1984
All
Stephen really wanted was a moment of freedom. Margery, with her speech about
Bryan, had rescued him in the nick of time from yet another lecture from
Glen. Stephen sat there and took it,
like a little dog being scolded for peeing on the carpet. Glen would not have spoken that way to Tanya,
into whom Stephen would be transforming himself in less than two hours, before
knocking back a couple of mai tais at Burst Arteries, his favourite
sleazy gay disco. Then he, or she, would be standing on the street corner, the
skirt of her white cocktail dress fluttering in the cool April breeze. There was a gap in the traffic. He’d forgotten to pay for his coffee. Whatever.
He was almost run over by a fat woman in a black BMW. “Fucking fat-ass yuppie!” He flashed her his middle finger. In a corner store he bought a Mars bar, a bag
of sour cream and onion potato chips, and cigarettes. So easily he could have had Glen. He really shouldn’t have pushed so hard,
frightening the little virgin. Or
spinster, being what, almost thirty? Young
for his age, he looked younger than Stephen, except for those lines on his
forehead. He actually fell for Stephen’s
ploy, believing him to be homeless when he let him stay in his place. The timing worked out well, since Pierre was
busy entertaining that little Tyler twit, making Stephen indeed homeless. The
bachelor suite they shared together was tiny, and even though Pierre wasn’t shy
about fucking his new snack-boy’s brains out in front of Stephen, still, to
everything there is a limit. They quite
insisted that he was more than welcome to join them any time. “I will if you pay me first”, Stephen snarled
as he walked out into the rain.
He
had been stalking Glen. He just couldn’t
help it. He found him handsome and
gentle and nice and kind. And handsome. Nurturing without going overboard like Bryan
who was overwhelming and oppressive. But
Bryan was ugly, unlike Glen. And needy. But Pierre, who was gorgeous, was just as
needy and clingy as Bryan. But Glen made
him feel all mushy and delirious.
Stephen could never forgive anyone for making him love them. Not that Glen had put a gun to his head
saying, “Okay, from now on you’re in love with me, or it’s schnitzel
for you, Tootsie!” Stephen just couldn’t
help himself—for over a year he’d been trailing Glen, hunting him down,
stalking him. A Christian social worker and likely gay, and unlike Bryan, nice,
and kind and handsome. An easy touch. So Stephen provided Glen with someone to
help—himself. And he fell for it.
Staying
with Glen, for Stephen, had not been quite the heaven, or haven, he had
anticipated. There were rules. It was like living again in a group
home. Up at seven every fucking morning
because of Miss Glenda’s stupid day job.
When Glen showed an unexpected tendency for getting Stephen off the
couch in the mornings by yanking the blanket from him, he responded by going to
bed naked. Oh, the look on Glen’s face
upon discovering Stephen’s magnificent hard-on.
“He’s just happy to see you”, Stephen said with a smile on his
face. But trying to seduce Glen with his
big toe had been the ultimate mistake.
He should have known better. He
always ended up pushing things too far.
After that he couldn’t stay, so he bailed while Glen was out for a walk.
Glen
was worse than a wife, worse than a Jewish mother, in the Pitstop scolding
Stephen like that for taking off on him.
Yes mommy, no mommy, I’m taking my vitamins mommy, and I say my prayers
every night, mommy, down on my knees while giving fifty dollar blow jobs,
mommy—and yes, mommy, I’m still taking all my drugs like a good little
boy—coke, pills, mushrooms and meth, mommy, you name it mommy, right along with
my vegetables.
Stephen and Pierre had become like an old married couple. They couldn’t seem to get rid of each other
even if they wanted to. Tonight he
thought that maybe he’d leave Tanya in the closet and go to work as a boy. Working in drag did pose its hazards, even
for Stephen, who was equally convincing and alluring in either gender. There was that vicious jock who put him in
hospital last year. Stephen, as Tanya,
was giving him a blow-job in the back seat of his Chevy when the handsome
college boy asked him to stick his finger up his bum. Forgetting himself, since
Stephen was in seventh heaven at the time, he asked him in his deepest baritone voice if he’d like something else up there as well.
He nearly lost his spleen from the beating that followed. Stephen as
Tanya made a very convincing woman.
“Flawless.” Therefore he could
have his pick of gorgeous young heterosexual males paying him to do what he
most enjoyed doing. Some of them were
thrilled to learn that Tanya was also Stephen, though this had never really sat
well with him.
Pierre
wasn’t home yet. He’d be at the Pitstop
working till six. Tyler was gone,
leaving Pierre broken-hearted and in need of such comfort as Stephen alone
seemed able to give him, though this also meant having to suffer through his
clinginess. Stephen curled up on the
single comfy chair in the apartment where he lit himself a cigarette. The curtains were drawn. He enjoyed sitting in the dark. There wasn’t
much of a view. The window looked out onto the building next door. In the apartment directly across lived a
handsome trashy young guy who sometimes got naked and jerked off just for
Stephen and Pierre to see, presumably while his girlfriend was away. They had never really met, and whenever they saw
him on the street he would avert his eyes and keep walking. Though he still “entertained” them. Stephen did not feel like being entertained
tonight. He wasn’t in the mood. He didn’t
even bother to turn on the radio or TV.
He lost track of time, and after a while it dawned on him that he
was sitting alone in the silence. He didn’t care.
He was comfortable. He wasn’t
waiting for Pierre. Right now Stephen
didn’t really care about Pierre. He
didn’t care about anybody, or anything.
He reached for the TV remote and channel surfed, then turned it
off. Stripping naked he crawled onto the
unmade mattress that he shared with Pierre, pulled up the blankets, and fell promptly asleep.
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