We are angels and devils, simultaneously. A little more complex than the caricatured little red devil on one shoulder whispering evil temptations in your ear and the little gold and white angel on the other shoulder whispering urgings towards virtue into your other ear. I have a slightly different interpretation:
We all have the will, need and drive to survive, and to not only survive but to flourish and thrive. Oh, how poetic this all sounds. But underneath it all, we are all trying to get through our day and we often have obstacles. These obstacles often come in the form of other people. Because we are so fixated on our own little processes of self-actualization and this has become in itself such a quintessentially selfish kind of behaviour that we all coexist each living inside our own little bubble of self, and woe to anyone who dares to break our little bubble!
So, we end up living in a culture of entitlement and offence. Here are some of my worst case scenarios. A smoker is rapidly catching up to me on the sidewalk and soon is walking ahead of me leaving behind him a trail of toxic second-hand smoke for me to inhale and gag on. Fortunately it is generally only the young smokers that are able to outwalk me. By the time they reach my age, if their filthy habit hasn't already bumped them off they will either be trundling along with a cane, a walker, or, horrors!, on an electric scooter when they will be running over any pedestrian who gets in their way while sucking on the same cigarettes that put them there in the first place and, yes, leaving yet another lovely trail of second-hand smoke to get inside your face.
So there are two selfish parties here: me and the smoker. Me, because I am so obsessed with my delicate health that I couldn't care a rat's turd for the wellbeing of someone caught in a health-destroying addiction. The smoker, because instead of coming to terms with his self-destructive behaviour he simply exhales his poison wherever he wants, compromising the safety and health of any passerby unfortunate enough to inhale a toxic dose of his second-hand smoke.
Another pet peeve. People, almost always under thiry, who put their dirty boots up on cafe tables. I always have to restrain myself from telling them off. I simply don't, unless I happen to be using the same table, which hasn't yet occurred and I hope it never does, in which case I will likely just chicken out and move to another, preferibly private, table. Everyone knows that cafe staff in Vancouver establishments very rarely clean the tables. Equally that they're generally cowards and won't dare risk offending any of their precious regulars by simply asking them to keep their feet on the floor where they belong. Just as the ones putting their dirty sneakers up on the same tables have likely just been outside walking through mounds of dogshit while staring at their dear little smart phones. I have actually seen this happen. Their offence: their absolute lack of consideration of the impact of their self-perceived right to put their dirty feet wherever they please on the health, hygiene and mental wellbeing of others. My offence: assuming the absolute worst of someone that I don't even know and getting all delicate and fussy about my precious health. Though I would still opt to move to another table. Perhaps while considering that this person might be exhausted, a student up studying all night, or perhaps just a little sex hound who couldn't get enough from their best friend with benefits last night, or someone in a dismal funk, or just some entitled little prince or princess that thinks they own the world.
I could name many more examples here, Gentle Reader, but that is not the point of this particular blogpost. It behooves me, instead, to suggest that there is something inherently amiss with this kind of individualized bubble existence that keeps us all so divided and separate from one another.
It is of course easy to blame capitalism, and I happen to do this with relish (ketchup and mustard, too. And a little salsa?) But there is something seriously wrong in a world where everyone has to feel so completely isolated and on their own in order to get anything done in their lives. Like find a job, for instance. While there is much about the West that I love and admire, we really tend to take individualism to an extreme. People become increasingly isolated and lonely in their pursuit of success and happiness because I have to do it my way. We all say this to ourselves and this lie is perpetually reinforced throughout our lives. But I think there is a different way. There has to be.
Somehow, we need to get it through our heads and into our hearts that none of us rises alone. We all rise together. This is what makes kindness so important. It doesn't necessarily break our bubbles but extends them and connects us to one another. I only began to do well in my job search, for example, when I found a competent and compassionate employment counsellor who was there for me and offered me not only her support but her friendship. And this has really branded upon me the supreme importance of sharing the load. We are all in this together.
Two recent examples: Yesterday, on the bus, on the way home, the young lady seated next to me asked me if we were on the number 14. I wasn't sure, so I asked the people seated across from us and they said yes, this is the number 14. I smiled and said "Teamwork. Yes!" and they all smiled in agreement. Today in the grocery checkout the woman behind me thought the seal was broken on the can of coffee she had purchased, then I told her the coffee she was smelling was coming from my knapsack as I had just bought fresh ground beans from Bean Around the World. We had a friendly chat and I think the load was lightened for both of us.
We are in this together and we can use kindness to make this idea more real and effective, even through very small steps and gestures.
That's right, Gentle Reader. Kindness.
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