Today, I saw what happens when love collides with fear. Now, none of us can really come to love perfectly, and I don't even think unconditionally, though sometimes we might come very and strangely close to loving unconditionally. I am coming to experience this more these days. It is intoxicating, refreshing...and frightening! I am referring to a young man, South Asian, perhaps, walking his dog, a black labrador pup. They had just come out of the apartment building, and the dog badly wanted to make friends with me. This dog really wanted to make friends with me. His owner was walking just ahead of me, and the dog kept turning around, wagging his tail quite madly, looking at me with classic puppy eyes, but even more, he kept trying to come over to me so that the poor guy had to drag him on his leash.
While I like dogs okay, I am not barmy about them. I have a slight preference for cats. Yeah, I guess you might have guessed this, Gentle Reader. I am, if not exactly a cat person,... well, I really cannot understand why there are so many cat haters out there anyway. They are lovely and beautiful animals. Way more beautiful and graceful than dogs, though I think greyhounds and huskies to also be rather beautiful as far as dogs go. But here I digress.
As we got near the stoplight, I thought I would say something to the dog's human, so I said, "I don't think you're going to get very far with your dog until you let me pet him." I didn't particularly want to pet the dog, but he seemed nice, seemed to really want to make contact, and I thought that if I could stop to pet him a bit, he would calm down and his owner would have an easier time walking him after. All likely very true. But I didn't bargain for this guy's absolutely hostile and paranoid reaction. He simply ran against the light, dragging the dog with him in order to get away from me. Not speaking one single word, civil or otherwise. A frightened, hostile little snob. He does not deserve such a loving dog for a pet.
I am sure he loves his little doggy. Likely in a way that is very insecure and very possessive. He is one of those many lonely neurotics that fill our urban neighbourhoods. Being too timid and too uppity to actually connect meaningfully with other human beings, he has to get himself a little puppy dog, because he can control the dog and be sure to be loved unconditionally by a being who will not challenge or test him. He doesn't want a friend, he wants a love slave. That is so sad.
It is also to me a real picture of how we distort and misunderstand love. Some of us are just so frightened, timid and selfish little cowards that we will deny ourselves the rich and rewarding opportunity of real friendship and meaningful connection with other human beings, because we don't want to be hurt and we want to have everything our own way. So we get an animal instead. This is abuse, towards a dumb and helpless animal. He doesn't have a pet. He has a hostage.
Am I insulted or offended with this person? Not exactly. He simply didn't seem to me like an interesting person, though I would still be open to talking to him, not as an excuse to pet his dog, but to simply reach out to a fellow human being. Was I feeling particularly lonely? Not in the least. I was on my way to visit a close friend, with whom I had an awesome walk in the woods and coffee visit afterward, then later online with two really close friends who live in Latin America (Colombia and Costa Ricas, respectively). I do not need more friends, and I am not looking for more friends. I already have plenty. But because I myself am a friend, I am always open to and reaching out to others, not to fill my own need but to do what I can to help reach out to others in their isolation.
I hope that shy, frightened and selfish young man does have at least someone in his life he can connect with. But I rather doubt it. I also hope that my fumbling attempt to reach out to him will eventually bear fruit in his life as he grows up a bit and finds out that in order to emerge out of his isolation he has to stop taking life and other people for granted. When you are young that is particularly difficult, and only after a few decades of the big asskicking that God in his mercy does not spare any of us, we can trust that this poor shrunken little soul will eventually get over himself.
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