After Care

Anybody keeping track of this blog, at least over the last three or four posts, will realise that I have been having quite a rotten run of luck over this Easter and I expect that things are going to improve.  I was moved and felt buoyed by the expressions of care and support by others when I reported the cyperbullying and the assault that resulted in a sprained knee.  Then I had that unfortunate Easter Sunday yesterday at church followed by an unsympathetic response from a co-parishioner.  It has taken me some time today, while taking a long walk (more than seven miles so it is pretty obvious that this knee is healing fast!) but I understand now just why I got so upset at church yesterday.  As well as feeling swamped by rather unsympathetic looking strangers, no one at church who knew anything of what had been happening to me bothered to check in to see how I was doing.  No one even gave me the time of day for Chris' sake! (pun intended)  No wonder I was pissed. 
     I suppose that people thought that since I had shown the person who had assaulted me clemency that all was forgiven and I would be feeling just tickety-boo.  But it ain't necessarily so.  I just referred to him today to a tenant in my building in the elevator as an asshole, and right now I am venting some really volatile emotions.  These things do not vanish overnight, nor does the need for support from others.  Judgment, by the way, is neither necessary or welcome.
     I attend an Anglican church and there is a disproportionate ratio of Anglicans who work in public libraries and related fields and I believe this to be for one very simple reason: the Anglican church tends to attract egg-headed introverts.  By and large thinking people, contemplative and considerate individuals.  People full of insight and wisdom.  And yes, some very compassionate people.  But remember, a lot of them are egg-headed introverts.  It isn't that they lack social skills, they are just very slow at applying them.  So, I do not doubt that people care, but it does irk me somewhat that absolutely nothing has been done, since some nicely-written emails, to express care.
     As I have already mentioned, it is also possible that no one has imagined that I might still need support.  But loss, assault, forgiveness, trauma and after care is a cycle that really needs to be understood, even by church lay persons.  I am emotionally exhausted following what I have just been through, preceded by a bad cold and the death of a family member and close friend.  I need people I can debrief with and they don't have to be professionals.  This is what friends are for, after all.  Friends?  Huh? Get real, dude, you are alone, on your own, and you are going to have to get used to this.
     Funny, that one of my friends sent me a very well-intentioned email suggesting that I spend some time with a friend to help me debrief and try to have some good times.  I have just explained to my dear friend that whenever I am going through difficulties none of my friends are ever available.
     So, to the rest of you, if you consider me a friend then it certainly won't kill you to do something to prove it.  I am going through a crappy time.  Yes, I'm a seasoned hardass and I've been through and survived worse, and I am getting through this but it is always nice to know that there are others routing for you, eh?  Do we always have to walk alone?  Huh?  I can't hear you.