On some days it doesn't seem to exist. Other days everyone and their dog and cat are spilling over with the milk of human (and canine and feline) kindness. What's going on here? I know that I cannot brag about being civil because I can sometimes be downright rude, curt and cross to people. I try not to. There were a few years when I simply could not shut up about the multiple sins of imperfect strangers. My bêtes noirs remain the same: cyclists on sidewalks, and skateboards and roller blades, smokers, off leash and aggressive dogs and chronic whistlers. Might I add screaming kids, or should I say, kids who utter those ultra-sonic squeals that peal paint from hulls of battleships and shatter glass.
The kids and their squealing I have always ignored. No matter how fragile my blessed eardrums and nerves I am not going to stop kids from being kids. In restaurants I have been known to tactfully ask less than competent parents to not let their darling little heirs run wild, and this is something I still do, hang the consequences. The key is, no matter how annoying I always try to be polite and kind, but also assertive. Otherwise I put my fingers in my ears while walking past the playground trying not to forget what a quiet little saint I must have been when I was small. Off leash dogs and their owners I now ignore. I had mentioned something in the past, particularly if it was a small dog on a busy sidewalk downtown at risk of being trampled or wandering out into traffic. But it was not worth the cost of being sworn at by arrogant owners not fit to have an animal, much less be allowed to wander unsupervised themselves, and have my day ruined by such unworthy little people.
Now I generally stay quiet about sidewalk offenders, except for certain variables: if the sidewalk is crowded with pedestrians and there are two or more cyclists, in which care I feel that I have an obligation to tell them as a good citizen. This also goes for people on skateboards and roller blades. Or in other exceptional circumstances such as the fellow today riding his bike through the gate and into the Skytrain station. Being a lot more selective about what I say to whom not only keeps me safe and could even extend my lifespan a little but it also gives me greater peace of mind since I no longer let myself fuss excessively over the many poorly raised dumbasses inhabiting our planet.
I did find myself being assertive yesterday to a young man who tried to sit in the armchair reserved for my client in a Starbucks. My meetings with my clients are confidential and sensitive, for which reason I really try to be sure of their comfort and wellbeing when we are out in the community. The young fellow, whom I also suspect of himself being not exactly well, took exception and regardless of my effort of being tactful and kind about it, he insisted that I was being rude and I had to work hard to not let things escalate. Essentially I treated him like a client, apologized profusely for the miscommunication and thanked him sincerely for his understanding and cooperation. Better than an escalation, a nasty scene and a scenario potentially traumatizing for my client, for me, and yes even for that maladjusted rude little douchebag who likely himself is also struggling with mental health issues and who knows what kind of pain he might be carrying.
As I have been taking greater care to express kindness, respect and warmth towards those I meet in passing I am finding that there really are a lot of good people in the world. People smile, say hi, sometimes stop to chat a bit, and on the bus might even open up a bit and tell me a bit about their lives. What? you say. In Vancouver? The least friendly city in Canada? But I am finding quite the opposite. People do tend to keep to themselves, either because they are under stress or very self absorbed (Thank you Apple, thank you Microsoft, thank you Mac, thank you Rogers, and Fido too) or they are simply afraid of strangers. But if you are gentle, respectful, and full of peace and good will yourself it is going to spill over. Try it sometime.
Today for example, I nearly walked into an older Asian man who clearly wasn't aware of my approach. Now he might be a bit hearing or vision impaired or perhaps lost in his own little world. I smiled and gently excused myself as I passed him and narrowly avoided a collision. He was a true gentleman and profusely apologized and I told him to please don't worry about it since I do the same thing all the time myself. For a brief second there was a sense of contact and friendship between two strangers who likely will not see each other again. Or maybe we will.
On the bus on the way home, one of the small community shuttle buses, a small scrawny old woman with a walker was loudly telling the driver to let her on. The driver did have to reposition the bus and go through a major rigmarole to get her onto the automatic lift at the back of the bus. The woman would not quit heckling and harassing the driver, yelling at her that she was soaking wet, she didn't care about her, and then berating her for not letting more people onto the bus. This went on and the driver turned up the radio to drown her out. The old lady loudly protested about that awful loud rock music. She turned it down. She still wouldn't shut up and the poor driver, comparing her to her rotten fourteen year old, had to struggle to not lose it. I and it seemed everyone else on the bus were all getting also annoyed with the old woman. Then I found myself silently referring to her as the mother-in-law from hell and nearly burst out laughing. I mentioned this to the lady sharing my seat and she burst out laughing, maybe because she has a mother-in-law like that. On my way off the bus I encouraged the driver telling her she was doing great and when I told her about the mother-in-law from hell she also smiled. By the time I reached the sidewalk I felt compassion not only for the driver and not just for my fellow passengers but also for the mother-in-law from hell who clearly was suffering greatly and I began to pray for her.
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