This is about charisma. We all know it when we see it, and we all secretly envy those who have it. They can appear among us like visiting gods. From the heights of Olympus we are visited and blessed and privileged by their shining presence. They seem gifted, often highly gifted, but really they just wear the costume, or the drag of giftedness rather well. Or they can talk a scintillating talk but their walk, which they can very artfully conceal from the rest of us, can be something rather different and less. What is clear is that these people, these demi-gods, so gifted, shining, eloquent, and alluring, are often so seductive and so skilled at the art that before we know it we are hooked. They could be romantic partners, which often turn into the most unfortunate possible choice for a spouse, or political leaders, perhaps even official royalty. Princess Diana?
More often they are media and performing stars: film actors, pop musicians, rock stars. Sometimes religious figures. Pope John Paul II anyone? They are often irresistibly lovely. But not always. They shine and their voices drip with honey and they know so well how to work a crowd, how to lure, caress and conquer the mob and how to seep like poisoned honey into our very souls.
Often they are narcissists. Sometimes they are sociopaths. Being indifferent to others except in extorting from them their adoration, they care about no one but themselves. They are the ultimate in selfishness. They are, shall we say, satanically glamorous. So, then it isn't beauty that would describe them, that is quite a different word, but glamour. They shine and sparkle, and tempt and lure. Behind the gloss they are nothing.
Charismatic narcissists are not necessarily better looking than the rest of us, though this often helps. They are not necessarily more gifted creatively or intellectually, though sometimes they are. What they are is incredibly cunning. What they all appear to have in common is an absolute interior emptiness. They are hollow people. They live for the affirmation and adoration of others and they will stop at nothing to ensnare our devotion and loyalty. They feed on us, absorbing all of our neediness, emptiness and longing and reflecting it back to us in the form of our unattainable dreams. We choose them, in a way we elect them to be the vision, the image of what we ourselves want to be and can never ourselves become. The charismatic leader, the movie star, the rock star is every bit as empty as we are. They have simply learned how to use it as a way of working and manipulating others. They serve as a mirror. Looking upon them inspires us, gives us hope and a moment's pleasurable distraction from our grey, monotonous lives.
They are us, like dollar store trinkets wrapped in pretty paper and ribbons.
We often don't give ourselves time or permission to know ourselves, to develop and grow into whole and mature persons. We don't know how to, but I think that once we start doing this, learning how to develop as whole human beings, actually take charge of our lives and our growth, our real gifts begin to develop. We become more discerning about our choice of mentors and teachers. We become less interested in being dazzled and titillated and more committed to the sometimes arduous and monotonous, but always rewarding, business of growth.
I think that as we actually begin to mature, and this can never happen without hard work and time and patience, we are still going to be lured by the charisma of others. We will even give ourselves permission to enjoy them. But from a safe distance. As we come to value ourselves, and love ourselves, I think we become less easily seduced. We will have acquired substance and strength. We will look on the rock stars with a detached and cynical eye, or perhaps we won't much notice them at all. We will at times miss the thrill of seduction, but I think we will be too busy working to build a better world to give them much notice.
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