I am grateful for being assertive, which I basically have to be, all the time, for anything worthwhile to get done. This morning I went to the bank to get transcripts of my banking history since January for my housing providers. It is rent review time again and they need the information. My bank no longer mails me my monthly statements. I did not request that this service be discontinued. The teller was going to charge me ten dollars for the privilege and I told him why this wasn't fair given that I am on a low income, my housing providers need the information (I don't have a printer) and, as I already mentioned, I did not ask them to stop mailing me my statements. I was also quick to reassure him that I didn't have a problem with him, just with his bosses.
Then, when I went to the hospital lab for bloodwork I ended up helping a couple find the ticket dispenser for their turn (I had trouble finding it too) and then informed one of the nurses that the ticket dispenser needs to be made more visible.
I met a friend for lunch. The prices were much higher than expected and I said to the waitress that I was only having coffee because of the high prices. Then the receptionist for my endocrinologist phoned to tell me I would have to accept having to wait for the doctor for as long as need be during my upcoming appointment, as theirs is a "very busy clinic". I had already told her in a voice mail yesterday that I was only prepared to wait five minutes over the scheduled time as I have professional commitments that I have to meet and I cannot afford to miss work, otherwise I lose pay. She didn't seem to quite get it so I told her I am tired of this kind of treatment and I will have to discuss it with my GP before I decide whether to continue seeing the endocrinologist or not.
On the bus, on my way home from grocery shopping, as I was getting off, I politely but firmly informed the driver that I could have done without his whistling as it was very irritating. His response was rude and belligerent but I didn't stick around long enough to hear what he had to through at me, much less dignify his reply with a comment.
Now, I am sure that none of these displays of assertiveness are going to make me any new friends. People, for the most part, do not like being told when they are doing something that is wrong or annoying, especially when it is coming from a perceived social inferior. However, if like me, you are already in a marginalized position in society, you owe it to yourself to be assertive, if simply to guarantee your survival. You will get lots of blowback. You will be told that you're self-important, that you have an attitude problem, or that you have a lot of anger or you will be given a lot of nonsensical psychobabble, all with the purpose of putting you in your place, keeping you in your place, and leaving you there. Apparently only certain people merit respect? I do care to differ, Gentle Reader.
I have long believed that I cannot reasonably expect others to fight my battles for me. This has made me rather scrappy and at times formidable. It used to drain the bejesus out of me, all this struggle and resistance and defending myself. What's made it easier? I think that I don't take it so seriously as I used to. I treat it more like a game. I also try to remember that if I have to stand up to anyone, that it isn't the person I am standing up to but the underlying issue. I take care to never personalize things. Now and then, I'm successful. I try to be polite, respectful, direct and to the point. People don't always like it. I no longer care. Much to my surprise, learning to be assertive in a positive way, does not drain or weaken me. Rather, it makes me stronger.
No comments:
Post a Comment