The Peacock 89

 "Hello Christopher

It's been such a long time, I know, and I hope you've been well all this time.  I am coming to Vancouver next month to enter a post graduate program at UBC.  Yes, just like my big sister.  I will be writing my PhD in social work.  I am hoping we could get together for a meal or a craft beer.  I hear the craft beer is very good in Vancouver, almost legendary.  Please send me a text to tell me what you are up to.  Greta is married now and raising a kid, a son.  She named him Christopher.  Can you believe that?  He is four years old and really bright and full of energy.  She says hi.  Her husband, my brother in law is also in academia. He teaches psychology in the university.  They are living in Stockholm.

Hope to hear from you

all the best

Erik

I don't know if I am going to fall asleep now.  There are some things you shouldn't do just before going to bed, and I just did one of them.  I hope Carl doesn't mind if I sleep in past breakfast if I have to.  Erik I am not ready to see, but that is at least one month away.  And I can't ghost him either.  I should send him a reply, but not right away.  Maybe tomorrow, maybe next week, maybe next month.  Why does he want to see me?  Maybe to finish what we got started before they left?  Oh God I hope not, but I also feel almost paralyzed now by this fresh yearning for him.  This desire to have him lying close to me on top of the bed, to feel his heart beating while he is asleep in my arms.  And I don't want this either.  Why doesn't he just leave me alone?  Why didn't he pick some other university, some other city, some other country?  There aren't enough colleges in the US or in Europe for him?  He must really want to see me again.  And so the sweetness of bonding with my new friend Carl gets extirpated by anxious dread of the past just creeping in to visit for afternoon tea.  I had might as well just  crawl into bed and turn off the light.  First I should undress.  I haven't even brushed my teeth yet.  Details, details....

"Hi Erik. It is great to hear from you and I look forward to our visit.  I am away right now on retreat.  Here is my Skype if you want to connect in the next day or so..."