The fallout has already begun. I did try to go into this process as thoughtfully as possible, but there are always going to be repercussions and unanticipated little consequences and other such ambushes. All I knew was that, while in Colombia, I had begun a kind of paradigm shift, and that this change was going to have on me some rather widespread ramifications.
What really stood out, was the love, acceptance and welcoming I was given by a friend in Colombia who no longer professes Christianity, though clearly he has not abandoned Jesus. I was shown similar love and welcoming in Costa Rica by a family of faithful Catholics who are also friends. I have never experienced among Anglicans anything at all resembling this kind of love and acceptance and care from others. I also didn't bother to attend church services while I was down there, only to discover two rather interesting truths: that I didn't miss or need church, and that God's love and presence and Holy Spirit remained strong and tangible in my life throughout that time, even to this present time when all the churches are closed due to the covid 19 pandemic. So, naturally I began to ask, why am I even bothering to attend church services, especially among people who clearly do not do Christian discipleship?
As we have already seen, Gentle Reader, I tried several times to contact the priest in charge of my parish church for pastoral support because I was feeling very confused and distressed by what was happening to me. She stubbornly ignored my requests for a meeting, leaving me under the impression that she did not value me as a parishioner or as a human being, and that really there was present a passive-aggressive agenda to try to drive me out of the church. I have reason to believe that those could have been her intentions. I had challenged her one or two times too many, about her personal selfishness around Christmastime, a trait that she appears to have in common with many Anglicans, by refusing to give me not even token emotional support, given what a difficult and lonely time this is for me. When I mentioned to her that at times I have been vulnerable to suicidal ideation during that season she could only suggest that I go to the hospital where they could medicate me into a tranquil and compliant torpor. Pastoral support, Anglican style.
It was also that same Anglican priest who became quite angry and defensive when I told her that spiritual direction for pay, as it is practised by Anglicans, is really a cash grab and a form of simony. She got particularly unpleasant when I told her this in response to her suggestion that I should seek out a spiritual director. Neither was she very happy when I informed her that, being on a low-income, I would not be able to pay for that kind of service, but even if it was offered to me free, or pay as you can, it would still have been a process irreparably tainted by avarice and greed.
So, really, I shouldn't be at all surprised that she wouldn't want to see me. But also, in retrospect, given her own mentality and obvious selfishness, why would I ever seek someone like her out for pastoral support, even if she does happen to be a priest?
My only recourse was the archbishop, who studiously ignored me as I tried to contact her for advice and support, and only became offended when I sent her some of the corresponding blogposts, telling me to stop sending them this material. I defied her, naturally, and she reacted by siccing her lawyer on me. Christian love, Anglican style.
So, I have already begun the process of going public about this, since I'm sure that she does not want to appear on any news headlines as the archbishop of a wealthy Christian denomination out to sue a low income blogger for lobbying for pastoral support while trying to field alone and unsupported an existential and spiritual crisis.
In other news, a "friend", who is an Anglican priest, naturally has ended our "friendship", natch, since I have offended his bosses and walked away from the Anglican Church. Not a huge loss. This individual has always been problematic as friends go. Last year, I had to ask this person to please cut back on the foul language during our visits (yes, I did say he's an Anglican priest, so, go figure!) because I was finding this practice of his draining, depressing and upsetting. I was polite, respectful and tactful when I asked him. His response? How dare I try to censor him (yes, I did say he is an Anglican priest, or, a paid Christian). So, instead of apologizing, he got petulant, and reluctantly agreed to try, and then during a subsequent visit as he started another sewage flow of bad language and I asked if to please stop, he looked offended, of course (and, yes, he is an Anglican priest, or, a paid Christian.).
I might lose other friends as part of the fallout. I have stopped caring. These people, if they are Christians, then they are so in name only. I am worth better than them for friends and counsel and support, so I am happily cutting my losses and moving on. Where I end up, who only knows? That is in God's hands and I will trust him while thanking him for the gift of forgiveness as I pray for his blessing for those who have harmed me.
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