Life As Performance Art 12

What has made a difference in my life is my tendency of facing things head on. I have always been like this, much more so now that I'm older, but even as a young man, it never seemed like an option for me to avoid or shirk responsibilities or duties or obligations. Some things I didn't do that well. because of my low income, I did go through periods of no phone service, for example, because I couldn't pay the bill. By the same token, sometimes my rent was late. But this was because of difficult circumstances. But on the whole, facing life as it is has always been a priority. I actually wonder if the failure of doing this, this failure to face truth, to confront unpleasant facts and realities, and to proactively address them, if this failure of action can be a main vector in facilitating mental illness. I imagine this does not exactly square with the harm reduction crowd, and that it does sound uncomfortably like right wing mouth-breathers that believe if every one takes personal responsibility then no one will be homeless, everyone will have food to eat and not only a roof over their head but a three to four bedroom house on God's Green Acre. Well, that isn't how it works either. It's one thing to decide to not coddle oneself or hide in one's own private cave from reality. It is quite another thing depriving others of basic services and needs because you don't believe they are trying hard enough. I do believe that accepting responsibility can be key to rehab, wellness and recovery. But that it isn't all that is needed. We are all in this together, and we need one another and by not accepting this, a lot of people end up getting nowhere fast. This is why I have come to reject the political and ideological binary of left and right. Each takes a certain truth and takes it to a ridiculous extreme, while getting pilloried for not seeing this. Facing stuff used to be very hard, often painful, always frightening. I kept doing it anyway, not just to get things done, especially stuff that no one else was going to do for me, but also for me to grow as a human being. When I think of the trajectory of the last two weeks, since preparing to return home from Costa Rica, I see that I have spent much of this time tackling unpleasant and difficult facts and realities. It started with having to fight that dumb busdriver for my baggage, refusing to let him wrest it from me, and certainly not letting him take it away from me. I had an early morning flight the next day and I was not in the mood for putting up with nonsense. On the way home, I had to face and sort through the unpleasant nonsense of navigating customs and border patrol at the Pearson International Airport. I still haven't filed a complaint, but that is soon coming. Then there was the flight to Vancouver with Mr. Testosterone poking me in the back from the seat behind, having to shut him up when he objected to my complaint, then explaining everything to the flight attendant to whom he complained after I cussed him out in Spanish and in English. She was sympathetic and helped me relocate to a better seat. Arriving home, I had the nonsense of addressing my building managers about my still unfixed toilet, not notifying me about the flood while I was away, etc. I also had to straighten out the mess and untie some knots with Canada Revenue, Telus and my bank. The day after, I had to negotiate the end of a toxic friendship, including getting back a work of original art from the idiot because he had disgraced our friendship. Then there was getting back to work, and having to deal openly, frankly and tactfully with colleagues and clients. It has all been very intense, I have faced every single challenge alone and unsupported. There remain some other issues pending that I am soon going to get around to, after a bit of a rest, and curiously, I feel fine, I am sleeping well and enjoying each day. For me, there seems to be something very tonic about facing and dealing with stuff. It makes me stronger, and more robust. And, I think, happier and more content. All for now, Gentle Reader.