Surviving The Fall, 39

We need one another. We are a social species, a very social species and we simply do not cope well alone. In fact, our survival is so interwoven with others that, alone, no human being would be able to manage. We are not really, fully human without one another. Now this can be interpreted and actualized in any number of ways. And within our humanity we find a great range of expression and need. There is of course that useless personality binary of extroverts and introverts. Rather okay as a very crude guide, but it still says very little about who we are. In fact, I would go as far as to say that introversion is a luxury fostered by our human social institutions and infrastructures. Without the services of computer technology, books, art materials, hiking equipment and clothing, automobiles, gardening and home supplies and all the many other activities and diversions that facilitate an introverted, less than social life expression, anyone claiming to thrive alone would simply implode, collapse and die from starvation, boredom and loneliness. This reflects some of my own experience. I am actually directly on the borderline of introvert and extrovert, at least according to Briggs-Meyer. Being with others is vital to my wellbeing, just as being alone. But the times of solitude help me process the together times and to restore and refresh me for my next social forays. I like to think of this as balance, I suppose. And the balance is going to look a little bit different for each person. But this is very much a First World Problem. Without our advanced technologies and our many cultural achievements we would have to stick all the closer together, for safety, food and shelter. I really don't think a lot of us understand that privacy, as we know, practice and accept privacy by entitlement, is really a huge luxury. living alone in your own place, your own apartment, having a room of your own? Essential, maybe for the wellbeing of self-defined introverts, and others, but still a huge luxury that has arisen out of millennia of human evolution and developing civilization. Even the most introverted need to be protected from loneliness, which is different from solitude. When you think of all the mass murderers in recent history, have you noticed the one trait they all seem to share in common? They are all dysfunctional loners. I think in many cases originally very sensitive and delicate souls that got badly hurt by others, got somehow sacrificed on the altar of toxic masculinity, and have since festered and mutated underneath their rocks or inside their cave into something ugly, frightening and deathly. Being hard people to be friends with, to even tolerate and endure, they often feel driven away from others. Chronic rejection makes people inflexible and untrusting. There is a lot of work that needs to be done on both sides to bring people like that out of isolation, and unfortunately the burden of effort lies on society, families, friends, concerned volunteers and professionals, and others. I am not very good at this, either. I was long at risk of turning into this kind of toxic loner, and only my desire and need to connect with others, and the tremendous patience and unconditional love I have sometimes been surprised with, have helped me stay on keel and ready to move forward. I have also had to learn how to forgive and cultivate empathy. and these are qualities that are generally lacking in toxic loners. Now my emphasis isn't simply to not be isolated, but to be a good friend. And this is where the real work begins.