The Peacock 562

 "And this time we are going to respect his wishes and leave him be", says Sarah dryly.

"I am worried about him ", says Carl.

"So am I", says Jennifer, "But we have to let him go.  He is an adult..."

"Even if all evidence suggests otherwise", says George cheerily, "And I am not at all worried about him.  i am, as a matter of fact, glad to see the last of him  as I am sure are the rest of you, even if you be too kind to say it aloud."

And we are all collectively staring out the window, as Tristan waits underneath the canopy to shelter from the rain.  Soon a black sports utility vehicle pulls up, driven by a middle aged woman, presumably his mother.  Tristan approaches the truck, gets in, and off they go.

"Well, that happened pretty fast", says Michael.

"The Lord works in mysterious ways", says Matthew.

"And now he is in the care of his mama", says Jennifer.  "Which rather humanizes him, I would say."

"He has a mommy", says Carl.  "I think she will take good care of him."

"Judging how he's turned out so far, I do have my doubts", says Sarah, "About his mother's parenting skills, I mean.  Matthew, you know Tristan better than the rest of us.  any insight you would have to offer...?

The Peacock 561

 "How did they die?" asks Carl.

"They were off on a vacation in the Swiss Alps.  They were both on a boat that capsized and they both drowned.  End of story", says George.

"But foul play was suspected?" says Jennifer.

We have all more or less finished our food and we are on coffee and dessert right now.  Tommy is being incredibly generous with portions and free refills.  

"Even though their bodies were badly decomposed when they were found ten days later, there appeared to be bullet wounds", says Jeffery.

"Wait a minute, wait a minute", says Carl, "That was when, about fifteen years ago?"

"About that.  Yes", says George.

"A friend of mine in journalism class covered and wrote a series of articles about that incident.  I seem to recall that they suspected a murder suicide.  Those two priests, were they intimate with each other?"

"Oh, how delicate of you, Brother Carl.  I could almost walk over to where you are sitting and give you a big kiss on the mouth."

"Not while I'm watching", says Jeffery.

"Oh, you flirt!" says Carl.

Suddenly, Tristan, who has been looking at his phone all this time, looks up, glares at George, mutters the word, "Faggots'", scoops up his pack and marches out of the diner...

The Peacock 560

 "So, your families blackmailed the church?"

"Oh, Sarah", says George, "That is such a dirty, degraded sort of word, don't you think?  Let's just say that we all arrived at a kind of gentleman's agreement."

"You mean you guys settled out of court", says Michael.

"That too, dear Michael", says George, "That too."

"But what were those priests doing?" says Sarah.

"We'll give you three good guesses, Sarah", says Jeffery".

"And the first two don't count", says Aaron.

"It must have been absolutely disgraceful", says Sarah.

"Yeah, maybe", says Jeffery.  "But it got me my masters in history, and George's in English literature, so all's well that ends well."

"But what about the two priests?," says Jennifer.

"They're both dead", says George.

"How did that happen?"

"Long story.  And the investigation has only recently been re-opened", says Jeffery.

The Peacock 559

 "Jeffery and I both grew up in east Van, before it became gentrified, and everything was still pretty hardscrabble.  We lived near Trout Lake and we both went to St. Patrick's, the Catholic school in Mount Pleasant, and both our families attended the church there.  There were these two priests, and I'm not going to tell you their names, but let's just say they both took an extraordinary interest in both of us.  So, one day they presented us and our parents with the idea, because they needed their consent of course, to take us for a weekend to a certain Gulf Island, which will also go unnamed.  There was a bed and breakfast there, and we were in two rooms,  Jeffery and I were in one, and the two priests in the other."

"Was that when you both fell in love?" says Sarah

"No way!" says Jeffery, "We were teenagers.  We were two closeted straight boys making all kinds of homophobic remarks and jokes while secretly ogling any cute guy in tight jeans and a tank top that came our way.  Anyway, we are not going into a lot of detail, but we both saw something that we found quite, should I say, disturbing.  So, instead of participating, we told our parents, who talked to the priests, and threatened also to talk to the bishop unless they would do one little thing for us."

"Which was?" says Sarah.

"They would both have to use church funds in order to bankroll our university education, since both our dads and moms were working poor and just able to pay the mortgage and put food on the table and very little else.  They agreed to our little scheme, but only provided that we would get our post sec education in none other than the Seminary of Christ the King at the monastery across the valley, from where Carl rescued us a few short years ago.  And the rest, shall we say, is.. history?..."

The Peacock 558

 "So, what do you think, Hazel.", says George to Jeffery.  "Should I dignify their interest with a reply?" 

"Hazel?" says Sarah.

"My pet name", says Jeffery.

"Because she 's such a nutty old lady", says George, rather fey. 

"Trans?" says Sarah.

"Maybe trans Atlantic", says Jeffery.  "Or how about trans Pacific, for when you take me to Manila to meet some of your extended family"

"Hazel, I'm not even out to my own mom and dad in Canada, and you want me to take you to the Vatican, Southeast Asia Annex?"

"You mean you haven't explained us to them yet?"

"They think we're both still at the Abbey chanting Gregorian.  What about your folks?"

"About the same."

"So, there is a story", says Carl, chuckling.

"Oh, you handsome boy, we have only just begun", says George, with a flourish...

The Peacock 557

 "You must be pretty full by now", says Sarah.

"Well, you have seen many times over how I can put away food.  I'm on a seafood diet, you know", says George.  "I see food, and I eat it."

"I'm amazed that you never gain weight, and I have been watching you eat for the last three years", says Sarah.

"Because you are such a lovely cook, my dear."

"Flattery will get you anywhere...almost."  And now they are both laughing, Sarah and George.  They seem particularly warm with each other, like comfortable old friends.  

"So, you were telling us about the two priests you guys knew when your were altar boys.  Did they have anything to do with you're getting into seminary?"

"You can give the credit to both our parents", says Jeffery.  "When they found out, that is."

"When they found out what?" says Carl.

"Please", says George.  "For privileged ears only."

"Do you forget under whose roof you happen to be living?" says Carl with mock indignation.

"Oh, so now she's going to charge us rent, Hazel", says George very campily to his partner.  "Well, I never...!"

"Hazel?" dice Sarah.

"Because she's such a nutty old lady", says George.

The Peacock 556

 "Is there a story there?" says Carl

"More than we could care to tell", says Jeffery.

"So", says Carl, "Tell."

"Not in front of the children", says Jeffery.

"Is that where you guys met?" wonders Sarah, "At the monastery?"

"And, now, really," says George, "Not in front of the children."

"We did know each other from before.  We both attended the same parish church when we were teenagers," says Jeffrey.

"And, let's see", says Carl, "You were both altar boys."

"How did you ever guess", says George.

"Now, now, sarcasm will get you nowhere.  And let's see", says Carl, "There was a certain priest."

"There were two certain priests", says Jeffery rather tartly, "And for now, we are going no further with this."

"Look", says Sarah, "Jeffrey and George, "We will respect your privacy, but did those two priests have anything at all to do with both of you entering the monastery?"

"How very perspicacious of you, Sarah", says George.  "Would you like to finish my vegetarian stir fry?"

"I would love to.  It's just that you two have always been pretty secretive, and I was wondering if we could change that a little."

"Well", says George, "We could become even more secretive..."

The Peacock 555

 Tommy patiently and good naturedly takes our orders.  Some are having Chinese, others western fare, primarily any of the half dozen or so varieties of burgers served here.  And they are excellent, huge, well stacked and with whole wheat buns.  The cheese could be cheddar, Swiss, Blue or Brie, or Parmesan, or mix any two three or four varieties if you want.  I am settling for a veggie burger with blue and Brie cheeses, in abundance, and an extra portion of hand cut oven-baked fries.  I can't say that I'm especially hungry, but staying with these people has really summoned forth my inner glutton.  Tristan who is seated on my left, has opted for a burger with cheddar and a large coke.  Carl has been threatening to order beer, but cannot get around our collective disapprobation.  So, he settles for iced tea.  Jenn and Sarah are sharing platters of Chinese food with George, Jeffery, Matthew and François.  Jesús is tucking into a BLT with fries.  Carl is sharing his veggie burger and fries with Sarah in exchange for chow mein and sweet and sour pork, which she can't eat, being vegetarian.  Aaron is savouring a veggie burger with some variety of cheese and fries.

"The food here is just incredible", says Sarah between mouthfuls.

"We used to sneak here every chance we could get", says George, "When we were at the monastery."

"What?" says Jenn, "Were you guys forbidden to come here?"

"Generally, it was frowned upon", says Jeffrey, while balancing a large portion of Chinese cabbage with his chopsticks.

"They didn't want you guys getting corrupted by the godless world?" says Carl, smiling.

"Something like that", he replies.  "Actually, they didn't want anyone in the outside world to find out anything that was really going on behind closed monastery doors."

"What was going on there?" says Glen.

The Peacock 554

 We are all quietly studying the menus.  The rain is drumming against the large windows of the Sunrise Diner where we are all seated.  There is no music in the background, which leaves this feeling rather like studying in the school library.

"How about Chinese today?" says Sarah.

"My stomach is set on a burger and fries", says Michael.

"Oh, how very male of you", says Sarah.

"Now-now, children, let's all get along", says Carl.  "By the way, both of you, Michael and Sarah, what is it with you anyway?"

"Moi?" says Michael, theatrically. pointing to himself.

"Oh, just listen to the innocent voice of patriarchy", mutters Sarah, but it is clear that she cannot resist smiling.  Then to Carl she says, "We're actually tremendously fond of each other."

"Oh, don't start", Michael sputters, but he is also clearly enjoying this play  between them.

"We're really like brother and sister", she says.

"Well", mutters Michael, "Sister and sister."  And now Sarah is starting to giggle.

"We're really a lot like you and Melissa", she says.

"Now, really", says Carl, arching his eyebrows, "Don't you start!"  And now everyone is laughing.

The Peacock 553

 "I would like to say something", says Sarah, putting down her menu in front of her in a very decisive manner.  "Because Tristan assaulted Father Francois, I am very uncomfortable about him being in the house with us."

Francois and Tristan are seated, as though intentionally, at opposite ends of the extended table.  Only now do I notice that there is a distinct redness underneath Tristan's right eye, where Francois presumable punched him,  There is also a red mark over Francois´ left eye, but nothing too severe looking.

"He punched me", mutters Tristan.

"In self-defense", says Sarah.

"Um, Tristan", says Jenn in a low maternal voice, "Sarah and I heard the altercation between you.  And we heard all the words that you both said.  We heard Francois tell you to not hit him, after you had also spoken a racial slur to him, and then we heard you fall on the floor when he defended himself.

"So, what do you want me to do", he says.  "I left didn't I?"

"You couldn't apologize?" says Sarah.

Tristan resumes his focus on the menu, saying not a word.

"Tristan", says Francois, carefully.  "I know I hit you.  It was in self-defense, but I still injured you, and for this, please accept my apology.  Can you forgive me?"

Tristan does not look up at Francois, his eyes remain fastened to the menu.  This is going to be a very long luncheon...

The Peacock 552

 Tommy and Carlos have rearranged the tables in the centre, and now we have before us an extended communal table with twenty chairs.  Tommy stands in the middle, presumably smiling behind his blue hospital mask, which matches the masks we are all wearing, save for Tristan.  Tommy approaches him with a medical mask in a cellophane package.

"Huh?" he says, not accepting the gift.

"We all have to wear one, just until you are seated", says Tommy, in a generically friendly voice.

"Can I just sit down instead."

"I don't see why not."

Tristan pulls out a chair and sits down.

We all join him at the table.  

"The Lord will protect us from covid", says Tristan.

"Sorry kid", says Aaron, revealing a smile as he peals off his mask.  It's not in the contract."

"It says so in the Word of God", says Tristan testily.

Carl says, "It doesn't say that God is under any obligation.  Towards those who serve him, maybe, but it still isn't a promise.  Tristan, if you want to stay with us, then you re going to have to comply with our norms."

Tristan ignores us, picks up a menu, and studies it as though he is doing a homework assignment in the school library...

The Peacock 551

 Tristan at first seems to ignore us, then he hoists up his pack and approaches the car.

"Yeah?" he grumbles when Aaron rolls down the window.

"Where are you going?" he says, "can we give you a ride?"

He stands there and stares at us quite stupidly.  I get out of the car open the trunk.  "Throw in your pack and come with us for lunch, anyway."

"Where ya goin'?"

"To the diner up the highway.  Come and join us for lunch."  Jenn pushes open the door.  Without arguing, Tristan pitches his backpack in the trunk.  I slam it shut.  And he gets in the car next to Jenn.

He says nothing as I get in and restart the car, and on the way to the diner, there is only silence in the car.  No one seems to know what to say.

There is only one car parked by the diner.  Presumably it belongs to Tommy.  The others all had been waiting behind for us to figure out what to do with Tristan, and now each one pulls up as well in the driveway.  We all tumble out onto  the asphalt parking lot, like children on a school field trip: Carl's car, with Michael, Matthew, Aaron and Jesús; George, with his husband, Jeff and Francois, Lazarus, and Adam...

550

 We are a convoy of three cars.  I get to drive mine, Aaron is in the front seat, with Sarah and Jenn in the back.  Melissa, Glen, Maureen, Sheila and Matthew are staying behind.  But the rest of us will still provide the diner with some much needed business.  Plus, it gets us out of the house and off that weird piece of land for a while.

"You know", say I to Aaron, "This is normalizing."

"I heartily concur", says Jenn from the back seat.

"As do I", says Sarah.  "Especially after the religious hell we were all put through by Douglas and his little acolyte."

"Where do you suppose he's got to?" says Aaron.

"Tristan?" says Jenn.  "I believe his mother is expecting him in Abbotsford, so he won't have too far to go."  

"I somehow don't think we have seen the last of him", says Sarah.

It is now starting to rain and small raindrops are already starting to stream across the windshield, and now the wipers are doing their graceful and studious dance across the glass.

"Hey, speak of the devil", says Aaron suddenly.  "Chris, stop the car", and then I notice the lone figure hitch hiking by the side of the road.  It is Tristan...

The Peacock 549

Having said that, Carl produces his phone and texts a number.  He pauses, then says, "Hello, Tommy.  Yeah, it's Carl.  Listen, I was just in touch with the public health nurse, explained our situation, and she's given the go ahead.  If just us, every day, till the restrictions lift, then you will still do okay.  What do you think?..." He pauses, then says", I would say there would be close to twenty of us and we have five cars between us, so we could probably all converge on you today, and every day if you want... That's right, all full lunches.  And by the way, someone is coming tomorrow to give us all the jab, so we'll be extra safe...Okay, I'll tell them.  Later."  He puts down his phone.

"Okay, you guys, listen up", he says.  "Because we are all in the same bubble, and will not be having visitors for quite a while, except for maybe my dear mother, and if we are the only customers at the diner, then they will make allowance for us, but Tommy desperately needs the business, so we're going every day.  Yes, you too Mel..."

"No, I'm not coming", she says.  "There is plenty of work to do here, plus the food is good, and cheap."

"I should also like to stay behind with Melissa in order to give her some support", says Carol.

"Me too", says Maureen.

"I think I could alternate", says Sarah.  "how about you Jenn?"

"Yes", she says, "I like the idea.  Both ideas, I mean."

"I could also alternate", says Sheila.  "But I would like to get away from here sometimes."

"As would I" says Francois.

"Glen?" says Carl.

"I'm going to stay", he says, "I'm still not ready yet to go off premises.

"Nor I" says Matthew.

"I'll go", says Michael.  "How about you guys?" he asks Adam and Lazarus...

 

The Peacock 548

 "Speaking of mothers, Carl", says Sarah, "I understand your mom is coming for a visit"

"Next week", he says rolling his eyes.

"You must be looking forward to seeing her."

Melissa says, "Carl is terrified of mother."

"No I am not", he says.

"Yes you are, even just after she said she's coming you went and got drunk."

"That was not the reason."

"Oh yes it was", says Melissa, in the kind of sing song knowitall little girl kind of intonation that must truly have driven her brother crazy when they were kids.

"Or maybe you're just afraid that she is coming to try to set things in order", says Jennifer.

"That too", says Carl.  "And that three, and that four, and that five, six, seven, eight.."

"She says she wants to stay here this time", says Melissa.

"And just for saying that, my dear little sister", says Carl, "Today, I an getting drunk again, and you are all coming with me to the diner to partake of my little spectacle..."

The Peacock 547

 "Do you ever hear from your friends in Melbourne?" Carl says.

"Angela emails or texts me almost every day.   She got really worried about me when I moved in to this house and asked if she could keep in close contact, to encourage and support me.  And her emails have been lovely.  Funny, she has become for me almost a protective shroud.  I unfortunately don't respond that often to her, maybe once or twice a month, if that, but she seems to understand, and has assured me that her friendship remains a constant with us, and she really just wants to give me support.  Her messages are usually short, to the point, and often so full of grace and love and caring. "

She produces her phone.

"Here is a text I just got from her early this morning.  "hello Sarah, I am just finally going to bed after a super long day.  I can't believe we're in May already.  I have just moved into my new little apartment and it is lovely, and there is a park nearby, so there is something green to look at.  Rose has been a real darling helping me get settled and she is now sleeping on the couch because she felt too tired to go home.  She is a dear and she truly reminds me of you in so many ways,  And really, what better way to inaugurate a new home than have my own daughter sleep over the first night.  She sends her love.  You are much in my prayers today and I would imagine from what the Holy Spirit seems to be telling me that you are facing a few challenges right now.  Stand your ground with certain people in your house.  But also be prepared to learn something from them.  Your relationship must be symbiotic.  All for now, dear.  A hug.  Angela."

"She has a daughter", says Carl. 

"A family from her church co-raised her with her.  She is a lovely young woman.  She does outreach work with the local homeless."

"And Angela would be retired now?" says Carol.

"Yes, and it looks good on her..."

The Peacock 546

 One Sunday, Angela invited me to her church.  there was no excuse because Theresa and a part time worker had come in to give us Sundays off.  I figured out afterward that Angela had plotted this.  But it's all good. It was a little mission church in the really poor neighbourhood.  And there, I encountered Jesus.  It was that simple.  It was a very simple, informal kind of service, with hymns, a guy with a guitar, and around fifty people or so, all smiling, and friendly, and gentle and welcoming.  Oh, and an awful lot of them were aboriginals.  There was an altar call.  I went forward, knelt down, and weeping, I gave my heart and soul to Jesus.  I had never really prepared for this, but knew it was time, and that I was being called, and that's all that mattered. in fact, ever since that day, that is all that has mattered to me.  Six months later, I came home, got a job at the library downtown, where I met and became friends with Maureen and Jenn, and the rest, shall we say, is history."

"What was the high point of the service for you", say I.

"Everything.  But it was especially the minister, who was the guy with the guitar, and his message, a message of absolute and unconditional love, and that Jesus is still with us to walk with us through every valley, every difficulty, every trouble, and that he bears and shares everything with us"  And with his leading we sang this lovely little song:

"We'll walk hand in hand,

through this pilgrim land,

here we linger for a day,

but soon we'll leave this land of night

for that land so bright where my friend and I will stay."

And of course, that friend is Jesus..

The Peacock 545

 "Not to mention Officer Michael Crawley, whom I had to keep blowing for a while in order to stay out of jail, and only got rid of once, with the help of the editors of the Globe and Mail, I could successfully blackmail him into silence."

"But wasn't the sex consensual?"

"Huh?  He was sexually assaulting me."

"But how can one man sexually assault another?"

"And how can you be so incredibly stupid!"

"Rape is all about patriarchy.  Men dominating women, not other men", says Sarah.

"Patriarchy, shmatriarchy", says Carl.  "look, kiddo, I was in the biz for three years, and I know what can happen.  Why don't you just go crawl back under your little rock and hide there for another hundred years or so?"

"Carl", says Carol.  "That is quite enough.  you may be perfectly right, you and Michael both,  but there is no need to be a bully about it.  Sarah, dear, could you continue please with your story?  I trust the men have already had their say."

Sarah, rolling her eyes says, "Yes, the men must always have their say.  Now, where was I?"

The Peacock 544

 "I totally concur with Angela", says Carl, "And I know this because, as some of you here already know", I was also a hooker.  Not a male sex worker, Sarah.  I was a hooker.  A male ho.  And it was totally degrading.  I completely relate to what Angela said to you".

"You're sure full of surprises today Mr. Vancoevorden", says Matthew.

"But as a male sex worker", says Sarah, "You're experience would be different."

"And you know this because.." says Carl, defiant.

"The politics of patriarchy.  A man can't degrade and exploit another man the way he can a woman."

"Horse shit!" roars Carl.  "Pure and unadulterated horse shit!  And please get over your hatred of men."

"I don't hate men", she says, stammering a little.

"you have no idea what it's like Sarah", says Michael. " Not the slightest, foggiest idea. And as far as men not being able to degrade other men, have you ever heard of buck breaking.  No?  Shall I explain it to you?  Back in the days of slavery.  When a black slave was being defiant, some big white stud would come in and sodomize him in order to break his will, his soul and his spirit  It was very effective.  So, please spare us this politically correct garbage about patriarchy.  I for one am sick of hearing it."

"Okay", she says flatly.  "Now may I continue my story.  "And, please accept my apology, Carl.  I clearly haven't really thought these matters through.  And I didn't know about your experience.  I am really sorry that happened to you.."

The Peacock 543

 So, Angela and I became instant friends.  She and I shared duties, and she was a whizz at helping orient me to the hostel.  We usually visited and chatted, in the mornings, just after breakfast, before we started turning out the rooms, and then in the late afternoons, when most of the work was done.  How can I best describe her in a way that can draw respect, but not pity.  She had a kind of a regal presence.  She was quiet, but sometimes liked to talk, and seemed to have a very impressive field of knowledge, especially of world events, and happenings in Australia.  She was also on a couple of social justice committees, and just really knew her way around. 

One day, I very naively asked her if she ever considered returning to sex work.  Her first reply was, "How could I possibly ever dignify that with an answer!"  It turns out she was deeply religious, a Christian, and to her, "prostitution", as she called it, was one of the most degrading forms of work she could ever think of.  But isn't sex work just another form of work, I asked her   Then she really let me have it, between the eyes.

"I get so sick and tired of listening to you well meaning progressive politically correct types.  You really, none of you, seem to know your head from your ass, she said.  Offering up the most intimate part of yourself for the brief enjoyment of stranger men who care only to get their money's worth from your body and then leave you alone till next time, how could you even think of calling that legitimate work?  those men were pigs.  Every last one of them.  And here she really began to raise her voice and I began to fear a meltdown, but she seemed to quickly regain composure.

"Say you had a little girl of your own", she said.  "And what if one day, when you asked her what she wanted to be when she grew up, and she said, Mama, I want to be a whore.  "What would you say to your little girl?  Would you simply correct her and use the politically correct term sex worker...?

542

 Angela was somewhere in her fifties, rather short with light brown skin and frizzy grey black hair.  It turned out she was part Aboriginal.  She said that she lived there already for ten years, and that Theresa had basically rescued her from the street, from drug addiction and sex work."

"Is that the word that Angela used for it?" says Carl, and it is clear that he really wants to stir up mischief, "Sex work?"

"No, she used another word."

"What word did she use, Sarah", and Carl is clearly trying to stifle a giggle.

"Never mind!" she sputters, "Do you want to hear the story or don't you?"

"So she was a hooker", says Carl, laughing.

"Okay, whatever!  And don't interrupt again."

"Yes, ma'am."

"So, anyway", she says, flustered, but now starting to giggle, "So, anyway", and now she is laughing right out loud, "Just a minute, everyone, for this station break", she says, fighting to regain composure.  And now Carol is giggling, and Carl, and Aaron, and now I am starting to laugh, and now Michael, Matthew, Adam, Lazarus, and Jesús.  The others struggle to stay poker face, and Melissa just remains as flat and facially blank as ever...

The Peacock 541

 She was seated in one of the comfy chairs, nursing a cup of  coffee while flipping through a magazine.  I had just returned from helping a guest with the hot water, and feeling a little flustered, given that this same male guest was being very inappropriate.

"How inappropriate?" says Carl, still grinning.

"You don't really want to know."

"Now, Sarah", says Carol, "You have already put your foot in it, now you cannot disappoint us."

Sarah, already under the power of her crush on Carol, relents, and says, "He answered the door  naked.  I stood aside in the hall so I couldn't see him and asked if he needed a towel.  He replied that he had a towel, but just needed help with the hot water.  I told him that first he had to dress himself.  He said he didn't want to since he was already about to take a shower.  I thought of sending him a man, then realized that there were no men on duty that day.  He asked me if I was coming in, and I said, no, but asked him exactly what the problem, then told him how to position the tap.  I left before I could hear him close the door.  He was young, good looking I should imagine, but of course didn't appeal to me, plus he was one of the local homeless sheltering with us."

"As I took my seat behind the counter, Angela looked up and said, "I see you have just met Paul, one of our homeless guests."

"How did you know?" I asked.

"Long story", she said.  And she got up and brought me a cup of coffee with some toast and marmalade, very welcome, because I had skipped breakfast that morning..."

The Peacock 540

 Anyway, I was running short on funds so that Theresa, the owner, hired me to manage the place, which ended up consuming my life there.  It was a really interesting place, in downtown Melbourne.  It was many different places in one.  It was a travellers hostel, but also with private rooms and baths that seemed very boutique, and then humbler rooms and dorms with shared baths.  There were communal lounges, a coffee shop and a rather nice restaurant on the roof.  Some rooms, in one section, were even reserved for taking in the local homeless. Apparently Theresa had struck a deal with the local government that for a subsidy and a stipend she could easily shelter up to ten local homeless.  One of them became a long term tenant, and she also worked there as chamber maid.  

I would like to tell you a bit about Angela, if I may, particularly given what a pivotal influence she has had on the direction that my life has since been going. in.  I first met her when, between cleaning gigs, she came to sit with me in reception.  I was feeling a bit shy and withdrawn in those days, since I was still coping with the grief of losing Priscilla and the emotional fallout from the court battles with her twin mouth breathers.   Anyway, Theresa had not yet told me about Angela, or at least she had not given me her name, but did mention that there was there a chambermaid who also lived in the hotel and I should be particularly kind to her.  As I came to know Angela, I came to know why Theresa would tell me that...

The Peacock 539

 "Is there a story there?" says Carl, grinning.

"Carl, please!" says Sarah, now starting to sound really annoyed.

"Just the facts, ma'am."

"Well, what would you like to hear?"

"Tell us everything!" says Aaron with one wicked little grin.

"Well, everything is not what you are going to hear" she says.  "but I will say this much.  Priscilla's passing put me in quite a tailspin.  let me explain.  I mentioned she had twin sons who also played in her band.  Well, it turns out that Priscilla made me executor of her estate, and she also left me quite a handsome sum of money.  and of course, neither of her son's, Bruno or Damien, were anything pleased about it, and were determined by hook or by crook to get their hands on it.  They never did really like, or accept me by the way, which I think might have been Priscilla's other reason for not wanting me to sing with them, notwithstanding my stage fright, I mean.   Anyway, it got pretty ugly, but once the judge decided in my favour, I was out of there faster than your could say anything that you would want to say.  I was on the next flight to Thailand, where began nearly two years of pure travel adventure.  Thailand was incredible, and I also stopped in Cambodia to see the temples of Angkor Wat, then to Indonesia, but I ended up spending eighteen months in Australia, principally in Melbourne, where I had a friend who badly wanted to see me.  It turned out that she could not put me up as she had promised, since she suddenly had a man living with her (yes, I did say, 'a man'), but Susan had a friend who ran a pretty decent hostel downtown, and it was a nice place, plus, we still got to see each other several times a week, and, it turned out, her boyfriend also liked me.  If, maybe a little bit too much, if you catch my drift.

The Peacock 538

 "Where did you take your training, darling?" says Carol

"Training?" says Sarah.

"For your voice."

"I am untrained."

"Bosh.  No you're not, you have an exquisite and beautifully controlled pitch and an incredible range, four octaves did I hear?  I repeat, Sarah, where did you receive training?"

"I'm telling the truth", she says, almost peevishly.

"How very, completely, totally and absolutely remarkable", says Carol, shaking her head in mock disbelief.  "Did you and Priscilla sing together?"

"Only at home, and generally if she was working on a new song, which she usually was.  She actually didn't want me to perform with her because my voice was too perfect."

"Oh, what rubbish!"

"For me, a relief, actually.  I just don't enjoy performing."

"Is it the attention, dear?"

"Yes.  And something else.  But that really got set in motion after Priscilla passed away..." 

The Peacock 537

 Sarah appears completely oblivious to the impact she has just left on us.  The way she simply resumes chatting after reciting this bit of poetry that can only leave us all slack jawed in silent awe.  Now she looks around, nervous and self-conscious, as though only now she has figured out that she is already naked, and everyone has known this since already.

"Sarah", says Carol, after a moment's contemplation.  "Would you like to do with me a, a collaboration.  You have such a wonderful voice, and that song that you just performed for us....you're partner composed, and performed that?"

Sarah blinks a couple of times, as though still trying to figure out that she is naked.  "I might have improvised some of it."

"How much?"

I don't know.

"Did you feel as though something had just taken possession of you, dear?"

"Yes.  I think so.  I do feel so odd right now.  Almost like I want to cry."

"That happened to me, I think, earlier, when I was playing the piano.  Something, just gained possession of me."

"But Sarah," says Carl, "that was incredibly beautiful.  Maybe you and Carol could work on something together."

"Yes, maybe", says Sarah, " Maybe we could...

The Peacock 536

 "At the university.  I was studying library sciences at UBC and her twin sons were each doing their masters, one in neurobiology, the other in physics.  With two other guys they formed a band with Priscilla, who had been at the vanguard previously on the punk scene in the seventies.  But then she got married, had her sons, and got a regular job in early childhood education.  As if there were many parents out there, knowing her resume, would be willing to trust her with their small kids.  But Priscilla was amazing, amazingly responsible, amazingly kind, amazingly disciplined and amazingly creative, amazingly passionate.  And what a voice.  I said Patti Smith meets Nina Hagen.  And the lyrics, the poetry that she sang,  Here are a couple of her lines", and Sarah, who has quite an impressive soprano voice, begins to sing,

"we are the trees,

We are the forest,

We are the stones clustered in the dirt, We are the river, flowing underneath the roots,

we are the rain and the mist

We are the fire and the blood and the smoke

 We are the black rage

that pulses and screams and sings and howls and roars through the bones of Mother Earth

We are the scream, we are the song, we are the howl, we are the roar,

we are the cyclone, we are the hurricane, the typhoon 

 we are the destruction and the rage and the joy.

we are the destruction and the rage and the joy

we are the destruction and the rage and the joy...

Rebirth, rebirth, rebirth, rebirth...

We are the midwives, and we are the child and we are the mother and we are the blood

 we are the fire, we are the water, the song and the rage

 the silence of the dead.

 the silence of death.

the silence of death,

the silence of death.

we are the song and we are the love that throbs and quivers, we are the eternal serpent Leviathan that pulses and lunges from the depths of the boiling sea.

From the chaos,

 the foundation of our dreams and nights of silent waiting ,

nights of silent dread for the coming of the one, 

for the shining, for the new dawn blazing

 and we are the horizon, we are the light and we are the river that runs through our dreams,

through the roots of the trees that anchor the earth to the bones of our mother the Earth

We will arise, with trees and the birds and the wolves

because we are the song of the ravens the cry of the eagles that prophesy against the destruction

 we are the tender shoot and the fragile leaf emerging from the black squalor,

 the tree of life whose fruit will nourish, whose leaves will heal and give shade from the scorching embrace of the benevolent sun

Because we are the night. we are the day.  The new day that will always be  dawning in the midst of the night 

the impregnable night of our toxic destruction.

rebirth, rebirth, rebirth, rebirth."

"she sang that for a benefit for the protests protecting old growth forests.

"But she was amazing.  And she would visit the campus to meet and practice with her sons, because they were already setting themselves in motion and this time the world was ready for them."

The Peacock 535

 "Your turn, Sarah", says Carl, smiling.

"My turn?"

"Have you always been single?"

"I am a widow."

"When did you lose your husband?" says Carol."

"She was my wife."

"Is this okay for you, right now?" Carl says.

"Oh, yes.  Don't worry.  I was just taken by surprise.  We weren't married long, and I was pretty young, just twenty-three when I married Priscilla, and she was already in her fifties.  She died three years later, breast cancer.  It was in remission when we first knew each other, but when we tied the knot, we had a tacit understanding that she might be gone soon."

"What was her profession?"  Carol asks.

"She was a musician."  

"Classical?"

"Punk.  Or neo punk. She had a band.  They were pretty famous.  Ever hear of Priscilla and Her Little Mouth Breathers?"

"You were married to Priscilla?" says Carl, wide eyed and smiling.    I interviewed her for an article, just before she took ill.  Amazing woman.  She was like a cross between Patti Smith and Nina Hagen."

"She was one of a kind", says Sarah.  "She was one of a kind."

The Peacock 534

"You have a daughter?" says Sarah.

"I am a dad."

"How old is she?"

"Twenty-three."

"Where does she live?"

"In Burnaby.  With her mom."

"Do you ever see her?" says Sheila.

"As often as I can."

"So, that's why?" Sarah says-asks.

"Why what", Adam replies.

"You guys often disappear from us."

"I cannot tell a lie", says Lazarus.

"You must invite her here for a visit", says Carl.  "I mean, when it's safe."

"She is very curious about meeting all of you here", says Lazarus.  "She has been very busy with school and now she is doing her practicum."

"What field will she be working in", asks Aaron.

"Mental health", says Lazarus.  She's a newly minted community mental health worker, my little girl, and I am right proud of her."

The Peacock 533

 "But why didn't you guys go on to get married, since you were already in the same community together."

"Why didn't we?" says Michael to Matthew.

"You know something, dear Michael", he says, pausing for a sip of his coffee, "That is something I have never even thought of."

"Me neither", says Michael quietly.

"It wasn't necessary", Glen says, suddenly, which seems a bit odd, given how quiet he has been.

"I suppose you're right" says Matthew.

"He's bloody well right", enunciates Michael.

"It was a case of been there, done that", says Matthew.

"Saw the movie, read the book", says Michael.

"Got the T shirt, and the baseball cap", says Matthew.

"But then", Sarah says, Looking towards George and Jeffery, "there's you guys."

"What about us guys?" says George.

"Why did you get married?"

"I haven't the foggiest idea", says George, smiling.

"Me neither", says Jeffery.

"And then there's Lazarus and Adam.  What is this all about?" Sarah says.

"That one size doesn't fit all", says Sheila.

"It's all rather curious", says Carol, "Don't you think?"

"I really wish I knew what to think", says Adam.  "But here we are."  Then he says to Lazarus, "by the way, any word from Kiera?"

"Kiera?" says Sarah.

"My daughter", says Lazarus.