The Peacock 256

 "Here's the next entry in his diary", I say, trying to hold both our attention because it is getting late and we are both tired. 

"March 21.  Spring equinox.  It has been raining off and on, but that hasn't stopped me from going in the woods.  I don't always bring Christopher with me.  He is busy with school, of course, but sometimes I just need to get away by myself.  It is incredibly beautiful here with the awakening spring, the awakening earth.  The flowers adorn like magenta and yellow stars the branches of the salmonberry, and other buds are swelling and turning green.  Ferns everywhere, sword ferns, deerferns, on the trunks of maple trees the licorice ferns.  The aboriginal people used to steam them with salmon in pits dug in the earth.  I am surprised they never caught on with the white settlers.  Salmonberries too, which are so delicious.  I like them better than raspberries, almost as much as blackberries.  I have tasted them, licorice ferns I mean, and they are delicious and yes they taste rather like licorice. I picked some and brought them home yesterday and steamed them for dinner.  Jim didn't seem to know what to make of them, but seemed to be most willing to choke them back out of sheer good manners.  Christopher likes them and has asked if he could come out with me to pick some more.  In a couple of days, yes.  Don't get me wrong.  I love being with him.  I consider him my closest friend.  He is my brother.  But here, in the forest, alone, I am complete.  I don't think of Kenny or Harriet or Cassandra, I don't think of high heels or peeing while standing, there is nothing masculine or feminine, male or female  I feel whole out here, and totally connected and totally absorbed in the glorious wholeness of this forest.  Here I lose me, and here is where I am found.  I simply never want to leave this place."

"That hardly sounds like a transvestite sex worker", says Carl.

"The forest always seemed to transform Kenny", and then I catch myself in a yawn.

"You and me both", says Carl.  "What time is it?"

"Almost twelve."

Carl pulls off his shirt, then his socks and his blue jeans, revealing a body like Michelangelo's David.  I try not to look, but I have to  He is truly beautiful. He is wearing navy blue jockey shorts,  but I take care to not look any further.  He pulls back the bedspread and blanket, then crawls in.

"I'm too bagged to move so I'm sleeping here tonight", he says.  Then he looks up at me with the look of an appealing little child.  "Tuck me in?"

I know his gesture and intention are totally innocent.  I can only comply.  I walk over slowly, adjust the bedclothes around him, and kiss him gently on the forehead as he smiles sleepily and closes his eyes.

"Good night, brother" he murmurs.

"Good night. Carl", I reply quietly, as I leave the room and close gently the door behind me.  I have forgotten Kenny's journal, but I can always get it in the morning...