I often think of Jesus' famous words about being as gentle as doves but shrewder than serpents, especially when it comes to kindness. I think that often when people are trying to be kind after a lifetime of being selfish they are going to be taking a long series of faltering baby-steps. There are also those who have always been chronically kind, but seem to deliver their acts of compassion rather stupidly and clumsily. Face it, Gentle Reader, most of us are not accustomed to thinking much and we're often afraid of thinking.
I am also considering one of the very basic kindnesses or acts of courtesy that sometimes occur on the street. This is the benevolent pedestrian giving right of way to someone who is driving a vehicle. Generally there is nothing terribly wrong with this, outside of the doglike and servile passivity of the lowly pedestrian giving place to his betters, but when you look at it a little more carefully this is a gesture that could stand to be reconsidered. A couple of years ago, while one of my clients and I were just about to cross a busy street on a pedestrian walk signal, the Einstein just ahead of us waved to a car driver to turn on the crosswalk, making it unsafe for us and for other pedestrians. I mentioned to him that it was our right of way, not the driver's. He said that he wanted to do something kind. I suggested that he might next time consider the consequences for others when he wants to show kindness to a driver. He gave a hostile shrug and went his way. Most drivers, I have noticed, here in Vancouver anyway, are too decent to accept this kind of bait of kindness, knowing that as well as endangering others they are also breaking the law. I also like to consider that pedestrians, being more vulnerable, merit extra care and respect while negotiating traffic (not to mention the fact that we are not contributing to climate change and global warming by walking).
On the other hand it could also be argued that as an expression of kindness I might have kept my mouth shut and not spoiled for that guy what might have been a faltering baby step towards being less selfish. Or maybe he is already naturally kind and that's all that matters. There is also no way of knowing what kind of day the driver, who is also a human being, might be having and maybe was needing just one little act of kindness to keep from derailing the rest of his day. We often never know really what is going on in the lives of our dearest friends much of the time, much less those of complete strangers.
I do, on occasion, offer a driver the right of way, but under certain conditions. Never will I do this on a crosswalk or a walk signal, especially if there are other pedestrians present. If it's just to turn off an alley way, or something similar I will pause, look ahead and behind. If there are no other pedestrians nearby to be endangered or inconvenienced then I will wave the driver through.
This might strike some of you, Gentle Reader, as meticulously and obsessively conscientious, rather like a neurotic form of mindfulness, but I have had to learn the hard way that all our actions, benevolent or not, can have consequences for others, and not always good ones. I also concur that we can't always make carefully considered decisions on the fly and that we are always going to make mistakes. My over-cautiousness can also backfire, where I get so caught in a muddle about considering consequences of my actions that I become paralysed, nothing happens and I just hope we all come out of this unscathed.
It might be said that the greatest kindness could occur when we accept that none of us is perfect, we are all on a learning curve and maybe only occasionally are we going to get it right. But this doesn't excuse us from trying. We are always going to have to keep trying. Making mistakes. Learning from our mistakes. Trying again. Make new mistakes. Learn from those...
And try again.
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