This is all too much for me and now I have to get away. Yes, to the gardens for a solitary walk, but even farther beyond. I have my car back and I just might succumb to temptation and leave this place. I have never in my life had three days so completely immersed in the lives of other people. Now I seem to have moved from the land of the dead to the living. I have no idea when I'm returning to work. I am returning, I am sure of that. I have long known that my vocation is with the dying. This is going to be a very hard place to leave. Carl and I have bonded, brothers, more than brothers. And the others also beguile me. Aaron says he is an author and that he is writing us. Somehow that doesn't strike me as altogether implausible, and I seem to be looking into his world as much as he is looking into mine. How else could I explain being able to see his apartment in my mind, with those beautiful coloured cushions and the teal and golden Indian bedspread? I am living in a dreamscape, and perhaps I am waiting to wake up. My sense of reality has always been, at best, fragile, and I do fear another episode. At least I have my memory back.
I even could end up living here. Carl seems to expect it. And I could do a lot worse. I might even sublet my place to Erik when he comes and just stay here. But I also want to spend time with Erik. It's been ten years. Sarah seems interesting. I want to ask her more about her travels, especially her time in Australia And to get to know the other two women she came here with. And George and Jeff, a couple. Why should I find that surprising?
I do want to return to the diner. Maybe even tonight for coffee house, but I think we have already things here that need to be attended to. And I want to hang out with Carl again tonight, read some more of Kenny's diary.
It is nice having time alone here, and too late, because there, on one of the benches by the magnolia is Carol reading a book....
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