A Matter Of Opinion

Gentle Reader, you may well recall that I have already on occasion written on this theme and you will also remember my opinion on opinions: they're like assholes...everybody has one (thank you, Dan Savage).  I am again reminded of the poster of a white Persian cat wearing glasses and saying "Everyone has the right to my opinion."  Too cute and if this kind of twee anthropomorphism didn't make me want to hurl I would be oh too inclined to agree.  I am writing about opinion for one simple reason.  My question du jour is this: how far can two friends go with having a difference of opinion and still remain friends?

I think here it might be necessary to differentiate between opinions and values.  My best friends and I all seem to share in common certain core values: a belief in human dignity, human rights, and we all share a desire to live with integrity, we all desire to learn and grow.  We also share in common a native generosity of spirit which is I believe especially why we attract one another.  Now this isn't to say that we are going to agree about everything.

I am currently trying to learn when to keep my mouth shut, especially when certain sensitive topics come up that we are not likely to agree on.  Fortunately none of these areas of difference is particularly major and for every area of disagreement there seem to be at least two or more corresponding points that we share in common.  For example, my friend who believes in free market capitalism knows not to praise the likes of Milton Friedman or Ayn Rand in my presence.  Similarly I'm not going to tell him how great I think Che Guevara was (by the way, Gentle Reader, I never have liked El Che, but we will save this for a future post)  Another friend reminds me rather of my father but without the racism or bigotry when he tells me how they are going too far on minority rights (Black Lives Matter, or shared washrooms for trans people and other folk).  I simply shut up and nod and agree with him that people in minorities should shut up and live their lives and stop whining.  (my friend, by the way, is openly gay, and has the same opinion about gay people!)  I do have another perspective and I tend to agree that there are a lot of collective variables that my friend simply does not have the patience to consider but when he holds forth I know better now than to try to educate him.  I simply listen now.  There is another friend who, like me, believes strongly in social justice and from time to time participates in actions of civil disobedience that on occasion cause me to raise an eyebrow or two.  I keep my mouth shut, support him and through his inspiration I redouble my efforts to pester politicians and journalists with emails and links to my blog when I am writing about homelessness and legislated poverty.

I could go on.

I am not trying to humour my friends, neither am I merely trying to keep the peace.  Rather I have learned from years of pointless debates with an almost never ending parade of ex-friends how useless it is to try to educate others when my real motive is usually just to play devil's advocate which can make me at times pretty damn annoying.  I often think that it's better just to keep my mouth shut and listen and maybe learn a thing or two.  Perhaps I might even find that I've been mistaken all along and will rise to the challenge of letting go of a few pet opinions and ideologies.  I might even grow a little.

But I draw the line when it comes to ethics.