Healing Trauma: Perspectives And Attitudes 22

No Fear. Remember those T shirts from the nineties? All the Gen X extreme sports jocks and associated wannabes seemed to be wearing them during the nineties, often peeking seductively from behind their plaid flannel shirts, that early seventies' look revived by their Grunge hero Kurt Cobain before he blew his head off in 1994. No Fear, as many of you know, is, or should I say, was, a marketing brand for recreational clothing and energy drinks. I never knew this when I first saw people wearing the T shirts. I found the message downright inspiring, actually, thinking as a Christian, that there is no fear in love for perfect love banishes all fear. But even before I figured out that it was simply branding, and that those gormless jocks were just making themselves into human billboards offering free advertising, there was something that didn't sit right with me. To me they were like frightened five year olds trying to make themselves look and feel all brave in the dark. Or it was like rambunctious tween boys yelling back and forth "I dare ya. I double dare ya. I double dog dare ya."(I don`t remember anyone, when I was a kid, using the words, "double dog dare ya." Probably an American interpolation. And that was so long ago, when large animals still roamed the earth!) I was still rather young myself. Getting into my late thirties I had my own issues of fear to reckon with. I always have. We were facing the twilight of a beautiful, if rather absurd , experiment in intentional Christian community. We had premised our ethos on not being afraid. We did often seem like those Gen X jocks wearing their No Fear T shirts, only we were older and maybe not quite so good-looking (as some of them, anyway!). We were determined to not live in fear, to the best of our ability, as a community of God's love. We all knew that that was the only way we could pull it off. We also knew that it wasn't simply a matter of feeling or looking brave. We had to be so full and so consumed with love, that we wouldn't have any room left in our hearts for fear. We had to be willing to become so taken over by love as to care not one little straw about our own safety or wellbeing. We were determined to live the life of Christ according to the Gospels, in the power of the Holy Spirit as we reached out to the unwanted, the marginalized and the lonely, and as we also challenged the lukewarm indifference of the churches, challenging them in deed and word. The consequences were huge, we sometimes put ourselves and one another in danger. Was it all worth it? Yes. We saw people's lives being touched and healed and the blessing to us was huge. We also fought and squabbled almost daily amongst ourselves. This was far from a perfect arrangement. But it was something. It was a start. We exhausted ourselves. And now, I have no clue where the others are. One, I know to be dead, the other two, I haven't seen or heard of in almost fifteen years. I think this can be done. We were rather reckless and there needs to be balance and discipline with a healthy emphasis on self-care. I am alone now, but I am determined, in my small way and imperfect interpretation to continue this work. I am saying no to fear by saying yes to love. That is the only way out, and that is the only way to truly conquer the black weltering Shadow that squats at the Gates to the New Jerusalem.