I love listening to CBC Radio One. I owe more to the various programs and events broadcast on our public radio station for ideas for this blog than I think to anywhere else. Today, right now, I am listening to a literary program, the Next Chapter (I always want to type "Last Chapter" for some reason. Freudian?) with host Shelagh Rogers, whom in my opinion has to be one of the nicest radio hosts I have ever listened to.)
Right now by the way I am having my first ice coffee of the year that I made at home (off and on I've been indulging in ice Americanos in various coffee shops all spring) and it is delicious. I brewed an extra strong pot of French-Colombian decaf purchased at one of our top coffee providers, Bean Around the World (I was just at their Kerrisdale café following a three mile walk in Shaughnessy Heights and Kerrisdale, Vancouver's filthy rich and exquisitely and painfully beautiful neighbourhoods) where I like to pass an hour or two of a Saturday afternoon in a comfy chair, working on a drawing while sipping an Americano, iced this time of year, and enjoying a large chocolate cookie. Afterward I walked then bussed to Pacific Spirit Park for a walk in the woods, then bussed again to the Cheap Thrills (my affectionate name for our famous budget supermarket chain, No Frills) to pick up a few things only to return home to check email, listen to the radio and make a pot of decaf.
It has become my tradition to buy a can of sweetened condensed milk Saturdays on my way home, real cheap at $1.88 a pop, and then when I get home, indulge in home-made Vietnamese coffee. Given our lovely warm summer weather I am enjoying it iced today. I filled a sixteen ounce glass with ice cubes and brewed the coffee (decaf) extra strong, then mixed in sweetened condensed milk to taste, which is to say quite a bit. Then very slowly and gently and patiently I poured the coffee-milk mixture, or should I say dribbled it over the ice cubes so as not to crack the glass, adding extra ice as it melted. I have to say this is more than delicious.
Now back to Shelagh Rogers and The Next Chapter today. There was a writer on talking about her experience that men don't like to communicate by talking but by doing things together. I suppose that this is often true, or maybe sometimes. What it is, is a gender stereotype. Women have many about men, just as men have many about women. And all stereotypes generally have some factual foundation. The trouble is that they also become an excuse for mental laziness and instead of making an effort to know someone on their own merit it just becomes far too easy to dip into your inner archives and find the file, man, or woman, communication style, or whatever, and Bob's Yer Uncle.
Well, I am a man, biologically anyway. I identify as a-gender rather than male and my style of communicating happens to be very verbal. I also enjoy doing things quietly with men or with women. I have also had the pleasure of working with some women who would far rather just do the job together and enjoy the shared vibe than talk, and vice versa with men.
What I mean to say here is, the most obvious differences aside (penis, vagina, boobs, beard, voice, etcetera), there really are no real differences between men and women. Of course we have the nature versus nurture argument and all kinds of anecdotal evidence of boys wanting to play with trucks and beat each other up and girls opting for dolls and passive-aggressive social behaviour. I'm not convinced.
I am also worried that this current trend of encouraging children who identify with the other gender to change their sex given that this could easily reinforce the kinds of gender roles and stereotypes that historically have held women and men prisoner. Is gender just a social construct? I don't know. But I am convinced that each person needs to be accepted and understood as an individual free of socially constructed baggage. We have our shared humanity and this transcends and I think also transforms gender.
Why be both when you can be neither?
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