The Peacock 86

 "So, here is his first entry. It´s dated September 29, 1995.  St. Michael's and All Angels."

"This is a very special day for me.  because it's the day of the angels.  I love the angels.  I often feel them with me, or nearby.  It's been an extraordinary kind of day.  I was all day in the shop, and we did a record for sales.  This sort of thing only happens leading up to Valentine's but for some reason today, everybody wants to buy flowers.  The gerberas and the coloured callas seem to be the biggest sellers today.  And I often feel just so overwhelmed by their beauty.  And sometimes, they are just flowers, and only flowers.  Plant genitalia. Maybe that's why we like to stick our noses in them.  Oh, I have such a filthy mind.  Oh, but I am one sick woman today.  Always happens when I'm having a great day.  Christopher wants me to try that new Thai restaurant with him tonight.  Why not?  Thai is great.  Spicy, sweet and exquisite.  Darling, just like a good blowjob.  Oh, Harriet!  Did I actually say that!  Did I just actually write that!  oh, Harriet, you are one sick woman today!

Days like this, I almost want to take Cassandra back out of the closet and try her on for one night.  Put on some make up, make a few, um, anatomical adjustments, arrange my hair just so and put on a snazzy little cocktail dress and, Harriet, we are ready to disco and party and...snort a couple of lines, and I don't think I like where we re going with all this.

Let´s see, I haven't used in almost ten years.  Still miss it at times.  It's the energy, the lift, the intense orgasmic ecstasy of a great coke high, and then we know just where that is going.  

Plus, there is that article Jim showed me a couple of years ago.   I still have it.  Folded up on top of my desk.  About the cocaine that was being grown under the watchful eye of violent paramilitaries in Colombia, of all countries, and how they also reap the profits from all the sales, and every time we are buying a little baggy full, guess whose pockets the money goes into.  Forty-one butchered campesinos later and oh how I hate you Jim for being so fucking righteous, and how I love you Jim for helping me find a conscience, and how I hate you, Jim for allowing me the torments of guilt, and how I love you Jim for the joy of repentance and turning again....

I think I hear Chris coming in the back door.  He always comes home through the back door, and always leaves through the front.  Still haven't figured it out.  Today was his first day waitering in that fancy new coffee shop on campus.  I want him to tell me all about it..."