It's All Performance Art 7

I will be going to church this morning, as I usually do on Sundays. Well, always. For the last year and a half or so, anyway. I think only one Sunday have I missed and that's because I was down with a cold and didn't want to infect anyone. A number of the people there, as is often the case in church, quite elderly, and likely to be more vulnerable to infections. I help out a bit, sometimes with the Bible readings during the service, which is itself an honour. Today I will be reading the Gospel, which is a first for me, and an even greater honour, because for me, all of scripture hangs around the four Gospels, which is to say, the life and words and teachings of Jesus, just as all the law and the commandments of God hang around the two Great Commandments, that we love God and that we love one another. What does all this mean for me? It's still hard to say, but it feels right, as though my life is more ordered and better organized now. I can't really do a lot else around church, outside of Sundays, because I still have my beloved day job, and if I am going to continue working well with people living with mental and psychological distress, then I have to continue to curtail other activities, otherwise, burnout. And church doesn't pay the bills. I seem to be making friends at St. Faith's. And the priest and I generally get on, even though I sometimes have to kick her ass (and on occasion, she returns the favour), but that's the way it is in my relationship with Anglican clergy. I guess I'm hard on clergy because they have a huge responsibility as role models, and you might have read on some of these pages, my dear Gentle Reader, about Anglican clergy I have encountered who have been actually quite corrupt, venal, and scandalous. Lately, they seem better, some of them anyway, but I am still watching them carefully. I think this is also why I can't really enter a pastoral relationship with any of the Anglican clergy that I know. Their flaws are just too present for me, along with their general lack of real spiritual insight. For the same reason, I have given up on spiritual direction, since this a service they charge money for (which runs very contrary to the spirit of the Gospels), and really, why would I want to trust anyone who expects me to pay for their wisdom? But I'm okay. My opportunities are going to be limited, in the Anglican Church anyway, because if you are going to get anywhere in this hierarchy you have to have a good pastoral relationship with clergy and also have enough money to pay for a spiritual director. So, I will probably remain stranded in the nether regions, but that's okay. Right now I'm more interested in developing friendships with individuals and having good relationships all the way around.