Ah, work stress. What would our lives be without it. It seems that no matter how much we enjoy our work it still remains just that. Work. We have to hock our time and our lives for, in my case anyway, a pittance that will keep us alive for one more day to barter our lives and, dare I say, dignity, for yet another day in order to stay alive.
It isn't all bad. Especially if, like me, you already love your work, or at least significant aspects. I am a mental health peer support worker and there is nothing like being able to walk so closely with others as they are struggling and stumbling their way towards mental health recovery and to see real improvements made in their quality of life.
However, after eleven years of turning a mostly blind eye to the accumulating injustices, indignities and humiliations of being treated chronically like a third class citizen I have reached breaking point. I have been working and living in a state of cognitive dissonance. Loving and thriving on my work with my clients while barely tolerating the heartless and sociopathic douchebags that run the organization that employs me. (of course I am not going to name them here. As I mentioned in an earlier post they tend to be vindictive, unforgiving and vicious when criticized, especially by an employee who is stranded at the bottom of their food chain.)
In the last three days the boil has burst and oh what a stinky, slimy and sordid mess. Monday I was put in potential danger by a client. Tuesday I was nearly threatened with dismissal for being assertive with an arrogant psychiatrist.
Given that almost six years ago, when we were given a one dollar raise to twelve whopping bucks an hour in exchange for letting them cut our hospitality budget for our clients in half I protested along with one of my bosses. We were both threatened with dismissal if we did not shut up about it.
I have carried this burden of anger and resentment for almost six years, based on a sense of powerlessness and fear. This evening, knowing that this resentment was slowly poisoning me, I have forgiven the administration and upper management of my organization. I don't know what this is going to mean but I do feel better and relieved of something nasty I seem to have been carrying for a while.
This does not mean that I am suddenly going to trust them. And it doesn't let them off the hook. But at least I no longer hate them and this is going to set me free, somewhat.
Speaking of forgiveness, by the way, it is an act of the will. I didn't enact forgiveness because I felt like it, only because I knew that God was commanding me. It is an act of obedience. The sense of relief, the absence of resentment and the desire to if not love at least to wish my oppressors well follows. This does not change our relationship in any way. They are still oppressors who govern our organization knowing the cost of everything and the value of nothing. But I will no longer be hobbled by hate towards them. And maybe this in turn will open the way for good to come of this situation. Stranger things have happened.
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