I have long counted myself as one of those unfortunate individuals who has never had trouble getting people interested in him but has often met with little success in keeping friends. This, while often noting that some of the dullest, most lacklustre nebbishes that ever crawled on the surface of the earth were often surrounded by more best friends forever than farts following a chili eating contest. I am not going to suggest that everyone finds me interesting. That is not the case and there are some whom I'm sure would prefer to cross over to the other side of the street than be bored by one of my endless monologues. I have often been told that I can be very polarizing for all kinds of reasons that I won't bore you with here. The fact of the matter is quite simple: I am not interesting. Okay, louder: I AM NOT INTERESTING. Still can't hear me? I AM NOT INTERESTING!!!! At least not in any unusual or exceptional way.
I sometimes think of one of the characters from the Charles Williams novel The Greater Trumps. This is a very spiritual and transcendent woman who didn't believe that there was any such thing as a person who isn't somehow interesting: that simply being human makes one interesting. I've actually come to believe this. It doesn't mean that I never get bored with some people. Of course I do. Usually if I'm tired or want to be alone and if someone wants to talk endlessly about their favourite subject: themselves. I don't try to tune them out though, and still try to engage them and often end up finding them interesting even if it is against my better judgment.
Someone mentioned today that I don't look like the sort of person who would easily get into trouble. I replied no I'm not, dammit. He said that he understood, I would imagine, perceiving himself in a similar light: being himself a family man running a neighbourhood coffee shop, where we happened to be having this conversation. The fact of the matter is I find this individual very interesting and the interest appears to be reciprocated though our contact is restricted to the confines of his café whenever I happen to wander into the neighbourhood for an Americano and an hour or two to draw in my sketchbook.
I'm not really interested in being interesting. I do like being liked, since that could help guarantee me a stable circle of friends and I do seem in these latter years of my life to have more stable friendships than before. And even though I prefer being liked over being found interesting I thank God as I happen to perceive him that I am not particularly needy of being liked. I will settle for respect, but merely being respected and found interesting doesn't mean that the same people are going to attend my funeral, or visit me in hospital, or spend Christmas or Thanksgiving with me, knowing that I'm alone.
When someone finds me interesting I feel in a way objectified, as if my value to that person is really a kind of entertainment value and that once they lose interest they will also lose me. This has happened often enough and I don't wish to repeat this little performance. And I have to admit that I would much rather find others interesting than vice versa, not for the entertainment value but for love of who they are.
I think there is also a difference between being authentically interesting and appearing to be interesting. The latter is really just narcissism, or being famous for merely being famous. Having your fifteen minutes of fame and then not knowing when to go home.
Being interesting is really very simple. It begins with not being interested in being interesting. If you want to be interesting people are going to catch on and expose you for the fraud that you are. Being passionate about something outside yourself will also help as well as taking care not to draw undue attention to yourself. Love is the most interesting quality of all. When you love, be it one single person, or humanity, or a cause, or the earth, or having a passion for social justice, these are all things that make one interesting. The queen of England is merely the queen of England which in itself makes her interesting for her position, but as a person, who knows? But Princess Diana, while she was princess indeed and before her tragic death, she had a real passion for others. She loved. She was flawed, yes, but had she not really cared about others she would have just been another Royal Barbie Doll. And then there's Mother Teresa, aka St. Teresa of Calcutta. It was all because of that Malcolm Muggeridge chap that she became famous as an icon of selflessness and disinterested love and suddenly an obscure Albanian nun became interesting.
As for myself, I really don't give a rat's buttocks if others find me interesting or not. I want to find them interesting. I want to listen to them from my heart. I want also to love the earth and all of God's creation from my heart. I want to live quietly, peacefully and bravely, but Lord, please let me live from my heart. Wouldn't that be interesting?
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