Collective Trauma: The Fallout 7

Trust is key to forming healthy relationships. I just heard a documentary on the radio about why men have a lot more trouble forming and sustaining friendships than women. They went through the usual stereotypes of male toxicity and what it seems to come down to is that men, especially in the middle and upper middle classes, are expected to compete well, and if you are going to compete well, then there must also be an enemy or at least a rival against whom to compete, and some kind of prize or reward awaiting the winner and then the winner takes all. It's that usual type A alpha male garbage that insulates people from real intimacy, real friendship, and real healing and growth. Or it could be called the fear of looking weak, since for men and for women too who want to succeed in the corporate world, strength, cunning, and brutality are everything because winning is everything. No tears or gushy vulnerability here. you will get squished in a nanosecond. Like a lost little slug, or like an earth worm languishing on a summer sidewalk. Now, I'm not a huge proponent about binary cis gender, not being in that category myself. And I am also aware of the particularly unfortunate direction a lot of women are taking in their grasp for equality where, instead of bringing to the table what makes women so strong and viable so that men and others might also benefit, they simply transform themselves into men wearing skirts as they fight and bully their way up the corporate ladder. This, of course is a generalization and it's applications does have its limits. I am going to propose another idea. Can we forget about gender altogether? I mean, besides the fact that one of the human race can pee while standing? I for one, haven't really fond much of that gender divide in my friendships, though I also reckon that the men I am fortunate to know as long term friends are like me sick of the stereotype and simply want people in their lives with whom they can connect, open up to, and feel safe. Perhaps it's because I have never bought into any of the stereotypes: I have never really thought of myself as a gendered being, I never married, farmed babies and settled down in a career. I have always tried to live as openly as possible my faith and my values. And, yes, I have certainly run across plenty of men who are prisoners to the stereotypes and they are very hard people to reach, but some of them have also sent me messages for help, because they certainly aren't flouring in that prison. But to break out of that kind of socially constructed jail, or to even not get caught in it, takes enormous reserves of energy and courage and there are always going to be risks involved. For me it comes back to a matter of trust. And this is more than simply finding people you can trust or to learn how to trust. It is simply trusting because that is what makes us human. We all have a need to trust, and naturally a fear of getting burned by those we trust and the supreme act of courage here is to simply give reign to that natural instinct to trust. Which also means overcoming fear, and fear is the big one that holds us prisoner. I have mentioned on these pages, gentle Reader, that we re all collective survivors of trauma, didn't I. And fear is the number one wound that festers and suppurates among us. Of course, the secret to getting over fear is love, and by accepting love into our lives, and I ain't talking romance here, but love, which comes from God, the Big Love of the Universe. Oh, that's right, a lot of you don't believe. And you don't want to believe? Poor dears. I'm afraid you get nothing. Until you decide to open up, that is. That's all for today. Thanks for reading, Gentle Reader. And one more time, NO COMMENTS, PLEASE!