I still have no vision, no map for plotting out my future steps. I am assuming that I will return to Colombia and to Costa Rica next year, as I am interested in further nurturing the relationships that I am already enjoying with new friends in those countries. We are also in regular contact by video chat, which helps us establish a healthy familiarity. I can't say that I feel alone.
Even though I have left the church, I have not left people in the church, only the institution. I will likely attend church services in the future, but so much is still going to remain unknown. It is very much one step at a time right now. Small steps. Present steps. The future right now is not our concern, but simply getting through each day the best we can.
I think that especially at this time, relationships are so important. Keeping in touch with friends, reminding them that they are loved. My Colombian friends are especially vulnerable right now because they are under a ridiculously strict lock-down in that country, and so they are more isolated than I am. So, I am in contact with them both every day. Other friends, I touch base with every week, or in some cases oftener. We all need to hang together right now. It isn't just me, it is about us.
Kindness is very important right now, because we are all weathering the same crisis, we're all being affected by the same stress. I haven't been able to hug anyone since I left my friends in Colombia and Cost Rica. But each time we're online to chat, we conclude by exchanging hugs. It is better than nothing, and I think there is real joy in this for us.
I am not worried about myself. I don't think I will get the virus, and if I do, I will weather it, and if I don't, then I can go home early to meet Jesus face to face. In the meantime, I have to keep short accounts with God and with others. To be ready to forgive and reconcile, and to keep moving forward in love.
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