From me:
When I told you about my tragic history with my father and brother and the support my father gave my brother in order to maintain his drug addiction instead of helping me when I was in need you were offended with me for telling you this. This is not the reaction of a friend and I would prefer to have as friends those who are not offended when they hear about my sufferings. So, we will suspend the friendship unless you want to apologize for your lack of compassion. Till then, goodbye.
When or if you decide to be a real friend then we will talk again. Your reaction to me during our last visit was hurtful and offensive to me.
From el Fulano (Spanish for what's its face):
Me:
I am afraid that you have both exploited me from the beginning and that you never considered me a friend but someone to use to your advantage. Since you found other friends that are more compatible with your social class you completely abandoned me, perhaps because I am an embarrassment to you and no longer useful to you. I believe that you planned to get what you could from me, then leave me and this is what you've done. Your not communicating with me doesn't sit well with me.
If I can help your memory. During our last visit in the Mexican café you asked me about my family. I disclosed to you some very cruel things that my family had done to me. Then you became offended that I would tell you such things because you found them upsetting. Instead of showing empathy you judged me for the abuse of my family. If you want to talk to me in person about the situation that is fine with me. But often I have invited you to visit and you have refused, not just because you are busy but because you haven't felt like seeing me. I am not ending the friendship, but until we do something to resolve the situation I am suspending it. And I hope that we are able to resolve things because I don't enjoy losing friends unless they are not real friends and that they are not lying bastards. And I hope you can prove me to be mistaken. I don't hate you, but I do feel very disappointed in you both. And I hope that we can we do something to save the friendship if you value me as a friend. If not...Goodbye.
Fulano:
You reaction is really pathetic. We don't deserve to be called manipulators, exploiters or snobs, Moreover, the insinuation that we are bastards and liars. And all because I don't reply to your emails right away and don't attend to your requests. Never have I demanded of anyone that they make themselves available to me as friends and never have they insulted me when I haven't responded to their demands. I asked you to be patient with us put I see that patience is not one of your virtues. And where does this story come from that I was offended because you told me about your family life? You must have quite an imagination.
Your accusations are offensive and insulting. I don't believe that I recall having asked anything of you before nor after arriving in your city. Simply we accepted whatever you offered us, for which we thanked you at the time. We have come to know other persons who have helped us move and to meet more people. None of them demand anything from us in exchange and we have a very good relationship with all of them.
I can understand that you are disappointed but not in any way am I going to accept being discredited like this. And after insulting us you offer your indulgence, as the morally superior person that you are, and you expect that we are going to get down on our knees and ask for your forgiveness. The last thing I want to do now is spend anytime at all around you, just in case I am tempted to exploit you and use you then throw you out like a filthy rag. It's your word against ours that you don't hate us.
Me:
A real friend, instead of reacting like this, would wonder if there is merit to the accusation and instead of responding in such an offended manner, would agree to start a mature and respectful dialogue in order to save the friendship and perhaps to see if there is any truth or if it is a misunderstanding. When I received similar accusations from others I have always tried to search for the means of reconciliation as well as admitting my own sins against the other party. And if I am mistaken about you why not speak in a respectful manner in order to resolve and reconcile? I have given you the opportunity to do this and it is still open. And if I have misunderstood you and have misjudged you then I ask your forgiveness. Your email suggests that maybe you are being hurt by the truth and that you are angry that I have exposed your agenda with me, if indeed such an agenda has ever existed. I don't know for sure.
I have not placed on you guys any unreasonable expectations. I only know that you have not been transparent with me. I don't think that you have intentionally exploited me but maybe in a passive way.
Since You have shown me your true colours I see that until there is a change in your attitude towards me I prefer that our friendship remain suspended.
Concerning my imagination of the issues about my family and your offended reaction: the problem isn't with my imagination but with your very selective memory. I think that you are not telling me the truth in order to end the friendship instead of facing your unacceptable behaviour.
I have no patience with this kind of nonsense.
Your very rude response shows me that you do not consider me a friend and probably never have seen me as a real friend. I hope I'm wrong but your tone suggests something else.
I would also like to remind you that I am old enough to be your father and therefore I deserve some respect from you. Concerning my moral superiority, maybe the problem is in your own lack of a moral compass, just like a lot of the poorly raised imbeciles of your generation!
I also ask that you do not contact me for a year and if I receive anything from you in the meantime I will delete it unread!
Goodbye.
Moral of the story:
read the fine print and don't hang out with narcissists.
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