As many of you know, if you are regular readers of this blog, if this blog has any regular readers, I am a Christian...
...and there was silence in Heaven....
Okay, now that you have digested this sad and dreadful news allow me to get to the point. I am a former Jesus Freak in the Anglican Church. The Jesus Freaks, or the Jesus' People as we called ourselves, were a religious/social/spiritual phenomenon of the early sixties and early seventies. I was caught up in this glorious wave in 1970 at the age of fourteen and there has been literally no turning back.
There are several long stories as to what a Jesus Freak like me is doing in a nice church like this and I don't have time, space or patience to type out a lengthy and boring explanation. However, I became an Anglican thirty-two years ago, by default, because I didn't know where else to go. I am still there and still don't know where else to go.
I am an Accidental Anglican. If something better comes along (better for me, that is, since better is a very subjective word in this context) then I will probably consider it. In the meantime I am still trying to find my place in a denomination that claims to have a place for everyone but really has a place for no one. "No matter where you happen to be along the way you are welcome here" is a favourite motto of my parish church. Not so much now that we are under a new and less welcoming incumbent priest.
I am taking a break, likely a lengthy break, possibly a permanent break from this parish. Long story short I really got sick and tired of certain things: being expected to hug and accept being hugged by everyone, all perfect strangers, during the passing of the peace during the service, for instance. I have consistently refused to participate in this excess, which I see to be an exercise in hypocrisy and disrespectful towards other people's boundaries and this I believe has cost me dearly. Many people there have remained distant and decidedly cold towards me because I suppose they cannot handle rejection. People also talk and gossip and I am sure that the parish bush telegraph has heard my name brought up in less than kind tones more than once, so now I would say that they are the ones doing the rejecting.
There are a lot of gay people in this parish. Many are in (presumably) married arrangements with persons of like gender. I am in favour of gay marriage. For me, no problem. Some people think or wonder if I am gay. Actually I am asexual and still claim to be part of the Queer Community. However, as a Christian, and especially as a committed disciple of Our Lord Jesus Christ, I have strong reservations when it comes to how to express one's sexuality and I draw the line at premarital and extramarital sex, soliciting prostitutes and "exotic" public performances and pornography, all of which I see as unhealthy and degrading activities. I don't think I know anyone in this parish church who would be in agreement with me about this and simply expressing the opinion that Christian couples, be they straight or same sex, would best honour Christ by abstaining from sexual intercourse until their wedding night apparently makes me an intolerant, bigoted and fascist homophobe.
Many parishioners in my church enthusiastically endorse the military. I have mentioned to others that this is entirely inconsistent with Christ's life and teaching and absolutely incompatible with the life and witness of the Christian Gospel. More conflict.
I am so far enjoying my lengthy mental health break from my church. I am attending another Anglican parish right now where the people are a delight: welcoming, friendly, open and interested in others. And no one tries to hug you during the Peace. I might end up staying.
I just had coffee with a dear friend, an Anglican priest from a Latin American country and as usual we conducted most of our visit in his native Spanish. He suggested that when I return to my church, if I return, that I would do well to lay low: just stay for the service, maybe talk to one or two people I like and trust and then leave. At my parish church I think this is good advice. The Anglican tent being so large tends to invite people who do not always hold the same beliefs and in many cases, even if they are not really Christians in the strict sense of the word, they are free to do whatever they want: read, serve communion, sit in church council. Which is to say that out of guilt and a desire not to lose any more numbers and live to see its own extinction the Anglican Church of Canada is stooping to whatever measures they can in order to survive and keep those coffers filled.
That is perhaps a rather cynical way of looking at things and I think that in some cases it is not true, in other cases, very likely true.
In the meantime I am going to continue to enjoy my absence from my parish church as well as enjoy the lovely and welcoming people in the other church. I will still take the risk of meeting and getting to know new people here and also at my home parish, if it remains my home parish. I'm just going to be a little more selective. And I'm going to lower my expectations.
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