The Peacock 1927

Of course, as some of you well know, I am a disciple of our Lord Jesus Christ, here, our gracious and loving host.  You may wonder why I have written my  Lord as having the aspect of a sixteen year old youth.  That was not intentional.  In my earlier work of literary fiction, Thirteen Crucifixions, from time to time this same beautiful boy would appear in the novel.  I did not have a name for him, because I hadn't named him yet.  I simply didn't know.  But, Jesus, this has been you yourself appearing to me in the novel and so as I was in the early stages of the Peacock, it occurred to me that this was your true identity, something that you revealed to me, Lord, but how could I possibly write you this way, but then much later it occurred to me that your own disciples didn't recognize you after your resurrection not just because they were still in a state of unbelief, but that they were seeing you in a lovely, innocent,  and transfigured form. And so, Lord Jesus, this is your novel, and I have done my utmost to take my cues from you, and write you, not as we imagine nor as I imagine, but...as you yourself most truly are, gracious Lord. "But what about us?" says Carl.  "How did you do it?" "Jesus was introducing me to each one of you, and I only got to know each one of you gradually as I wrote.  That is also why I kept appearing in the novel, so we could actually come to know one another.  Every time I sit down to write, whatever next move or direction or plot device I might have in mind, it suddenly gets moved around.  I am not in the least in control of this project.  I seem to have tapped into a different or alternative reality here that is just gradually unfolding to me...