Juan hasn't bathed in over a week and Ilhuitl has refused to sleep in the same room as him. I am unable to budget for an extra hotel room so they have to work it out. The Millionth Council has opened for me a special bank account with only enough funds for shared accommodations, and I have found that generosity is not one of their stellar qualities. Juan insists that soap and water are an invention of Saracen nonsense and he is a Spaniard and Spaniards shouldn't be expected to bathe. He also insists that bathing is bad for his health and will make him susceptible to a fatal illness. He has been the last five days an exceptional pain in the ass.
I have had to cut him off from his spending allowance. He blew everything in the bar downstairs, got outrageously drunk then became aggressive and ugly, telling three attractive Colombian women resplendent in their new cocktail dresses that since they are dressed like whores then whores they surely must be and offered one of them money in exchange for services in his hotel room. He is sure they must be Spanish women, since Colombia does not yet exist for him. My guess is that the three young ladies have done exceptionally well under the scalpel of the cosmetic surgeon and are now only too eager to show off the stunning results of their recent boob and butt jobs. Ilhuitl was with him, refusing to drink, as this was forbidden in his formation as a Mexica priest, and doing everything in his power to restrain him. They both had to be forcefully removed and again the manager was phoning me, threatening to expel them, or at least Juan. Then he got into a fight, with a trained martial arts fighter who had the presence of mind to do him no harm but to put him in a spectacularly effective choke hold until he capitulated.
I have just been up to their room. Ilhuitl and I almost had to bodily force him to undress and shower. He finally complied, after we both threatened to stand there in the bathroom with him and watch while he showered. That was enough to hit him in his delicate macho pride. He smells much better now, but I have to think of what I'm to do with him. He and Ilhuitl both are completely overwhelmed and chronically overstimulated. The agent from the Millionth Council has just given me his email contact. Here is what I've proposed:
If Juan and Ilhuitl were to be sent back to Tenochtitlan, Juan would finish chopping off Ilhuitl's head, just before an Aztec arrow pierced his throat. I have begged the Millionth Council for alternatives. Here is what we've agreed on: Juan, as adapting to the twenty-first century in Canada is completely unfeasible for him, will be sent back alone. He will be wounded, but not mortally, by a Mexica blade and will fall ill with a blood infection from which he will recover. While ill he will descend into a state of madness and total amnesia. They will send him back to Spain where he will recover some of his memory. He will find himself drawn close to God and will openly recant before his confessor all his involvement with the plunder and conquest of the New World, and then he will take holy orders with the Franciscan friars. After ten years, a bit older and wiser, he will return to Mexico to serve the Mexica in a very similar manner to that of Bartolome de las Casas. He will be a true and gentle and generous servant of the poor and dispossessed remnant of the once powerful Aztec, defending them against his fellow Spaniards who will eventually kill him. He will be a holy man, a Christ-like figure, and he will die a martyr.
Ilhuitl will stay here. I will adopt him as my son, but he will soon take ill with amnesia and mental health disturbances. He will be glad to stay here, in this land of the gods, the people of the great god Quetzalcoatl. He will become fascinated with both the Anglican and Catholic cathedrals and will find himself sitting for hours in these great churches, completely transfixed by the coloured images in the stain glass windows. I will eventually have to cede responsibility for him to the psychiatric profession, who are also my employers, but he will eventually recover and adapt within five years and live and work as a productive new Canadian. He will always be fascinated by the new, the unknown, the mysterious and many will find his presence a blessing.
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