Today I learned the sad news during a meeting of the untimely death by heart attack of one of my co-workers. He was young, in his mid forties, a very kind, humble and honest man, very dedicated to his profession and to the wellness and recovery of his clients. He had been through many of his own challenges and has been a tremendous role model for recovery. During our meeting at work we held a memorial for him. I said that now is the time for kindness. There is no other time. We never know how long we have.
It can never be underestimated how important kindness is and how poorly it is often implemented, how rarely and how grudgingly. Still, I am often inspired by seeing the kindness of strangers towards people in need, be it a few coins for a beggar or the offering of a bus seat to a senior, or when a door is held open for another stranger. I do believe that people are basically kind, want to do the right thing, and often don't because they are simply not aware or overwhelmed or lost in their own little world.
And some are simply lazy, selfish douchebags. Like some of the other passengers on the Skytrain and bus yesterday. I am no spring chicken and I don't look it. Still, usually when I get on the bus I don't expect kindness from strangers who are already seated. I am in generally good health but still often younger people will give up their seat for me on the bus. I almost always accept. However, when I am already encumbered, as I was yesterday, schlepping a big umbrella and two heavy bags of groceries then I begin to feel a bit entitled. If I have just had a fall, and feel sore and unsteady on my feet as I did yesterday, then I know I have an unquestionable right to sit down. And it just so happened that I had fallen, less than an hour ago, perhaps a half hour ago, tripping over a concrete protrusion that some workers had been too lazy to notice and take care of. I just barely avoided respraining my knee, though it still got scraped, along with my hand and my right arm was sore and banged up. A young woman asked if I was okay and as I got up I thanked her for her kindness.
Nobody budged. It didn't bother me really on the Skytrain. Everyone looked too comatose to notice or be alerted, and I was able to find a safe place to stand and hold on with my grocery bags on the floor. It was a different story when I got on the little community shuttle bus. I likely just should have shut up and put up with the situation as it was a short ride. It was standing room only, I had to drag me and my stuff to the very back, there was nowhere to put my bags and I had to hold on tight. Most of the seats were occupied by people who looked younger than forty. Unable to reach for the bell cord I announced "Would one of you selfish young people who didn't offer me a seat please pull the cord for me?" Then as I tried to make my way down the narrow aisle without trampling anyone I simply let my ample knapsack and two heavy grocery bags bash everyone who got in my way. There was little option and the schadenfreud was a fleeting if guilty little pleasure. I told them they were all selfish twits and if anyone got hit by my bags it would be their tough luck.
When I got off the bus I did not feel proud of my behaviour, which was certainly not kind. I admit that I was more than assertive. I was verbally abusive. They had it coming and they should have known better. People sometimes need it knocked into them. I only wish it didn't happen this way and I do feel a bit ashamed of the way I lost it, though I still aver that they have yet greater reason to feel ashamed.
On the bus on my way home from work today I noticed a young woman, Muslim and fully veiled seated in a senior's courtesy seat. I eventually moved further back. Even though I now qualify for the seniors' section on public transit I still like to leave the seats vacant for those who need them more. The problem is that more often than not the courtesy seats are taken over by able bodied and thoughtless youths. Like this young woman wearing a veil. An older woman who had trouble standing got on. No one budged for her or showed her the one available seat in the section and I was seated too far away to be able to signal it to her. Of course the young lady of Islam didn't budge. I caught the woman's eye and offered my seat. She smiled and declined. Someone seated next to the veiled woman got off the bus and she took the seat.
To the veiled Muslim woman I wanted to say something like "I'm sure Allah would be better honoured by you offering your seat for an old disabled woman than by keeping your face covered." I'm glad I said nothing. I know nothing about this young lady's situation, why she is veiled, or why she sat where she was and didn't move. There could be a hundred reasons, many of them valid. Besides, she was an easy target and it would have been better to pick on someone else. I hope I was being kind. I may never find out.
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