Fourteen years have passed since I became stably housed. I am sixty now. I expect to go on living in the same apartment for a while anyway. It hasn't all been easy but on the whole my quality of life has improved tremendously. I have sometimes said of my fifties that they have been so far the best decade of my life. A lot of good things seemed to come together for me at once, or at least in short order. As I was settling in my new affordable apartment I began seeing a psychiatrist who helped me a lot in finding my way through my issues of complex PTSD. In the meantime, with the help of a good employment counsellor, I got into a pre-work program and from there became gainfully employed. I am glad to say that it is almost fourteen years now that I have been off of social assistance.
Still, the first few years, until about 2006 or so, were rather difficult. On several occasions I was indecently assaulted by two needy and very disturbed male tenants in my building. There have also been ongoing issues of noise from other tenants and from the building next door, but not bad enough to make things unliveable. I have had some difficulties coping with the fundamentalist Christians running my building but the worst of them seem to be well out of sight now, and out of mind.
Church has not been easy. While attending a fundamentalist church connected with my building, 2003-2005, I came to find their homophobia offensive and unnecessary and during this time became fully aware that really I do accept same sex marriage. Mentioning this openly created problems so I left this denomination. I did waste several years rehabilitating myself with the Anglican Church. This became both painful and problematic. I won't go into detail as I have written plenty about this already in other parts of this blog.
I also lost my last remaining friends during this time. They did not want to know the person I was turning into post-therapy and I am happy to say that I am glad to be rid of them. I have also made some very good new friends, good solid people who are not embarrassed to know me and who do not judge me. I have lost all contact with my surviving family, including my brother and his daughter and even if this has been a bit painful I have accepted the situation and appreciate that this for me is the best possible outcome.
There are some ongoing health challenges and I suppose this can at least partly be attributed to the fact that I am not getting younger. My pituitary and thyroid problems have made me quite ill at times, landing me in hospital last year and now I am under a doctor's care while undergoing treatment, but I generally feel well, if a little tired at times and my capacity of enjoying life, especially the current moment, seems all the richer and sweeter. Work isn't always easy, with complications at times with clients or coworkers or supervisors but on the whole there is a lot of good will on all sides and I seem to be flourishing.
What is particularly remarkable is the way I have been able to become fluent in Spanish while enjoying the luxury of foreign travel every year, and this on what could be charitably called an obscenely low wage. My life feels richer than ever as I interact with people of all ages from the whole range of Latin American countries.
I know that this could all end or change at the blinking of an eye. I am not going to worry. I will continue to embrace as a divine gift the present moment as I walk towards an uncertain but glorious future.
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