I have recently sought to distance myself from the post traumatic stress disorder label. There are reasons for this. I think I really began to think this out more carefully when an individual who claims to have PTSD recently ended our friendship. This individual is very wealthy and wields a lot of influence in his social circles. I was invited to a soiree in his home some time ago while I was going through one of my own PTSD crises. Over that month I had been triggered by a succession of misfortunes and difficult events. I was not feeling well and knew that I should have cancelled this person's social gathering, but when he used guilt to persuade me to attend, I caved. He was going to tack on to the end of the event my birthday celebration, which was well-intentioned though I did feel patronized. While in his sumptuous home I felt anxious and fearful, took care not to offend anyone, but stayed only an hour. My friend did very little to help me feel welcome, and expressed offence when I declined to wear a name tag, as this wasn't a professional gathering and I didn't want to feel like I was in a professional gathering but in the home of a friend.
I went on a trip for a month and a few weeks later my friend and I met for coffee, where he turned ugly on me, accused me repeatedly of infecting his sacred home with my anger, and all because I didn't wear a name tag, and then tried to walk out on me when I said to him "you mean you want to end our friendship just because I am the only one of your friends who has the cojones to stand up to you?" I eventually persuaded him to stay and I thought we had managed to salvage our friendship.
Late,r over the following days, I realized that he had done nothing to accept responsibility nor apologize for wrongly accusing me, and for basically treating me like crap at a time when I was myself needing support from my friends. I sent him an email about this. He delayed answering for a few weeks, then sent me a smarmy email telling me that he didn't want me in his life because I "triggered" him. Nothing about examples or of how we could resolve things. He basically told me to get lost forever.
My ex-friend uses his wealth to control others and his PTSD diagnosis as a tool of manipulation. His insanity plea. His get out of jail free card.
This is what I mean about getting the stigma out of trauma. As for myself, I no longer call myself a PTSD survivor. A trauma survivor, perhaps. And more than a survivor.
But
I have already decided to not use whatever remains of any of my symptoms of trauma as currency for manipulating or controlling others, nor as a tool of emotional blackmail. I have tried to take care with this in the past but now I am being exceptionally mindful of this. Taking proper care of myself and getting adequate rest have been enough to move me forward.
This doesn't mean I will never get triggered again. It does mean that I will take care of things when it happens again and get adequate rest and ask for support from friends. But I will also carry on as normal.
As far as my pathetic wealthy friend, I have no intention of turning out like him. I will accept full responsibility for my actions and reactions and if I feel "triggered" by anyone, instead of avoiding them, instead of banishing them out of my life, I am going to continue to seek ways of opening communications and working on my own issues, without passing blame.
We really have turned out to be a generation of spoiled, spineless and sissified little narcissists. I really have come to believe that acquiring an ethical sense and a good moral compass are often key to full recovery from trauma. This has nothing to do with blaming ourselves. It has everything to do with accepting responsibility and refusing to play the victim.
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