Nuance 32

I seem to be facing some headwinds at St. Faith's, the Anglican parish church I have been visiting since last May. I say visiting, because I am still, after nine months, am made to feel like a visitor there. To the people there, I still seem to represent the other and I don't understand this, because no one has troubled to explain why. I have felt treated kindly, welcomed like a visiting exotic, perhaps a tropical bird blown off course and landing there for the short-term. I was hoping that something solid could develop, but following a coffee visit with the interim priest, I'm afraid those hopes are going to be dashed for awhile, if not forever. I was informed on our visit yesterday that people at St. Faith's are still learning how to trust me. Very unfortunate choice of words, and I have reacted rather strongly by withdrawing the trust that I have already invested in some of the people there. Well, trust is a choice. I chose to trust people at St. Faith's and now maybe I have to start reconsidering, because nobody seems willing to reciprocate. I will likely end up either leaving, or suffering with having to worship among strangers who will be nice and kind on Sundays, and otherwise, please don't bother us. I would like to be proven that I am mistaken here. This is an assumption I don't want to hold. It was suggested that maybe I should invite people out for coffee, but that shouldn't have to be my job. I am the newcomer, I am the one who needs to be welcomed, not vice-versa. So, I am holding out in hope that some of the faithful will read these words and do something to show interest in me as a friend. This hasn't happened yet, and I am not making the first step, because, as the newcomer, that isn't my job. We are all human, of course, but I think that a lot of people get hobbled somewhat by surface differences. And we don't really have very much in common. Most of the parishioners are married with families. Almost all of them are home-owners, many retired, some still working as successful and reasonably well-off professionals. They are all car owners. I seem to be the only one who lives in social housing, gets around by foot and public transit, earns less than a living wage, and basically subsists at survival level. I am the only one who has to cope without family, close friends, or other supports. I need stable people in my life. This is the attraction for me at St. Faith's, But I also need stable people who will not keep me at arms-length and treat me and passively exclude me like the other. One would hope that among Christians there would also exist the possibility of friendship. Well, I am still hoping. And I am still waiting to see the evidence. But there are limits to my patience.