City Of God 21

I often get it wrong. Sometimes very wrong. Other times, I will calculate in advance the likely outcome, decide whether it's worth my effort or not, then, knowing the risks, walk into0 a bad situation anyway, do or say my bit and reap the consequences. The nasty confrontation with an aboriginal street women was a bit of both. This was in my neighbourhood, of course, because I live in a rundown and unsafe part of downtown Vancouver, near the Granville Bridge. I was on my way to a work assignment in the area and squatting at the northeast corner of Granville and Davie, there she was, asking for money. I said no and kept going, for several reasons: I suspected the money would be used for drugs, and I also don't wasn't people in the neighbourhood where I live to think of me as a resident cash cow. Not to mention, being myself on a low income, I have to live within a strict budget. Even if a lot of the people begging on the street have limited or no capacity for such things, it is easy to get annoyed and resentful at people who simply don't take care of themselves. It's easier if I know their story, but I am not able to in most cases, so I try to shut up and stop judging. This aboriginal woman started swearing at me and called me a homophobic slur. I walked back and told her firmly but politely, ":lease don't say things like that to people." She became almost violent. Swearing, calling me a fagot, spat at me (missed, thank heavens) then ran away, still in mid profanity-laden scream. I just smiled and said "thanks for leaving, because at that moment," I was only glad that she had left. Even though this woman merits compassion, I don't feel it towards her, for the way she lashed out at me. But I know and accept that she deserves more and better. I know nothing about her. She could be a mother, likely addicted, probably suffering from mental illness, and almost likely from fetal alcohol spectrum disorder and-or a brain injury. Childhood abuse? Very likely. I can only guess. Should I have just ignored her and moved on? Probably. But I decided not to for a couple of reasons. One is, I don't care who is saying it, I will not put up with homophobic slurs. Maybe she doesn't know better? Too bad. Time for her to learn. My other reason? One of our problems in relating well and effectively to people living with challenges is a tendency to patronize and talk down to them. Of cutting them so much slack for negative and destructive behaviour that we are no longer engaging with them as adults who merit respect but as children or idiots. This is where harm reduction becomes harm production. In my work with people who are living with mental illness and addictions I have found that the best way of engaging in a healthy and therapeutic rapport is in talking to them like they are adults, and placing on them the same expectations of adult behaviour. This has very rarely backfired. I understand and accept that that woman was not in a place where she was willing or able to engage as a responsible adult. I don't know what her day was like, but my guess is that if she is homeless, hungry and malnourished, sick, using drugs, and hurting from a history of abuse then there is no point in expecting anything from her. she shouldn't be out there. But there is such a lack of services and supports for people like her that they end up on the pavement, almost dying in public view, and it just gets uglier and uglier. Do I blame her for lashing out? no. In her position might I have done the same? Probably. Do I regret my actions? No. Would I do it differently in the future, or not at all? Could be. I need to develop more compassion, and this is how it's done. Small steps and false steps and missteps too. I really hope she finds the help that she needs. Unfortunately there is nothing that most of us can do for her unless we are already in positions to offer her the help she needs. But I am not going to feel sorry for her. She is an adult and I trust that she can make her own decisions, even if this means continuing on her current path of self-destruction. By robbing someone of their adulthood you are also denying their personhood. Do I forgive her for lashing out? I'm working on it. Do I forgive myself for what I said to her? Time will tell. There is also the race issue, me the big white settler-oppressor being mean to the exploited indigenous woman. Except, it didn't even occur to me till after that she might be aboriginal. And in terms of White Privilege, for very valid reasons that is a luxury cruise liner I never got to ride on. on some level I want to believe, and actually do believe that we are all in this together, and that in building the City of God we also have to be willing to interact and talk to one another. Even if things don't go as we'd like them to. There is no telling what kind of change even our smallest efforts might bring about in the long run, for ourselves, and for our world.