Surviving The Fall, 13

The hardest thing, I find, about maintaining lasting relationships with others is that there seem to be so few people who are interested, motivated and committed to seeing things through over the long term, so corrupted we have become by this culture of convenience. This happens in families. It happened in my own family, and I ended up cast away by a father and brother who didn't love me (this happened after the death of my mother) as well as uncles aunts and cousins who simply couldn't give a shit. This has been for me a major motivating factor in trying to stick with people for the long run. It isn't to compensate for my lack of family but to try to create something healthy and stable as a bulwark against a death culture that values not persons but things that function to help generate wealth and diversion. I have heard others say that for them, if they decide they don't really enjoy someone's company, will simply bail on them, go their own way and make new friends, who likely will also outlive their best-before date and then on the go leaving others behind for the next diversion. These are not real relationships. This is pure consumerist selfish behaviour. This anti-communitarian behaviour and it falls right into the gaping maw of capitalism, because capitalism places zero value on anything but generating wealth and maintaining their brand. But human beings are not brands. And this isn't to say that you stick it out in an abusive or toxic relationship. Some things have to end for the life and safety of the vulnerable, some things need to be placed on hold, and some limbs become so gangrenous that they have to be amputated. I have a number of friendships that seem to be in suspended animation. They could restart in the future, and I try to remain open to this possibility, no matter how annoyed I get at the others' indifference or passive-aggressive contempt towards me. There are those who have said goodbye forever. This is sad, and must be respected, but as a Christian I am still committed to the friendships eventually renewing should they turn around and say, yes, let's try again. Much also depends on what quality or intensity of friendship can be reasonably sustained. I think it is possible to have perhaps a half dozen close friends, with a mutual commitment of sustaining the friendship and of being there for each other. But beyond a half dozen? I think it would be psychologically difficult and emotionally draining. But at least to stay open and to keep the doors open, always with the exception to those who pose a real and present danger to your life, safety, psychological wellbeing, which can also be used very broadly and loosely as a weapon of manipulation, so caveat emptor! For me, the current challenge is to not get bogged down in petty grudges, which can easily build up with some people, especially if they are particularly self-involved and apparently unwilling or unable to appreciate how their actions are affecting others. And there are many of us who are like that. I am sometimes guilty as charged. But my plea, my appeal, to all of you, my Gentle Reader, is this: that we really start to re-examine, reframe and reconsider friendship. Not as bromance or sisters for ever, but in terms of the long term good we need to become for each other and the community. No one is an island, and neither is any healthy friendship. We are all connected and we all affect and impact one another. Can we come to view friendship as a kind of healthy contagion. Yes, there will always be those who are closer, who are more trusted, who are worthier of our time and attention. But we need to expand beyond our personal borders, while doing our due diligence (pardon the alliteration!) to maintain firm and committed relationships with one another, outside of the usual bounds of family and romance, and by extension to draw others into the circle. Yes, we are busy, there are limits to our time and energy, but if we really value others as something more than their utility and our convenience and enjoyment, then we will also be able to make the necessary trade-offs to facilitate real, authentic community. We just might have to spend less time on our phones and laptops, but that is ersatz community. We need to learn again to value face to face contact in long term friendships and efforts towards community. If we re going to successfully resist this ongoing toxic tsunami of mass consumer capitalism, and the whole climate of fear and distrust that is being enabled by this mentality of individualism, then we are going to have to start trying a little bit harder. It's work, but trust me when I say this, because I have experience here: it is worth it.