Deck the malls with plastic holly
falalalalalalalala
Seasonal consumer folly
falalalalalalalala
Drag we out our gay apparel
falalalalalalalala
Look, it's Robert dressed like Carol
falalalalalalalala
How do like my little Christmas carol, Gentle Reader? But for the tune and the falalalalalas it is my own special creation. Ah...Consumer mass. The festival of naked and unabashed and absolutely shameless overconsumption. This is the time of year when we pull out all stops and joyously morph into trailer trash versions of Donald Trump and the Kardashians rolling like fat happy little piggies in the rum and eggnog overindulgence of that most festive of holiday seasons. Over-buy, over-spend, overeat, over-consume. We are absolutely shameless in our consumerist gluttony.
Merry Consumer Mass!
Even Santa Claus is fat. How's that for a roll model (er, role model. How's that for Freudian spelling)? All those cookies? Maybe he'll be chowing down on reindeer steak when he gets home to the North Pole. Is that how he keeps Rudolph in line? So we've created this god of Yule, a fat bearded old man dressed in the most appalling taste and he is our de facto roll (there we go again!) model. Santa is fat, it's Christmas, let's eat. All the most fattening artery-clogging food that has ever been imagined. Do you know how much butter goes into a single batch of shortbread? I have been making shortbread cookies this month, Gentle Reader, and let me tell you that I am eating them faster than I can replace them and I am not exactly getting slimmer right now. I've eschewed eggnog this year, except perhaps for a one or two litre container that I will be buying for the big day, only. I used to drink it almost daily from Thanksgiving (I live in Canada and Turkey Day is celebrated in early October here) while happily chanting Bah Humbug! about warnings of elevated cholesterol and weight gain. I'm older now.
I am really glad to report that, barring some sleep difficulties, I am not hobbled by depression this year. I do have a place to go on Christmas Day (Yay Michel!!!!), though I am still working for two hours in the afternoon. It is amazing what a difference one friend who cares enough can make. Unlike my other "friends."
Here's the Urban Dictionary take on Consumermas:
The reorientation of Christmas from a celebration of the birth of Christ to an excuse to buy needless material objects in order to swell the pocketbooks of Chinese businessmen.
This little offering from the great Eartha Kitt:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jFMyF9fDKzE
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