Healing Trauma: Perspectives And Attitudes 21

A lot of it is shit or get off the pot. But we are often paralyzed by fear, or by fight or flight. I think that fear would be the essence of the Shadow. I don't think that it's indifference that holds us back, but fear disguised as indifference. I wonder what would happen if we were to get past fear. Whether we have neurosis or psychosis it all comes from fear. No? It took me years before I started writing this blog. I was afraid: of having nothing worth saying, of saying it poorly, of writing badly, that no one would be interested, that I would make an ass of myself, or that I would betray myself, or all of the above. Fear is the essence of the Shadow. I think we must be born with this. We must be. It infected our DNA probably while our ancestors were just learning to walk upright. Maybe earlier. We have always had our huge push to survive: sabre tooth cats and cave bears and angry mastodons; lions and tigers; rocks, spears and arrows; bullets and bombs; online bullying and social media; Donald Trump. The world has never been a safe place. Everywhere we turn, there is risk and there is threat. A friend of mine was recently hit by a car, after coming from another country considerably less safe than our dear little Canada. Chances are that he is no longer going to feel safe here. Danger is everywhere. So is opportunity. And most of us blissfully walk through it all with our eyes closed. Or we become hyper-vigilant and need medication to cope. What makes it worse is how little we often feel we can trust others, even our family, even our closest friends. This Shadow, fear has spread its tentacles and has spread its vile, fetid vapours through every nook and cranny of our existence. We are the Shadow. We are the fear. I wonder if the dopamine hit that so many people get from their smart phones has to do with this need to escape from the scary reality that surrounds and inhabits us. We feel safe when distracted. We still go out every day. We have to. We have to work, study, shop, see people, get out of the confines of our small living space. But it seems that we are almost always negotiating the Shadow, Fear. I would like to propose an alternative. This is how I cope. I first assume that no one means to harm me. Even those whose behaviour is risky or just annoying: the smokers, idiots who jog on busy sidewalks, ride their bikes and skateboards on sidewalks, cars that blind you with their fog lights at midday when the sun is shining, rude dumbasses who push their way in front of you as though you don`t exist, yappy chatty Cathies who have to walk right behind me, people who talk loudly on their phones, everywhere. In this collective of undesirables I try to see humans. People who, despite the shadow, are essentially good, or want to be good. I try to greet strangers on the way. I try to make room for others, to make space if they want to visit and talk. Fear makes us very lonely. I decided sometime ago that I will spend the rest of my life defying this fear, reaching across the void to touch other lives. This is how we light the candles in the wilderness.