"How many people have you seen die?" asks Francois.
"After the first twenty I lost count. This is why I'm on leave."
"How did you cope?"
"I didn't. That's why I'm on leave. The pandemic came as a convenient excuse."
"I would imagine that with the pandemic", says Carl, "That your services would be in particularly high demand."
"To avoid contagian patients have been kept out of palliative care, leaving them to die in place." And now I know I have to change the subject because I can feel myself teetering on the edge.
"Are you okay with talking about this?" asks Carl.
"Not right now. It's all a bit much." And already, I can see again that recurring vision, day afer day as our people were dying off, a great brilliant green field or meadow shining like solid emerald in the dying sun, and the feeling that I was walking in that field with the dying patient. It is engulfing me and now I cannot function.
"Are you okay, Chris?" says Carl.
"Just give me a moment, please...
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