Life As Performance Art 140

Here is my latest Google review, Gentle Reader: "Today I went into a cafe, the Paper Crane, for the first time. The place was empty, but I wanted to sit and chill over a coffee on this rainy day. The barista, a rather smug and arrogant looking young hipster (is there any other kind?), was cheerfully whistling while preparing my Americano. I mentioned to him, politely and a bit shyly, that whistling really bothers me and it severely gets on my nerves. He smugly replied that I would just have to put up with it. I demanded a refund, even though the Americano was already made, and walked out of the joint with my money, telling him that when he starts treating patrons with more respect then he will likely get more business. I will never go back there." I really tried to handle the situation as respectfully as I could at the moment, given how disrespectfully I was being treated by this person. It was a rainy day, and, following a session with a client living in a long term care facility, I was wanting a quiet place to sit over a cuppa while working on a drawing in my sketchbook. The last thing I wanted to hear was whistling. Some people aren't bothered by it. I wish I was such a person, but the way I process sound and ambient noise can make even relatively innocuous situations a bit challenging at times. I don't believe I was actually rude to this young man. When he said I would just have to put up with his whistling, I simply replied that I would like a refund, please, and I left, telling him on my way out that treating customers with respect would likely bring in more business. But I'm not going back there, at least not for a long time. I am also seeing a friendship unravel with someone whom I have known for many years. Sad, this, but this individual seems unwilling to deal with her self-destructive behaviours and has responded abusively to my concern so I don't expect we will be in contact again, or not for a while anyway. This is sad, because I really care about this person, but I have been so pained by disrespectful people in my life who seem to think they are entitled to mistreating me, that I really cannot take any more. And I am not taking it anymore. This individual just sent me an abusive email, and that kills it. I will not be a recipient of abuse, and alcoholics (she refuses to get treatment) can be particularly nasty that way and it is going to be very difficult to maintain a healthy relationship with someone who refuses to get help for themselves. So, I am saying goodbye. I find it interesting that anyone who knew me before or just after I had been in psychotherapy 2002-2006, has tended to treat me with real disdain and disrespect. Those whom I have known since, say, two years after my therapy ended, are really good and respectful friends. There is one exception, and he has actually been willing to grow and adapt to the very different person I have become, just as I have had to grow and adapt to the very different person that he now is (and he is, in his new incarnation, quite loveable) My take on this? I was so affected by trauma and abuse when I was younger that no one seemed capable of treating me with respect because I didn't believe that I deserved respect. I just longed to be accepted and loved, and of course, a lot of people are going to be really put off with this sort of neediness, or will be attracted like flies to a corpse by this golden opportunity to practice and hone their bullying skills. This has changed, but people who have known me before I went through these changes are still going to relate to me as if I am still the person they once knew, and not the person I have since become. If they are alcoholics, then they are not going to see anything because the beloved bottle is all that they really love. Since this individual reads my blog, this is my message to you. You have been presuming since we resumed contact, that I would be the same passive, self-hating little weakling that you knew twenty years ago. Now that you are finding out that I am strong now, you cannot take it. This threatens you. Well, too bad. Get help, and if you disrespect my boundaries then be prepared for the consequences. This is my message to all of you, Gentle Reader. ta-ta!