Living With Trauma 11

I had this conversation with the pastor of an evangelical community church in one of the very wealthy neighbourhoods of Vancouver. I was homeless. None of the rich people in his church lifted so much as a finger to help me and some of those people had once been my friends, years ago, when we were all equally poor Jesus Freaks, but they basically sold out on their Christian values, became stinking wealthy and still went to church on Sundays and made all the right pious noises, and probably little else that wasn't geared towards increasing their social and professional status while making shitloads of money. Instead of constructively focussing with me on my need for housing this pastor opted instead to accuse me of being judgmental when I complained that none of his rich congregants seemed at all interested in helping me. He then tried to bait and switch by telling me about a back injury the soon-to-be ex-wife of a wealthy fashion shoe designer in his church was suffering from. Surely, he said, the pain and discomfort that she was having to live with is just as bad as the ordeal of being homeless. Knowing I was talking to someone who was totally uninterested in considering what I was going through, I simply concurred that it must be difficult for her and consented to changing the subject. I soon left that church, more than eighteen years ago, after the pastor told me to leave since I represented the wrong social class for his West Side Church and hope to never again set foot among that brood of vipers. From time to time I recall our conversation, and I also accept that, regardless of the bait and switch being pulled on me, there was a limited validity to his argument. Still, I am not going to apologize for the bitter and vindictive tone of this post, Gentle Reader, for the simple reason that I was vulnerable and those rich Christian bastards treated me like garbage, so please allow me a little entitled revenge, please and thank you! It's all apples and oranges, or grapes and mangoes, or however you want to phrase it. Rich people are not the only people in the world who suffer from back trouble, and they never have to worry about not getting proper treatment and therapy for the very fact that they are wealthy, nor will they ever have to consider the impact on their health of sleeping every night on cold concrete, outside, in all kinds of weather. We all live with the same trauma, but some of us are more sheltered from its ravages, and the better off have a moral and spiritual obligation to use their largess to help relieve the suffering and misery of the less fortunate. None of this hand up instead of a hand out garbage. People are suffering, getting sick and dying out there largely because of the unchecked greed of the wealthy. Once those who are really hurting have the basics: homes, decent food to eat, and the means to access transportation and basic services, then we can start talking about a hand up, if it's even going to be necessary once our basic needs are being finally met. We all live with the same trauma. We all are born into the same difficult and painful existence called life, and we are all heading towards the same cosmic final solution, death. Those who are already privileged need to know how fragile their privilege really is, and that any small combination of misfortunes could land them also on the street or in a low-barrier shelter. Perhaps that kind of internalized fear keeps many of the wealthy selfish, callous and greedy, since anything or anyone who reminds them that they are also vulnerable is going to be treated like a threat, much as I was treated by those wealthy and venal Baptists and other evangelicals at Kitsilano Community Church in 1999. I do want to believe that there are a few people among the privileged classes who are willing to examine their lives, their privilege, and the role that they are playing, even through inaction, in worsening the lives of the poor, the homeless, the mentally ill and other vulnerable populations. And let us also consider that mental illness is not only the domain of the poor as there are also plenty of well off folk who can't get by in life without their daily meds.