!). I only wish that she would have also indicated as equally important the inherent teachings of Christ in the Gospels and especially his Passion, Resurrection, Ascension, and outpouring of the Holy Spirit. It is all a work of art and not one stroke is more or less significant than any of the others.
I am also not entirely comfortable with the idea that the church is the only way or means of grace and contact with God. I have long seen the church as an opportunity but never as obligation. Yes the church has the sacraments but I have come to see that every single facet of life is sacramental (and this is real Incarnational Theology), so really I do not have to attend a Eucharist to have a sacramental experience of God. This can occur while drinking orange juice, or sharing food with a friend, or better, with a stranger. God has never put on us the burden or obligation to have to attend a church service in order to experience his presence or receive his love and blessing. And there are times when church is the last place where that is going to happen. God is everywhere and his love frees us to meet him everywhere and in every circumstance of life.
Believing this then, why do I attend church, especially after all the grief I have been through in churches? It is really for the community and hopefully to build and develop friendships and maybe even a sense of family. Given how wrapped up in their own lives and twee little worlds many Anglicans tend to be this is rather a challenge but I have been blessed with such friendships and I do want to continue developing relationships with others around the Lord's Table.
But no one is going to chain me to it!
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